It's time i begin again.Life is about to get interesting again and i'm going to jot it down.I've pushed past so much of the angst that has dragged me down and am ready now (I think!) to forge (or lurch?) forward into the next life phase.I've come to terms - odd phrase, but that's exactly what it is - with the past that brought me here to this present.I've spent so many years bemoaning what wasn't, what i wasn't able to do for myself and/or for my children that i managed to lose the NOW of life.
I'm having second thoughts about writing here again. The structure of this short form, daily writing seems to lend itself to documentation of activities rather than free form progressive threads.I have to decide whether I want to make that happen within this structure or move to something else entirely. This is why I broke off before when I stopped, but I don't think I was as concrete about the why of it - I simply decided one day and stopped.Oh well, I'll know when I do. I went to ebay today and bought another coveted pen. Cross Ion.
Two birds were at my feeder. Watching them is a pleasure of mine. Perhaps these particular birds were elected (self selected?) to be the ones to encourage me to fill the feeder.Ahhh.. that doesn't seem like such a great request. In fact, it would seem counter-intuitive to feel a bird is making such a request from a bird lover who has set up the feeding station.However, this summer, the mosquitoes have taken over my yard and for me to go out even for a moment to grab the feeder and then replace has been harrowing.
I've been trying to write for a bit now and it's not coming which means it's not the right time for me to write. Usually it flows and other topics tumble over the first clamouring to come out. Not today. Today i started with the heat, then went to unemployment, then to my daughter's frustrations, then to my son's hopes and then to mine.I've been reading (my daughter introduces me to literary novels which is a good shift for me because my inclination is to politics.) I'm finishing Revoluntionary Road. Read it first. Then the movie, not the reverse.
Moving my office back into this room brings me back to 2005. I had a memory flash just now, in my new/old office. I'm on the phone, making political action calls, What froze this moment in my mind is my daughter's friend's visit. I asked her to wait a moment. She later remarked,"Your mother was just discharged from the hospital after cancer surgery and she's on the phone making calls for her political action issue???? Amazing." Others consider things we take forgranted as remarkable.
I left my house today one for a quick lunch with my daughter to be followed by viewing the last season of curb, courtesy of netflix. I don't have television and hulu stopped carrying hbo so my delay was longer than anticipated. i found that my need for instant gratification in watching last season's episodes would have been a bit foolish and so when the netflix came, i scarcely gave it a thought.I returned home ten hours later after getting involved in a birthday celebration for a newly minted thirty year old.