100 words, huh? choose wisely. here i am. a better me. almost like the bionic woman, 'cept better. without the superhuman strength. did they make her brain bionic also. 'cause that would be cool. i had the realization recently that i don't have to please everyone all the time. not that i will go out of my way to piss them off but it is time that i make sure they don't piss me off. i'm better than that and deserve to be treated as such. this is almost like therapy, ain't it?

things i like: donuts, black coffee, sound of creaking wood, yams, rum, saki, orange, talking heads, brazil, taking pictures, walking, swimming, the beach, hot weather, driving, sunrise, reading, david bowie, fossils, records, eight-tracks, geology, writing, monkeys, apes, cheetahs, africa, los angeles, pork chops, meatloaf, brussel sprouts, ironing, cooking, making the bed, taking a bath, getting a massage, camping, hiking, oak trees, the way fresh sage smells, little shop of horrors, don quixote, posada, wyeth, picasso, samuel johnson, crockpots, kitty cats, bunnies, baby tapirs, jupiter, the wii, hefeweizen, pacers, corduroy pants, dictionaries, cartoons and the idea of fish with lasers.

Im feeling kinda achy. I think I am getting sick. My keyboard is sick.the spacebar is allwonky. It was anokayday today. Little cold this morning but warmedup nice. My backhurts. A lot. I wish a magical masseuse would show up and make itbetter. What happened togood tv? I missshows like thetwilight zone. And knight rider. And friday night videos. And that's cat. Why do we reminisce? I guess cause it feels good. Happy times. It sure doesfeel good toget lost in one's own happy thoughts. The most random thoughts pop into my head sometimes. I need to take a shower.

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...this is how I feel.

I had such a good day today. I'm curious as to how it will end. Its all so odd. This life of mine. Where am I going? What am i doing? I 'm having a blast. That's what I am doing. It all feels so right. It all makes sense. Even the stuff that shouldn't does. Everything has been so pleasantly awkward. Sometimes I have to doubt myself to really believe what I already know. I get distracted so easily. Is it a away of not dealing with stuff or is it a.d.d.? Or could be something so much simpler...

Why do I find brushing my hair annoying? I hate doing it. And then it becomes a rats nest and an even bigger pain in the ass. Just needed to vent. I just had the most relaxing day. I did nothing but sleep and have sex and then more sleep.. I am so refreshed for the work week. Im ready im ready. I am having a spongebob high at the moment. I just love everything and everyone. it is a beautiful world we live in. I really enjoy spongebob. How can you hate him unless you are evil? Maybe so...

These are my thank yous to you: for allowing me to be me without any reservations, for making me feel normal, for listening, for reminding me how to relax, for the music, for being so perfectly flawed, for respecting me, the records, for shuggie, for putney swope, for el topo, for great sex, for being passionate about something, the pipe, for being so damn flakey, for getting it, for your arrogance, your snooty sense of humor, and for saving me from myself when I did not even realize I needed saving. But I can never tell you any of this.

I fell asleep early. I was so tired. When I close my eyes all I see is him. Why? I can't get him out of my head. And that I do not like. It's not fair. I really tried hard not to like him. I dated other people. Had kinda a good time with others, but not really. It's been about four months now that this has been going on. Are we dating? I say we are just hanging out. Damn it damn it damn it! This boy is making me crazy. In a good way. I never expected this.

follow the leader--

let's go everybody

we have a job to do--

to start the revolution!

your own personal revolution

and I am here to lead you

to that rabbit hole in your head

fall into yourself

don't worry--

you won't get hurt

the mushroom is there

to catch and expand your mind

let's change those roses

into the sun

and brighten that dirt path that will lead you

to the birthday party

for the universe

pull up a bean bag

and sink--

sink back into the unreality of the reality

drink up the nectar

for you are a God

I'm trippin'— yet again
that self-doubt likes to creep
the negativeness
the Mara
it's hard not let it consume me
own me
--but it can't win
I won't lose myself in it—yet again
won't let it seep
into my brain
into my heart
into my soul
I am awake
my eyes are open
I'll be okay
it's when they are closed
that my heart
and my soul
will die
and I will label myself
and live up to expectations—yet again
I'm still trippin'
--but doubt has become confidence
in my brain
in my heart
in my soul

Im tired. I have a hard time sleeping sometimes, okay most of the time. Its so annoying. Man I would love to take something and sleep for hours and catch up. Beautiful dreamless sleep. No phone. No people. No work. No responsibilities. I want to sleep. I am so beddy-by. Just want to close my eyes and have them stay closed and sleep. I dream about restful sleep. What' up with that? Dreaming about not dreaming. that in itself is oxymoronic, as I tend to be. A total contradiction of myself, that's what I be. I am so tired.

What am I afraid of? Nothing really, or is just that I do not want to be uncomfortable? I have officially bored myself with this topic. I know what I have to do. I am just avoiding it, because it's hard and scary. Fear of the unknown. That thought process goes against what I believe, so why am I feeding into it? Suck it up, get it out, and relax. Just like the day after the final. At some point you stop caring about the final, you just want it to be over so you can move on to newness.

i'm trying too hard.
words just do not want to flow today.
they are stuck in a rut.
can't seem to get out.
stupid lame shit on my mind.
preoccupied with those thoughts.
ugh..i wish they would stop and go away.
they are contaminating the rest of my brain.
and do me no service.
wait. stop. i change my mind.
like billie says- i'm tired of being blue.
it's taking up too much of my time and energy.
tonight is work's christmas party.
good food, good drink, good people, good times.
every little thing's gonna be alright.
thanx bob.

Wow! Do I feel like a load has been lifted from my chest. I did it. I didn't think I'd be able to, but I did. I feel bad if I hurt his-no I don't. Who am kidding. I am not super happy-but this is what had to be done. It was getting ridiculous. If we don't talk about it then it doesn't exist. That's real mature. I know we wanted it to be casual however, it clearly was a little more whether we spoke about it or not. We both knew it. It certainly was grand though.

I slept really well. For once. I feel caught up somewhat on my sleep, well for now at least. One day I am going to get a nice sooper dooper comfortable bed and just sleep for days and days! Ahh that sounds so nice. Cozy blankets and fluffy pillows. All that would be missing is a warm body to nuzzle into. I get to do that about once a week with someone, but to have it everyday must be nice. I know then that I would sleep well all the time. Time to get up and get ready for work.

I love his body. Holy smokes it's amazing. I can't get over it. I think about it and yeah i'm almost speechless. I want to touch it all t he time. But I guess if I did I might get bored with it. Im just rambling on and on about it and now I will stop. However, my brain isn't stopping thinking about it. Anyway, it's just too damn cold! I am ready for hot steamy summers! I love it hot! The hotter the better. I cannot think when it is cold except that it is cold! Movin' to Fiji!

Okay. Ummm...so much on my mind way more than a hundred words worth. Random thoughts of today: it was so cold today, my foot and back hurt, I love my job, I hate my job, I wish I were high right now, I want to be all warm in his bed—sigh, gotta finish xmas shopping, what am doing on new year's eve, goonies never quit, synclair, wanting meatloaf, thinking about calling but knowing I won't, I need new windshield wipers and put air in my left rear tire, the dogs in the park are so funny, and life.

Words I like saying: balderdash, fantastic, good grief, umm, hyoid, occipital condyle, blah, one million dollars!, freakin' lasers, malarkey, snooty, snoty, schwab insurance serving the desert, bunnie foo foo, muerto, albondigas, sabado, salamander, ...and knowing is half the battle, are you a god?, pollack, subduction leads to orogeny. I started wandering into movie lines. I love movies. Yes I am one of those dorks that quotes movies. Can't help it. There are so many choice lines. As my awesome brother stated, repetition is pure comedy gold. It sure is. We definitely need more well written comedies. Ones that are timeless.

Did not get too far last night on our “Great Taco Run 2008” extravaganza. We only made it to 2. 2 tacos at one place and two tostadas at the other. The party was lame. We didn't get the memo to dress sluty. That may be too harsh, I'd go for maybe cheap. Anyway, it was mostly girls and well what can I say I like boys. And it was damn cold and blah blah...so I fell asleep on a friends couch. Man was I tired. Smoked too much and only had one drink. I am a lightweight sometimes.

Jeez. I pulled a muscle today. Another one. This one is the one around the collar bone and boy is it painfull. I had another relaxing sunday. It's almost like going to a day spa but much more fun and way cheaper. I can't believe I passed out, one the sound man no less! I fell instantly into a dream. nothing made since. There was chaos in my brain, and it was trying to figure it out. At least I had a friend there to catch me and make sure I was okay. It is now known as the incident.

I have a bad habit of forgetting to eat. It's so annoying. I am not dieting or anything like that, it's just that I get distracted and then if I get over heated I pass out. That was so embarrassing and so funny at the same time. It was so damn funny! I can't believe it happened to me. And I had a witness with me. Yeah! And shall always be reminded of it. Damn! I feel I am starting to appear more human. More vulnerable. Damn. Not cool. I need a bath. A nice warm bath. And just float.

God i'm hungry.
I forgot to eat.
Damn.
It's so hot in here.
I gotta take off my jacket.
Woo. I'm dizzy.
Hold it together kristen.
You can't get out until intermission.
I need to eat something.
It's really hot.
Is that dino?
Where am I?
What are you saying?
Why are you looking at me like that?
Now i'm scared.
What happened?
“you passed out.”
I what?!
“drink this water and just sit.”
I can't comprehend what happened.
I'm still really hot.
Gotta take off the sweater.
Man am I dripping with sweat.
More water.
Thank god for intermission.

The night comes on so fast and then it just lingers. On and on and on. Takin' it's sweet time. Why does that happen? .....i should get back into reading before bed, instead of television. The nights might just go by normally. Just might. Where does the energy come from? How does it connect with other energies? How do they find each other? How does one attract another instantly? What is it about that person at the moment that just makes you crazy? It's so intangible and yet so visible. Energy. Beautiful energy. Flowing in and out of the universe.

Oh man oh man. I can't believe this year is almost over. I knew it would end with my life starting to head in a different direction. Now comes the execution of it all. Proceed number 1.5. Engage. Ahh, I still got a week before the year is over. Might as well be footloose and fancy free. I don't know what that means exactly but it sounds sensible. I don't always make much sense but I can sure make things sound like they do. I am full of so much nonsense that it starts to make sense. Make any sense?

Symbols in dream last night: red shirt, glowing lion-like eyes, hat, crowd, party/club, my vision went blurry when I saw him, I initially pretended like I did not see him, then he caught my eye from across the room he was laughing with people as was I, we looked and then pretended like we did see each other. Whatever, I know what this dream means. One doesn't even have to know the situation to get the meaning. Why is this situation consuming my free thought? I have experienced something similar to this before and in a word....TROUBLE!

Sometimes I get so lost in thought that it is hard to motivate myself to do anything. But my mind is going a million miles a millisecond. I feel so wiped out but have not done a damn thing, physically at least. I am having one of those moments. These 100 words are hard to write when my mind keeps wandering. Did I choose the wrong one? Well, is there really a right one? Depends on what I want. And we all know that I have no idea. But for the first time I question my choice on the matter.

Why am I so nervous all of a sudden? Heart is pounding and I feel uncomfortable. Why? I am going to angela's nothing weird about that. But her “boyfriend” is going to be there also. He's cool but something about him makes me uncomfortable. I guess that's why I am nervous. Ain't I the genius? I want to stay home, build the bookshelf and watch movies. But I did agree to hang. Heck it was even my idea. And I have a gift for her. You convinced me. I'll go, get stoned and drunk, laugh and all will be fine.

So what's going on? Stuff. Yep. It's going great. I find that I just like being around him. However I do not get shit done if I spend too much time with him. Let me rephrase that, I get a lot done, just nothing that I planned to get done. I am enjoying my free time right now. Do laundry, clean the house, make some banana nut bread before the nana's are over-ripe, clean mr. t's cage, put clothes away, goodwill run, drano the bathtub drain. It all sounds so boring. Sometimes you have to be grown-up. Sometimes.

I found the hash. It was stashed in the chair. Not much left. Should I or shouldn't I? I should. He probably doesn't know where he put it or if it's even missing. I love milk. Can't stop drinking it sometimes. This is bad, because I get gassy if if drink too much. It's just so damn good! I fell asleep early. I must have been really tired. I dreamed again. Well this one was more lucid than in a deep sleep. I felt him, heard him, responded back. It was weird and so seemed so real. Another freaky dream.

Someone is hatin' on spongebob! How can anyone hate him? Angry people. It's the viacom and time warner being greedy as always. Seriously, how much money do people need? Is there ever enough? Anyway, almost done with this 100 words thing. It was more difficult than I thought it would be, at least towards the end. At least the weather has warmed up. I can't wait until summer! What's going on with israel and palestine? 370 palestinians are dead and 5 israelis. Seems really unbalanced. With the new year approaching I hope everyone works better together to make it better.

Last day of 2008! yay! So, now I am confused about who I like more. Dilemma! E or D? I do enjoy both for different reasons, but I am getting bored of the routine. The sex is really good with both. So different yet so enjoyable. Whatever, it'll work itself out. Anyway, going out tonight to the reggae club! What a way to bring in the new year! I wish I had something profound to say, but I don't. 2009 should be great. I'm done with 2008, but aren't we all though. E stopped by work. That means a lot.