MMMM

Emotions are very interesting and provoke thoughts of the forbidden. Sometimes I am not sure why I feel the way I feel about anything. Its quite odd really, questioning your own motives. Questioning your own thoughts of what is, what yet to be and what was.

But I guess this is a moment that we all have to come to, I really should title this moment of writing another random thought, because that's all my head seems to be filled with these days.

But there are some moments in life that I am really feeling that way. Seems to be the theme of my life uncertainty. But I am young, and I guess it the way your supposed to feel, not set in one's ways.

Attention Please...Attention Please

Please take a cautious effort to refrain from approaching the following female.

She is African-American, big brown bright eyes. Has a big smile. A kind heart, and I good head on her shoulders.

Is an artists, and loves to make people laugh. Did you forget to mention that she cooks! As a big family, and great morals. Well be loyal and trusting and happy to be your eternal muse.

If you approach here you may be exposed to her brilliant light, and actually become attached. But if you come and find yourself so unwilling to cherish her you may become allergic, and if that is case your best remedy is to stay AWAY FROM HER. Distance Please!

My Spring Frustration

I think this season is the most interesting season. If you think if its symbolic approach, everything is anew. New birth of flowers, fruits, colors, fashion, emotions, heck maybe even life.

I think its interesting, why is it that spring is a great symbol or new love interest. Why is the attraction strong then? The sun is shining, and everyone's attitude is good and dandy.

Men are looking and girls are flaunting their cute open toes, and skirts, because its warm. And summer is approaching.

Why is my dating system having so many bumps on the road?

Did I really just do that?

I feel like a scene from Mel Gibson's what woman want. Because I am so thinking thoughts that I really appreciate that no one can hear. Especially parties of interest, boy that would be very embaressing.(I think I mis-spelled that)

Why do girls put ourselves out there so much, even the most confident girls fall for the jerks. Not saying that I currently like jerks, but I it interesting that we like to settle on bullshit, to have the patience do deal with crap.

But I guess in other words since we are all human that no one is perfect, and we all have our flaws, maybe the actual question to ask is more like why do we settle for the mistakes instead of trying to upgrade our selves, and others,but with also except our unique qualities as a person.

I think your afraid of me

You fear my deep passion and strong sense of self. You fear my body and step mind.

But your mind and body crave me, you step forward, and then three steps back, because I tempt you.

But my spell has already been casted on you, and slowly but surely you I've haunt your every thought. I have touched the tips of your heart and now you want more.

You look at the details of my body, my face, and my lips. Don't fear me love, let me take care of your needs.

I can mend your heart.

A Poem for my mother

Thank you, for your kind words, and strong will. Thank you for passing it down onto me. Thank you for always being there even at times you could not make it,I know where your heart was and stood.

Blessing upon your life, and I wish that you will always be graced with the gift of a mother's love. There are few people that can be called true mother's and that were born to give nothing but unconditional love.

And that is you my dear mother, Queen NDD. I thank you and love from the bottom of my heart.

Why am I feeling this way?

I think there are moments that I am totally confused about the concepts of my daily internal struggles with the emotion of love.

Or Lust I should say, is it ok to be attracted to so many people at once? I mean it seems like the obvious word would be yes, especially if you are tied down (tied down that sounds wrong) to a particular person.

But I have always been the girl that can only be attracted to a one person at a time. Like I cannot like two people at once, be it a day dream fantasy guy or a reality guy. I don't like dividing my feelings. In addition even when I am over them, they already took a piece of my heart even they if know it or not.

You had me at hello

Seriously??? That sounds all romantic and all, and I think it would nice to he head over heels after a person says a daily common word: HELLO.

But event the confident, cocky folks who think that hey may be to good to admit at love (or lust) at first site, have been smitten over the a smile and simple word of greeting.

I myself have not personally been taken by the word hello, but I have been crushed by the word goodbye! Be it a death, or an awkward moment of conversation. Sheesh that's wack.

My life

Sometimes you look at reflection in our lives and sometimes wish we could go back and do some things differently, but if those were changed we would not be aware of the mistakes or embarresing moments, to change our ways.

Sometimes things need to happen so that we can move on forward and deal with new ways to approach with the situation.

I am exhausted and tried and trying to make some progressive process on trying things to work out with people, people meaning men, their exhausting and I really don't appreciate the crap that they are putting me through.

I am actually going to take this moment to pitch my other writing blog site:

http://bohemianlady.wordpress.com

I have some writings of poems, and samples of scripts and short stories that I am putting up for feedback.

And I would like to take a moment to let the lovely craters of this website, that they are awesome and I appreciate the idea of this site, it was totally helped me, a writer with terrible writer's block come out of the shell.

So here is my big thank you!!! For helping out us fellow artists.

Now a few moments I will state ,my next statement... I am going to put up a sample of my story, "This is a love story."

This is a Love Story

(C)2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

“This is a love story!” I yelled. “ I need you to understand that! Its not just some fucking soap opera shit that I just put together; it’s a simple love story between and woman and a man!

Real simple: they meet each other in a bar and then they fuck and then they get married, plain and simple! Why is it that such a big fucking deal?”

“Because Dani! People don’t just meet someone in bar, fuck them the same night, and get married in two weeks! I’m sorry but that just does not happen!” yelled John.

This is a Love Story- Part II

(C)2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

“Hey well then, do you want to write the fucking story? Because I’m not going to do it!” I said, as I threw the huge stack of pages at him. “Because I am getting really tired of your damn criticism.”

“I’m your editor. That’s what I am supposed to do.” John says in a sarcastic manner.

“That’s not the point!” I exclaimed, “You’re supposed to only critique it for spelling errors and grammar mistakes, shit like that, you know, not for the freaking story line.”

“Dani, you know for someone that has worked with me for a awhile, something about you has just dawned on me… you don’t know what my job is! All this time, Dani? Dammit!” John stared into my dark brown eyes.

This is a Love Story- Part III

(C)2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

If you didn’t know us you would have thought that we were brother and sister. We think alike, talk alike (we have mouths like sailors), and we fight over the dumbest things. Everything about us is particularly the same with the exception of our race.

My name is Dani Chase; I’m a slender, curved African-American woman with a fabulous bust and an ass to match. John Dayton, on the other hand would be described to you as your average white boy… well, English white boy to be exact. We both have raven colored hair and dark brown eyes;

well John’s is a bit wavy, with a slight taste of curliness to it. My hair is naturally tightly curled; as of right now it’s straight, and long. We had been yelling since I don’t know when this morning about my damn book. Now, I have been working on this book for about a year now and I’ve known John for about year and a half, we met (amazingly) at a bar, and hit it off right away, and I do mean hit it off in a different kinda way (if you know what I mean).

This is a love story- part IV

(C)2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

After that night at the bar, I had later discovered that he was an editor at a publishing house. And he discovered that I was a writer. It was smooth sailing from then on out, with the exception of this book that we were currently arguing over. See I’m a passionate person, in everything that I do. Especially when it comes to my writing and I’m deeply passionate about love.

Now I can’t count on how many times I have suffered from a broken heart, but I still have faith towards love, no matter how many times it has created an emotional barrier in my life.

This is a love story- part V

(C)2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

I wanted to write a novel about the sweet satisfaction of love and the benefits of it, but in a more obscure way. So I chose to have my couple meet in the classic overplayed way… in a bar. John has been annoyingly disagreeing with me about this in the last 3 hours.

“Dani, please man, you have got to listen.” John contested.

“In case you haven’t noticed I’m not a man.” I was being a smart ass, to annoy him even more. I like doing that to him. It’s a turn on for me, I’m one of those chicks who likes to fight and then get nasty afterwards. It’s one of my passions.

A poem for my father

Think you for your strong will, and your sacrifice. Not many father have been willing to sacrifice so much as you have, and I am writing to let you know that I appreciate it well and I always will.

A appreciate your love for knowledge and education, and the will for one to always question the route one's faces. And to not just take an answer for its simplicity but to look deeper into root of truth.

For your sometimes childish humor, showcasing that we are never too grown up to have a child's heart. For quite demeanor, the moment to think of thoughts and sometimes actions. To challenge our own thinking, and teaching how important one's independence.

Thank you.

I miss you...I think

I once was listening to song that spoke of missing someone before even knowing them or even kissing them. Have moments of deja vu.

Why...why am a craving a cuddle buddy, craving a moment of tenderness. Or kicking it at a great cafe, travel around the world observing wonderful art. Going away for the weekend at a cook island.

Why am I wishing for a sweet hug and light kiss? Are these things so difficult to wish for? I am tried of being out of the loop with these things.

But all I do is get annoyed when I see your face.

Relevance

I just realize the that my life is an open drum. Sometimes, I think some random ass person comes along and just pounds on me with random beats that don't make any sense because they don't play along to the melodies of life.

How are you life? Because I feel like we haven't really communicated recently. I feel like you are ignoring my goals, and ignoring the joy that is due to me after some much crap, reality served me on a plate.

Why is my interpretation of life always put on hold? Why can't I have a golden moment that last more then a damn day!

A Poem for my lil brother

Your sisters are classic in their own right, they posses their own uniqueness that will forth challenges for the world to see.

You have brought that already in our family by being the only boy! You are young and much awaits your true purpose here, but it's very fulling to have you as my little brother.

You carry very strong attributes of both of our parents, mom's intuition and understanding, and papa's way of always questioning the truth, and strong intellect.

But in your own way you bring forth and innocence, that is reminder to me of what I once was.

Thank you for being my brother...little squirt!

I just want to know- A random thought

I just wanted to know what is the purpose to my existence?

I have no idea what I thinking at the moment, oh and another, umm can I get laid on a legit matter without feeling like crap?

It was cute the innocent thing but now I am feeling a little old.

It's because I'm pretty intense right? So I have been told, but I really don't think that is the fact. I guess i have just been BSing for a coooool minute

So what am I to do...seriously?

This is a love story- part VI

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady- All Rights Reserved

“Don’t be a bitch.” John said in a sly manner.

“Excuse me?” I said, with my hands folded across my chest. “ I know you didn’t just call me bitch, ok man-I’m about to-“

“What? You’re not going to do shit! So quite acting like you are.” John stated in a sarcastically.

He knows me to well. I shut up and just stared at him. He’s attractive, that’s for sure, and I’m a sucker for guys with dimples, especially the ones with only one dimple on their face. John’s was on the right side of his cheek. I walked over to him and gave a huge hug and kiss on his right cheek.

“You’re lucky an angel kissed you first before me, or my kiss would have scarred your cheek.” I said.

This is a love story- part VII

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

“Sure it would have.” John says, as he kisses my forehead. “I love you Dani.” John looks at me all starry eyed. I hate when he does that shit, because the worst thing is I don’t love him. I like to sleep with him and that’s about it. He’s been my friend with benefits. Not only when I need some at night, but he’s been helping me boost my writing career.

“Dani?” John whispered.

I was thinking for something else to say quickly before he starts to ask me that silly question again.

“Yeah?” I responded in a sexy tone.

This is a love story- part VIII

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady- All Rights Reserved

“How come you never say you love me back? I mean, it wouldn’t kill to at least admit you have some feeling for me,” John stated sadly. He’s such a girl sometimes.

“John, how many times do I have to tell you: I do show my emotions toward you. Just in the bedroom.” I quickly let him go and start walking towards the kitchen to make me something to eat. All this arguing is making me sort of hungry.

“You want something to eat?” I wanted him not to feel so bad, since I know I didn’t give him the response he wanted.

This is a love story- VIV

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

“No, thank you, I was just leaving.” John said sadly. I didn’t look at him, but I could tell that there was a strange sound in his voice; he sounded very fragile. I turned around and noticed that he had started to cry.

“John! Man! Why are you crying?” I wanted to sound somewhat concerned; truth was I really didn’t give a shit.

“Nothing I’m not crying, I got something in my eye,” he said as he turned away from wiping his face.

“Aww, come on man that response is older then my great grandmamma. Come on, let’s talk. I said something to upset you, so let’s just argue it out and continue with our day.”

This is a love story- part VV

(C)2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

I was hungry. Normally when I am hungry, I just want to eat and I have a low tolerance for bullshit, but I knew I couldn’t just ignore what he was feeling, since he obviously wasn’t feeling that good.

“It’s always like that with you. Why can’t you for once just take me seriously and not treat me like I am some dirt on the streets! Dammit Dani, I don’t know how many times I have said I love you and you never have taken me serious. Why Dani? Why? Has the past year and a half meant anything to you?” John was actually trembling and tearful; damn-I think I really hurt his feelings.

“I can get something to eat first, before we start talking? I’ll be real quick, I just want to make me sandwich.” I said anxiously, cause my stomach was starting to bitch.

This is a love story- part VVI

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

“What?” John looked puzzled.

“Food… me need to eat now…or will…turn into…bitch.” I said, phonetically retarded.

John just gave me the “what-the-fuck” look and made an annoying sighing noise. He turned away from me and looking at the manuscripts on the floor. I went to the kitchen made a good turkey and avocado sandwich, with provolone cheese and honey mustard. And poured me a glass of cranberry juice. Took a bite into my juicy sandwich and felt ready to battle. Something told me that this argument was going to take awhile. When I walked back in the living room, John had left. Well shit, the man couldn’t even wait for me to finish my damn sandwich. “Awe well,” I thought to myself, “I’ll just call him later.”

This is a love story- part VVII

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

When I sat down I noticed that there was a letter left on top of the pile on manuscripts, which had been picked up and put on the center table. I picked up the letter and it read:

“I came here today to tell you that I was leaving for Paris tomorrow. I got a better job there and I am working for a new, upcoming publishing company. I wanted to see if you really even cared for me, because if you did, I wanted you to come with me. But now I see that you don’t have the same feelings for me as I do for you. So I guess that it’s best for the both of us that this happened. I will pass your book on to the new editor taking over my position. And I will tell him to make you think of a better story because I still think the story you’re telling now is a bullshit one.

This is love story- Part VVIV

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

Oh, no he didn’t just diss my book! He just had to have the last word! Anyway that’s not the point, the point is that I love you, Dani and I wanted you to love me in return, but you don’t…

How many times is he going to say that?

I still wish the very best for the future of your career and I hope to someday see you again.

Goodbye Dani, John

This is a love story- Part -VV

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

Good-bye? What type of closing is that? And why is he acting like he really is not going to come over tomorrow, and sit down and talk to me like we have been doing for the past year and a half. Now I know I said I was deep about love, but damn John is straight up drowning in it. Am I really that oblivious to his affection? I felt odd because for the first time I was realizing how hypocritical I have been. Here I was waiting for love to come knocking my door, writing about how much passion I have for it, and yet it was standing in front of me for the all this time, and I didn’t give it any attention.

This is a Love Story- Part VVI

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

I never thought about how I haven’t dated anyone else since I met John. I’d just kept thinking to myself as long as I have someone giving me what I needed physically, I didn’t really want the emotional tie. Feeling completely stupid, my hunger ran away from me. Instead, I went back into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of red wine. Maybe a sip of the sour grape would ease my nervousness, I thought. But after 3 glasses, it only intensified my nervousness more. What was I so nervous about? I looked at the wall clock reading 6:00pm.

This is a Love Story- Part VVII

(C) 2004 Bohemian Lady All Rights Reserved

“I should call, shouldn’t I?” I thought to myself. No I won’t, because that what he wants. I’ll distract myself by doing something else. I looked at the pile of papers on the table. I started reading the pages to myself. All of a sudden I am came to realize: my story did suck. It wasn’t about love at all; instead it was just a story about sex, and relationships revolving around sex, but not about the true experiences of love. I had finally realized why John was saying the love story was so dumb. I was ignoring the truth there before my eyes. I loved John.