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08/01 Direct Link
It's after midnight and so the new month is up for writing. I was asleep it seems, but the dog woke me to go out and now here I am, not awake but certainly not ready to try to sleep again.

This is a regular occurance - this interrupted sleeping. In fact, today I slept most of the day, probably because I was awake from 3:00am til about 5:30 when I fell asleep again.

It was cool and rainy and saturday so it didn't matter what i did with it. I know I enjoyed it - and was rested!
08/02 Direct Link

I’ve started writing —this hundred words project and also larger ones.  My list of topics has grown from one to three to fifteen. All involve interviewing a cross section of a specific demographic to show parallels. My guess is the differences will be what are interesting.

Until tonight, I’ve written directly into the program, using my netbook while in bed. I’m writing into a word document to get a start before midnight.  I’m tired and think I may be ready for sleep soon. The cooler air has me thinking about fall weather although it’s only the very beginning of August.

08/03 Direct Link
I started my project today. I began making notes outlining possible directions I can go and then did an Amazon search to see if there's anything already published in my genre. I discovered that so far, it appears there's nothing even close.

The more I free associate possiblities, the more there are.  This is good but daunting because I will have to make some decisions about what NOT to include. I need to find the hook.

This process will involve interviews, so it makes sense to go comprehensive with an eye to using other segements in a future book. 
08/04 Direct Link
I've spent many hours doing a final edit on a project my daughter is working on. This work takes me back in my mind to my first job here in the mid 70s. Jobs were difficult to come by then, as they are now and I was grateful to land a four month gig through a temporary agency doing figure verification during the busy tax season.  It was an interesting job--not the work, but getting to know a bit of this southern culture from the staff. They were a nice group and it was good to be working.
08/05 Direct Link
it's four in the morning. usually i'd just give in to it and get up however today i actually need to be somewhere at a specific time.

i'm having pandora issues and am getting annoyed with it (again!) sometimes i long for my 33 1/3 rpm lps stacked on the turntable spindle - so simple. it works or it doesn't. dust on the needle? fine! clean it and go on!

the issue of the day seems to be regarding the storage setting so every time i thumbs up or down i get an error message. grrrrrrrrrr

eric clapton now, thumbs up!
08/06 Direct Link
It's 5:00 a.m. I'm out of bed and sipping my first cup of coffee in an attempt to take advantage of the cooler early morning before the sun rises temperatures.

When I had full AC in my house, I didn't notice the nuances of the atmospheric temperatures and humdity the way I do now--not until I left the house and was hit by a blast of the soupy heat.

I like this better. I feel more connected, less cut off than when I lived in a constant AC bubble. I do have a unit in my bedroom.
08/07 Direct Link
It's four a.m. and I'm awake. The hum of the fan keeps me company as does my old dog asleep at my feet. The pace of life has slowed down and I'm sure that plays into my sleep issues.  Although I've become used to this and so using the term "issue" to define my sleeping when I do and not when I don't is overstating what has become the norm for me.

I watched Bridges of Madison County. Meryl Streep is magnificent. One of her greatest attributes as an actor is her ability to not overplay a role. 
08/08 Direct Link
first week in august -- gone. easily mapped out on the accompanying calendar -- one week unfolds after another albeit day by day if one dutifully keeps up with the daily writings.

only one hundred words, and yet i notice that i often break the writing into two thought process segments -- sometimes even three -- like today.

yesterday was a wasted day. i was awake most of the night before and felt ill and unable to push through it to get to functioning. sleep didn't help which is unusual and i managed to put myself into a state i rarely find myself in.
08/09 Direct Link
The calendar tells me it's the 9th of August - three full weeks left. I have learned that I'll be having company on the 25th for four days only but just one, possibly two nights here - enough to disorient, but not long enough to enjoy - oh well - when one doesn't live alone, one of the prices one must pay.

I slept for nearly twelve hours last night - up before the sun but feeling refreshed rather than the groggy I feel after rising from a few hours grabbed in the early morning after a long night awake. There is no plan.
08/10 Direct Link
I feel time slipping past me - racing past as I do nothing, nothing, nothing...

Work is not a worthwhile activity (to me) - this reading and writing and taking walks and watching movies and sipping coffee and trying to stay cool and noting changes in the neighborhood - all nothing when superimposed upon the movement of the clock, the calendar, the birthday balloon and the new years ball in times square.

what then? what? if not now, then when - but WHAT?

the purpose of life? naaah..  i'm past that quandry - if one can be past it - but then, what? What? WHAT????
08/11 Direct Link
It's early -- the eleventh of the month. ticking ticking ticking. I feel the pressure of the doing nothing pushing me but have no idea where i'm being pushed by the turning of the pages.

I reached out yesterday. One replied only about what he was about to do without even a footnote about my published plight. The other patiently, once again, shared his knowledge with me - his thoughts about the road less taken and then (once again) pushed me to get out of my cerebral fortress and begin to live in the world.

And still I sit. time pushing me.
08/12 Direct Link
It's ok. Yeah -- I've got this.  This is an options based life.  If the quandary is which option, then it's only a minor one. I have direction now - several of them actually and want to act on them all at once.

Now I'm having trouble slowing down, marking time. So like me to move from one extreme to the other. Nothing new in this.  Now I'm limited only be time (and money). Later energy as well.

I've shifted a bit from the grandiose to the more doable - not so much a sign of thoughtful contemplation as doable
08/13 Direct Link
I'm ready tonight for all manner of things. Ideas rushing at me. Spoons and jars and batik and madras and eight tracks and jumper cables and poetry and reading and humour and thought and fun and yes, some sad and poignancy all.

Scrabble and flea baths and hair bows and edits. Dinner and prescriptions and thoughtful conversations. Puppies and ponies and minds wafting back. Ideas tumbling over each other in their need to get OUT.

Jane Austen and Lord Byron. John Murray and Madame de Stael. Gothic corsets, blue jeans, bare feet! Did I say that it's time for LIFE?
08/14 Direct Link
My netbook needs nurturing - don't we all? Just, it seems, when i find new tricks she is able to perform, her error message begins to pop up to tease me. I try. She demures. I try again. She smiles at me indulgently before once again displaying her maddening window designed to frustrate even the most patient of the patient.

Today my hearts desire that she is so actively and effectively thwarting involves voice recording. Enter sansa clip - so cute, so dear, so willing. I speak. She records. Perfect! All she ever requires is a charge (unlike a certain netbook computer!)
08/15 Direct Link
Ahhh Sunday now - half of the month is over and moving towards September and fall. My mind wanders back to other just before Septembers in my life. When did I stop thinking and yearning for new books and school supplies (yes, I LOVE the feel of paper, notebooks, that special pen) and think of off season rates at the beach, miles of sand, open and uncluttered after the rest of the world goes back to their fall frenzy of activities. To say I prefer this would be an understatement, but to deny the pleasures of the then would also be.
08/16 Direct Link
I remember writing sometime back in july - i pinpoint july because i had stopped writing for a year and only started back again last month: july. To continue: I remember writing sometime back in july that i could feel a shift beginning, nothing dramatic, in fact somewhat subtle.

It's gaining momentum now and we're midAugust now. Again, nothing dramatic - subtle still.  But when i look back to the winter and even last fall, i see a dramatic change - one that, while gradual, adds up to dramatic.

I now am glancing ahead to January, sealing it in for future looking back.
08/17 Direct Link
In bed, wide awake, 3:30am. So awake, getting up doesn't seem an option. I thought about the netflix i'd been hanging on to and not watching because of a 2 hour+ run time. Now?  YES, i thought, with great energy and resolve. YES.

Here it is, 6:30am now. Did i watch the movie? nope. Once here at the computer i checked my e-mail, got up to make coffee, read a bit of news, Suddenly I was gripped by the exhaustion I'd wish to've felt BEFORE I arose. and so to bed with netflix scowling at me.
08/18 Direct Link
I love the water. Any water. The ocean is my favorite but lakes will do even down to the water i use to wash the dishes. The feel of it rushing over my fingers as i perform this mundane task becomes sensual in its ability to transport me.  A strong memory for me from the '70s is a mountain lake, good friends and sound of the twin waterfalls of frigid water falling and then splashing on the rocks below before melding into the tiny lake - pool, actually, formed in rock. We came upon it unexpectedly - perfect moments.  
08/19 Direct Link
I'm testing this to see if I put the numbers in the block it will take the entry. I don't want to write ahead or even need to, but of course I can't resist the challenge of trying.

I have no idea how to help you enter the what DO you call them - the forum - the threads for members. I remember having to sign in completely separate from the writing section, but saved my log-in and haven't seen it again. I don't log out of that portion and so have I not haven't had to log back in - no idea!
08/20 Direct Link
Well that worked out nicely! I notice my editing was too quick and I left an extra word in when re-writing, but not an issue with me. I use this forum for a casual writing tool with little regard for perfection - merely the free form thought that comes to me as I'm writing.

Sometimes I know what I'm going to wrote, but more often than not, I jump to the keyboard when my mind is full and running in many directions because I know something will flow out and there it will be. I am never surprised, always surprised.
08/21 Direct Link
And now it's an addiction - while the writing is going smoothly, I hesitate to stop and so - i continue.

I've reconnected with an internet friend who I've known for many years (since 1998 perhaps? or earlier?) and we've been exploring the wonderful technology available to us now that was just beginning then. 

I remember the first instant connections we all enjoyed by using ICQ which later gave way to instant messenger, be it AOL or Yahoo or others.  Facebook is big now and while I use it, I distain the chat feature. Much too public for me! 
08/22 Direct Link

Time moves and with it -- change. Time can feel stagnant until you look back -- a day isn't enough, not even a week -- but take yourself back a month, six months, a year!  Stop now. Think about what you were doing last August. Who was in your life (friends, associates, et al) ?  What was your morning routine? Did you wake late or in the middle of the night? What types of foods were you eating?  Were you feeling well? What were you wearing?  Jeans? Business clothes? Now look at your now.  

08/23 Direct Link
I am overwhelmed today with a sense of unease, growing as the day progresses. This is new. I can't shake it. Music isn't doing it for me today. I've vacuumed, gone outside, come back in, had coffee, tossed the coffee, gone into the AC, opened the window, closed the window in there, gone back out into the main house with the breeze stirring the air, checked e-mail, played a game of something or other and STILL cannot shake this and cannot seem to stop the increasing intensity. What to do. What to do. Heart beating fast - too fast.  
08/24 Direct Link
Each day - so filled with promise. This one is. That's quite funny when reading the first sentence, but nevertheless.

August 24th. September soon. The heat of the summer may be past us now. It's cooler today, only 71F at present. Our senses play a major role in our feeling of well being. At 100+ it was all I could do to function but in this cooler zone, I'm filled with enough energy to dance happily through a series of days.

I've discovered that youtube has a playlist option. Forty+/- songs by the artist of my moment.
08/25 Direct Link
My sleep patterns have changed. I manage to sleep until 4:00something with few disturbances. By 5:00 I'm up with coffee & laundry going. I wander to the computer to check mail and news. It's now 8:15 and I've had my morning chat and after writing here will begin some project or other. Today's first project will be to attempt to fix my printer which refuses to grab the paper and so is useless even for scanning because it insists on being online in all ways before it will perform even tasks that don't involve paper.
08/26 Direct Link
The moon hung low and glowing last night - difficult to keep my eyes off of it despite the driving activity.

This morning, as the sun rose from the darkness, filtering light into my view and world, I sip my coffee and revel at these naturally occurring, awe inspiring manifestations of our planet's workings - chaos theory? Regimented workings from the most lofty to the tiniest microbe.

Now the sky, blue and bright, shows off the pattern of puffy cirrocumulus clouds that rival the beauty of the moon just witnessed.

What next is in store for me this day?
08/27 Direct Link
As I sip my coffee awaiting the sunrise, I've written the "end of summer" entry and my mind is drifting slowing into making plans for fall. fall and life.

I have friends who are also in their 60s who are taking courses. This doesn't interest me in any way: buying books on demand and meeting. There are online courses that might hold some interest for me if I should ever run out of my own selections for reading and research, but that's doubtful. I've never liked the guided study of formal coursework. I read and research in clusters. 
08/28 Direct Link
Having a house guest takes a lot of of me even when it seems they are low maintenance and not actually my guest but that of the other person who lives in this house with me.

The cleaning frenzy that precedes and the put every dish away almost as soon as it hits the sink and the don't leave anything out and the oh my i didn't wash that window and the will the old, nearly blind, nearly incontinent dog have an accident and the cut the grass before but not too soon before and the be dressed always. sighing.
08/29 Direct Link
It's good to touch base with family - extended though they may be. I have a cousin who lives in Ohio. Her husband, who is fearful of flying, conducts business here. As a result, they drive in every few years and we meet for dinner and a visit. We stay in touch by e-mail and now and then by phone, but the visits which punctuate the time are what keep us close.  Her mother and mine were sisters. My mother died in 1967. Her's over twenty years later. Mine of cancer. Her's from complications brought on by Alzheimer's.
08/30 Direct Link
When I wrote 100 words before - a year ago - my writing came from deep inside, pouring out - thoughts and feelings long hidden, springing out into the daylight of the written word. It was emotional. Important. At times tragic.

This time it's none of that. The word superficial comes to mind. I write easily but of nothing of importance. The moon, a house guest, a flea challenge - nothing of any importance at all.

I'm closing in on the month now and am wondering if there is any purpose in continuing beyond tomorrow's writing. I think not. but not a passionate not.   
08/31 Direct Link
I lost a day. I opened this up and couldn't figure out why the advent was gone and there were so many people who'd finished the month before the end of the month.

I closed it back and tried to sleep again. I've had a searing headache since yesterday from too much sun. I've stayed out of the sun this summer because it's been so terribly hot, but we had a week of mid 80s and clouds and so i was caught off guard by the sudden 90++ with bright sunshine.   I loved the day, nevertheless - sparkling water.