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So a new month starts again huh... a new month of writing. Day in and day out. Waiting. Day in and day out. Doing. Day in and day out. Complaining on how much wait I'm doing, in writing. Day in and day out. Whining of this life till time ends. Day in and day out. And then one day when the days have gone by - in and out, I'll sit down and write my last piece and wonder: where did all those days go? Into my writing? Just in and out? I can think of better in and outs. Peace.
I've got such a fucking headache today.
Oh, can I swear over here? I hope so. Hope it's the free speech alternate. Uncensored and dandy. Say whatever you want to say in a single serving. That's how the world should work, so that's how I'll write it... and if it doesn't make it here at least it'll on my site live!
Probably doesn't sound like I have a headache as heavy as I have, but take my word for it. I'm just getting this done so I can get on with the night, and sleep. Time out. Peace. Until tomorrow.
Had to the worst headache in my life yesterday... well, probably not in that long a stretch of time, but... in this month? Definitely! In this year. Probably. So far. I probably need to de-stress a bit so these don't keep popping up and haunting me, though it seems I can't take a break without them. Give me a headache and I'll go to bed around ten and read a couple of hours. Don't, and I can't seem to get off the computer until twelve, and play games for another hour or two before lights turn. Time for change.
I'm having a hard time keeping my mind off work today.
I worked at home yesterday, and it feels like I somehow left the floodgates open. Normally thoughts of work dissipate during the train ride home, but this time they stuck around even though I didn't want them there.
Maybe I'm just over-thinking it though. When I do start with other tasks the thoughts of work disappear, but then I wonder if they're really gone, and they come back. The more it annoys me, the more I think. I guess this is... a good opportunity to train my self-control.
It's a good day! A not full of goods day. A day I didn't buy things in, but evaded, and managed to have a good day even without, and that's the way I'd like this life to go. The recognizable fast, not too slow. Not too daft, not a life that blows, but a life with dope shows that show the world that YES this world is dope yo! Just vibe to the music and liven up, and spend your time on the turntables, and guitars, and go far like go carts and North stars. For farce we art knowable.
I went bowling today, for the second Monday in a row. O'Learys, Sveaplan. I've never been there before, and never to O'Learys either, but I was positively surprised. It wasn't full of drunk people, as I feared, but just regular people, and a lot of fun. Pints of beer did seem to surround us, but in a sport-like kind-of way, like how a Gatorade at the track would seem like a normal thing. The bowling went OK, but we had a good time. The shoes were slick. The floors were clean. The round rocks did roll. Good vibes.
You know the best way to fill up these pages? Not that the goal should be to fill them up, but to produce something creative or entertaining with each sitting, but the best way is: to just write. Even if you don't feel like writing just write. If you get started you'll notice it's not so difficult after all, and maybe you'll produce something worthwhile while you're at it, like a slice of nice life advice on how to evade writer's block for those who need it! I don't know if I've ever had the 'block', but... similar. That's all.
Three tangerines on the table in front of me.
I thought I'd eat them. I brought them up with me after lunch, and since then they've been lying on this table here, gathering dust for minutes, while I flick from one task to the next in a seldom-seen stretch of well-prioritized efficiency.
I'm actually doing what I need to do right now! And it's not like dust gathers that quickly anyway, right? I admit I do get sidetracked. A little. I do do other things. But it's mostly good things. And now I've done this thing too. Ciao.
Three tangerines still sit on the table in front of me.
And it's time to write as if it was a new day, even though it's the same one as it was when I wrote the previous. Only with 100 Words can you do a thing like this.
And I'll admit: this is one of those things I call getting side-tracked a bit, but before this I was reading up on the gigantic Spamhaus operation - cracking down on the River Media Group, and that's considerable side-tracking too. Though good knowing. This good writing? Superfluous, but not bad. Ciao.
Another busy day today, with a business that sometimes feels like it gets busier than it needs to get. As in: do I spend too much time on things or just let them take up too big a part of my mind during the time on which I spend them?
I'm not sure... but it's paid work time right, so either way is OK. As long as I can relax on the train ride back home and push all those thoughts of work-based projects out of my head it's good. It's getting harder to... but I do. I'm home.
I almost forgot about this thing!
Well not really. I got it. I'm back in it. I'm writing as if my life depended on it. Woke up late, but got started with all my dues right away and now here I am, after a lunch on tasty jam and pancakes. Aint that great? The sun is shining outside and I think I should soak in, before the darkness comes creeping like an old king, and takes its throne again and turns the world to stone, the end.
It really is a beautiful day though. I should get out a bit.
The way I felt yesterday I might have done something drastic today. I was at the edge. Turntables of new. Thought of posting one final post here, and one final post at 750 Words, and closing down my blog, and going all in on when it comes to music, and what about my job, and all my other content... what would I keep, and what would I close down in favor posts at of my new future?
It was almost a panic, but then I fell into better thoughts, and sleep, and today that's all washed away. Better or worse?
Man I am SO tired today, so that's why I'm writing this, like a protest against my lack of energy.
I walked from Kungsängen too Bro after work too for the same reason. 7 - 8 kilometers by the road. Fast. No breaks. 1:15 hours. And now I'm here, hunched over because of a worsening headache, pushing myself to the limit before I have to give up and go to bed. I slept like shit last night. I woke up at five and felt sick. Drank two glasses of water. Persevered. Got up a few sleepless hours later, went to work, and now I'm back.
I'm getting a shitton of things done though. Aint no stopping me. Times like this I realize: you just can't wait with things. You never know how you'll feel tomorrow. Waiting with getting in shape just 'one more day' doesn't cut it. Who cares if you feel like shit. Just do it. Work. Invoices. Blogposts. Whatever. Do all you can.
I'm going overboard with the hundred words today too - I'm doing the double. Just cause. I might not be as fast as I am when I feel good, but I do get shit done.
So I felt like shit yesterday, but today? Awesome.
It really pays off to do what you can when you can do it. Any regular shit-feeling day I'd probably have done nothing at all, and gone to be bed early, and tossed and turned a bit, and woke up the next morning feeling optimistic but weary. I'm happy I managed to get in a pretty intense exercise session even amidst the ache. It did good.
So the moral of the story: plan ahead! I'm back to my regular, efficient self today. Writing a hundred words. No more no less.
Hey! New day! New time to write in!
I was at a museum on this one... if I recall. An old museum, with new stuff, which led me to wonder: what is a museum anyway?
Turns out it's defined as a showcase of items of historical heritage, basically, and as far as I can discern new stuff does not have historical validity yet. So... what are they really thinking, now? Are museums no longer what they're supposed to be? Is our perception of history being skewed? Are we living too much in the now? Maybe we'll see... in a museum.
The sun is blaring outside. It's seeping through the windows. I don't see it, but its rays are reaching me, and making me jump in my seat, and trying to get me out of the house and into the day to start enjoying it, and breath in the light, and let the D-Vitamin settle on my skin and seep in through my pores, and rejuvenate me, and energize me, and make me feel refreshed and awesome! I just realized I spelled pores wrong (I spelled it poors), but the correct spelling came to me as an epiphany. Let's walk.
It's a new day soon come to a close, and I am so busy with hexalist updates today. I've been snapping stats, but not processing the information the seventeenth of each month so far, and this weekend I hope to post the first three of those so I can move on; keep my mind off the updates until they're usually due. Only thing I have to do today is scan, but before that I had to process the stats from the last one to update the list of users to be scanned. The order's important. It's done. I'm scanning. Goodnight.
Saturday morning, and I'm sitting by the computer with an almost-finished bowl of muesli, preparing to embark on today's great quests and adventures. I've showered, written late diary entries for the past couple of days, spent some time on NG, tidied my room, written some rhymes; gone about business as I usually do... and now the day is waiting. For new impressions. For fresh creations. For changed perspectives. For elevation. For serenades. For degradation. For complications. For contemplations. For cons and Masons. For conserve rations. For continental conquests and condescending connotations. For overdue computer backup configurations. It's waiting. Today.
I'm actually writing somewhat interesting things here lately! What a change it is since the days of filler filler filler (I just can't get away away away entirely). It makes it worthwhile to write more often - and maybe I do write more often here because I don't do so on all that many other places. I don't know yo. I'll just keep going till the flow slows. Till the day comes when: it's over. Like you're down and drunk at the party but the next day you're sober... just the other way around cause I've never been drunk. Soul burns.
I spend a lot of time trying to soul search...
But maybe I'm not serious. I never even tried blow first.
I've never rolled around in the tropics of Bangladesh and chased wasp nests, or tried Maui Thai, or sipped on margaritas while I simmer like a fetus.
I slept away most of my nights, but you know what sleep is: right?
Revitalization. It lets you get up the next day and be like OK MAN TODAY CAN'T NOBODY STOP ME.
But then I stumble upon a dope beat and just have to drop these... rhymes.
Times long ago.
My mind seems to be stuck in wordplay mode lately. I hear a world and I instantly try to pick it apart and restructure it, like when my mom said 'Holistic' (the name of a brand for which my sister will be attending a course soon) and I instantly hough 'håll is disk' (hold the dishes icy), and made up a scenario for when such a saying would be relevant.
Do normal people think like this? Did it take years of practice to get to this point or was it more a spontaneous approach? Like a remote-controlled insect.
Another day goes by! All too fast. All too fast... and I abide my time, on all too many tasks. I'm all too tasked. I'm all too masked! I need to free myself. I need to get out, but too many have scrawled on my cast, so I lie sprawled on my casket like I was in the halls after math... class. Looking back... man, what a blackout school was. It was cool dawg. Life makes you HARD right, so why are you soft? No sting no more. It's like you never knew what it wasp you were looking for.
Oh hey, sunshine! Seeping through my blinds. Staring me down. Trying to get me to get up. Trying and succeeding. I'm up. I'm sitting inside. Staring outside. Thinking I should be there. Too much to do though. I envy those with freedom. I have the freedom: I could go out right now. It's my choice. To sit here. To miss out. To not live... like I know life should be lived. With the sun. On the wind. Under the stars. In the woods. We should scrap our slabs and sheets of concrete and return beauty to the world. Life. Nature.
I'm feeling pretty good lately, and no doubt it's due to all this surplus movement. I walk till my legs are weary, but my back feels painless for the first time in... a while. Since before winter, maybe? I'm tired, but also alert. I'm a bit annoyed my sight isn't improving as much as I feel it should considering how much time I've spent outside the last couple of days, but maybe I'm not training my eyes the way I'm supposed to; with the exercises I need to use. Maybe I have been by the computer more than I feel I have, anyway. Late nights. Whoops I'm all out of words, speak to yall later...
What a busy weekend! Feels like work just ended, and is just about to start again... is what I was just about to say, but turns out it doesn't really feel like that at all. It feels like day's worth of weekend days have passed since last Friday, even though it's just the two. I've been to two second hand events, bowling, the Dustin expo, long walks around Stockholm, a restaurant, tried five different ice creams at various locations, and even managed some anime and reviews on my site. Sunshine. Busy days. A little efficient home work too. Week End.
And of course I wrote today's post yesterday, by mistake. Arg. So if you for any reason are skimming my posts, and you realize that last day's post seems to be about events on a different day than the day on which it was posted: know that I intended to post that post today, instead. It's been a busy weekend, like I said, so I haven't really caught up with all the days. I'm here now. I'm posting this. I'm going to write in a few more words here, or sentences, because I still have a few words remaining on...
First day of the week, and the first day since yesterday with Summer Time! I mean: we moved all of our clocks forward one hour, since it's now officially 'summer time'. So thus we effectively have to get up an hour earlier than usual, and I'm not all that fond of mornings, or going to sleep at night...
I set my alarm as late as possible with that in mind - which is unfortunately the same time I've been getting up the past few weeks anyway, but thought if I woke up earlier I'd get up earlier instead... and I did! So I started my day two hours earlier than I have the last... way too long now. I'm not even phased. Tired, yeah, but feeling good. Did not expect to.
Summer Time: it's time.
Oh man, worst migraine of the week today. My month? So far. My year? Yeah... maybe, it's not that far along yet.
I went to work anyway, and maybe I was a bit stressed about certain parts of my day, because it did not get better at all! Lunch didn't help. Trying to relax didn't help either. I shoved a kid out of the way (accidentally) when I was getting off the train because I just wanted to get out. Felt sick. Probably looked angry. Went home, jumped in bed, fell asleep... feeling much better!
Wonder how I'll sleep tonight...
I guess I've got a few days to go this month... maybe I should backtrack and see what I've been writing about before, so I can write something suitable here. Maybe I should. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe that was a totally out-of-context thing to say, because why shouldn't I? Why even ponder? Why keep this up any longer? It's like my thoughts are just running all over the place today, just running off on their own, and I can't really keep them contained. In reign. Captive. Freethought. That could be the title for a book hmm... too late!
One more entry! Just one more and this month is complete! Just one more sentence! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just one more! Just like asking if we're there yet, isn't it?
...are we? There yet?
We are now.
Last day of the month and I am... far away from keyboards, and computers, and anything that'd allow me to type this in on the day when it was supposed to be typed, but I'm catching up! One day after the other, and one to go after this one too...
If you're wondering about that vacation: it was great. We had fun. We talked. We walked. We basked in the sunshine and caught up, and didn't really have enough to catch up fully but... it was a while since last time, so this visit was much overdue. Big brother. Östersund.
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