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Life is complicated. I'm not talking about how we are living, although that is quite a mystery and it's also complicated. I'm talking about life problems. Some people would use the word "Drama". Now i never really understood what "drama" was until now. I'm sure sometime down the line i'll say the same thing, but as of now, this is the closest thing I've experienced under that category. It's so strangely interwoven that i don't feel like typing it. It would be sure to spin your head in circles, like soap operas.
Just for your information, Rylee, I am single and i just have a new friend named Zach. He still likes me like i like guitars, but we are just friends. At least that is what we are until i fall for him. It went too fast, and we are starting over. I don't know what else to say. I don't like this word counter anymore because it counts conjunctions as two words. I think that is super gay. Microsoft Word doesn't do that.I guess i'll just live with it though. No more copy and paste.
I'm happy; today was great. I hung out with Randi and my mom. We went to Cedar Hill and then went swimming. I don't want to do my fucking summer homework. It makes me depressed to think about it. I just want to hang out with my friends. I've been finding myself having these feelings that I shouldn't have. I've been wishing that I could see him, and jealous when he hangs out with another girl, and not wanting to stop talking to him, I hate to say it but I think I was wrong.
I wish, just for the sake of wishing that my hand could be in yours and for the sake of hoping i'd hope that time could wait. I'd wish the sun would stop and i'd hope to God, and pray, that time would pause forever, forever and a day. i'd wish to be yours without a care in the world and hope to be lost, in our wrinkle of time- as we stare into, each other's eyes. I'd wish the fear'd be put aside and confidence'd come alive I'd hope, that...
I'm not sure how I feel, still. (Hey! the word counter stopped counting conjunctions!!! yay!!!) Sometimes I feel that I might just be liking him because he likes me, and that he is one of the rare guys who actually do. I know he makes breathing difficult sometimes, and I know he's really sweet, and I know he's funny, but I also think that I may not be ready for a relationship, and I think I may not like being tied down (not that I flirt with anyone or anything), and I think that I am thoroughly and completely unsure.
I wish it was last night again, but cooler. The way he held me, the way he ran his fingers across my arms in random doodles, the way it made my breathing so incredibly difficult, I want it all again. It was like a high, that I only felt as I was taking the drug. I didn't think anything of it until today. I've found myself longing for those hands on my arms. Like I said yesterday, I don't know if I like him just because he likes me, but I want to like him so much. Zachary Joel Hatchel.
I need a hundred words. I'm going to write them even though I feel like filling the page with curses; I won't. I'm pissed off. I hate being me. I wish I were an orphan or something just so that I could control my own life. I hate not being in control of me. I can handle other people being in control of organizations and projects, but I despise the thought of someone else controlling me. The only one I want to control me would be God and lucky me, he lets me choose my decisions, which are probably wrong.
Going to Randi's house to spend the night, after church. So we went to church and played Frisbee, which was amazingly fun. Zach and Kevin were there; I acquired Zach's hat and necklace. We went to McDonald's to eat dinner, after it started raining. Then to Hastings. After that, Kevin decided to lose Zach on purpose, which was quite hilarious despite Zach being my boyfriend and all. Once all was figured out we went to Randi's house and watched a movie. Zach wants to kiss me, and I can tell, but I'm not ready. We looked at the stars instead.
I've watched a total of four movies over the past 24 hours. Two with my boyfriend, two without. I have a feeling that you, Rylee, don't really care, so I'll change the subject.
I'm going to Arkansas on Saturday. I'm pretty excited for this missions trip. I'm ready to see what God can do in other people's lives and hopefully in mine too. Randi isn't going anymore, but I will still have fun without her. Although, I did want her to come so that I could use her phone with unlimited text messages, so I could text people.
I'm not going to be here for the next week. I'll probably fill them in later with meaningless crap, unless i actually have stuff to say about the trip. It's ten o'clock and i need to pack. We are leaving tomorrow at 6:30 am. I feel like writing a song or poem or something, but i don't think i will, not on here anyways. I'm pretty excited about this trip. I don't know what else to say. My days have been full of church and hanging out with my friends; i don't think you want to read about that.
Darn, i have a whole week to write for. Fudge muffins! mission's trip was great. I had so much fun, i can't even begin to explain, but i guess i will. I worked on what was called the Stories on Wheels bus. We went to a complex about thirty minutes away from town to have a mini vacation bible school with them. This was from monday thru thursday. After this we went to work with the construction crew. Monday and Tuesday we cleared out an old building so that they can repair it and remodel it into a homeless shelter.
Wednesday, after lunch, we stood outside a grocery store and handed out watermelon and lemonade. Thursday i went with the construction crew again, and painted a fence for a garden. The kids at the complex were so loving, it was amazing. I want to go back next year, and i want to keep going back. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I also got to grow closer to my new church and youth group, which was great. Now that i'm home, there is a bunch of drama going on with the best friend and her boyfriend.
I hope everything gets all figured out; things are going great with my boyfriend though. I am scared to fall in love, but i think he's changing my mind. Zach came when i got back to see me, along with Randi. We hung out; i realized how much i missed him. I am ready for tomorrow, which is saturday. I think i will write the rest of these then, and go to bed soon. It's been a long day, and i'm getting sleepy. Plus, if i go to sleep, the time i get to spend with him will come faster.
I want to play Frisbee so badly! It may seem dorky, but it's freaking amazing. I am hoping that when Zach comes over tonight (which is actually Sunday night, i'm just writing in here because i was gone these days) we can play fratch. I think that one hundred words should have a topic that if you can't think of anything to write about, you can write about that topic. That way i wouldn't have to write about nothing. Wouldn't that be so nice? I think it would. I have like twelve words for this unbelievably awesome and cool sentence.
So today, (Sunday) i counted how many bug bites i got from being in Arkansas. I counted 46. Forty-three of which were on my legs. In case you are stupid and have not come to the conclusion that i am itching, i will tell you: I am itching. Thank God for Benadryl. There were mosquitoes everywhere. Sorry if i'm repeating what i've said in previous days, i don't remember. But anyways, we had mosquitoes all in our room and stuff. There must have been chiggers at the apartment place we went to too because my feet are quite bitten.
Hola! Como estas? Yo quiero saber si yo requerdo todas las cosas que yo aprendo en el ano pasado.
I sure do hope i have. If i don't then Spanish three is going to be a bitch. Hopefully Mrs. Hamilton did her job well. Time will tell. Charlie the Unicorn Two, the unicorns randomly start speaking to a Z in spanish. Do you know what they say? They say it really fast, so i can never tell. You know what's pointless? MySpace. It is the most pointless thing; i don't even know why i get on it anymore.
Ever wish you could make yourself fall in love? Ever wanted to see what you would be like in the future, not how you got to be that way, but just like at a certain age? Ever wished you were more interesting? Ever felt like you weren't interested in anything? Ever wished you had been in love, so that you knew what it felt like, so that you could tell someone if you loved them or not? Ever felt really sad, but not known why? Ever felt like you weren't right, but didn't know how to correct yourself? I have.
It's been two weeks today.
I slept in till noon thirty, then hung out with Zach and Randi. Later, Kevin joined us and we went and saw The Proposal. Pretty good day. It feels like a hundred words is too long these days. It's hard to fill them all up. I don't have much to say any more. Life is good, the drama level is down (in my own life at least) and i don't have much to complain about. I wish i had more texting, that is like the only thing. I have like 100 texts left.
I didn't feel like writing today. So i write for today tomorrow. Zach came over. We lost the Frisbee. I lost the Frisbee. I threw it over the neighbor's fence and they have big dogs, and they weren't home. We played rock band, i won, but only because he was on expert and i was on hard. I don't like writing daily any more. My life, i feel, is of no interest to you (or me for that matter). So i don't feel as if my days matter, so therefore i don't feel like i have anything to write about.
I still need to write for the 16th and 17th of July. I'm slacking, much like i am slacking on my school work. I quite desperately need to read my books and do the work that goes with them. I am trying to concentrate on them more. It is a little bit hard to do when you constantly talk to people or hang out with them. I want to meet Johnny Depp. He seems like an interesting guy. He always plays eccentric roles in movies, but i saw him present an award at some award show and he was reserved.
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend. you could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in. If you do not want to see me again, i would understand. I would understand. Well he's on the table and he's gone to code and i do not think that anyone knows what they are doing here. And your friends have left you, you've been dismissed. I never thought it would come to this and I, I want you to know, everyone's got to face down the demons. Jumper by Third Eye Blind. It's on.
I'm ready for tomorrow, as long as i get to see him. I've been listening to music a lot more lately. Went to church tonight. It was alright. We (Randi, Kevin, Zach and I) played Apples to Apples at my house afterward. My mom won't let me and Zach not be doing something. We have to be playing a game or something (not sitting around and just talking). This rule makes things a little bit more difficult to be able to hang out, which sucks. Bird and the Worm by The Used (it's on). We will figure it out though.
*sigh*. (that now qualifies as a whole sentence; see the period? What now?)I think that once again we need to slow it down. So therefore, i tell him so. Yay for Lydia, speaking her mind! It's all good though. I painted today. I think i got kind of high. I had a headache and i felt kind of slow. I may be painting tomorrow too. I'm not sure though. OH! i need to ask my mom if i can go to the little texas theater thing in downtown tomorrow night. The gang wants to go. I don't really though.
Just gave Zach like all of my music. Not like gave, but copied my music to his ipod. I'm spreadin' the MCR love. I really should go to bed, seeing as paintball tomorrow is at 9 o'clock. That's early. Probably going to sweat to death, but hey, it sounds fun to me. Haven't gotten bruises in a long time. I'm ready for it. I know that sounds crazy but i really do enjoy bruises. Well i'm off to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz. Not quite. Almost there. Keep going. So close! Just one more. Okay, we're good.
So yesterday (today) i was gonna go paintballing. Too bad. I was up at 9 in the freaking morning for no reason. Anyways. I went to Ellen's Amusement Park thing with Zach, Randi, and Laci. Then we met Kevin at McDonalds and ate. After that we went to Zach's and made a water slide out of tarps, dish soap, and water. That was amazing. Then we played spoons, which didn't last very long. Then we played hide and go seek in the dark, which was very fun. winky face, but not an extreme winky face...just a regular winky face.
Today was great. I am totally exhausted. I don't even want to be writing this right now. My neck hurts from the water slide we made yesterday. I'm sore from that and God knows what else. I think i love Zach. I went to church this morning, stayed the night at Randi's last night. I had to go to lunch with my dad, unfortunately. It wasn't that bad i guess. Went to Kevin's house and swam then hung out and watched a storm come in which was amazingly awesome. Then we watched Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Ole!
There's this thing called a thunderstorm. It's happening riiiiight now. I love them. Last night i watched one come in. It was perfect. Once it got close, you could see it moving towards you. The top looked like it was rolling and boiling towards you. The bottom of the cloud was so dark that it was almost a brown instead of gray. Some extra clouds on the bottom were twisting and rotating and lightning was striking; the wind whipped the trees around. I watched this amazing sight with my head tilted back on his shoulder and his arms around me.
I went to Whataburger today. Zach came and i ate lunch. I went home and finished Frankenstein. I only have a few more pages left of the packet. I will probably start the dreaded Guns, Germs, and Steel tonight. Zach came over with his friend Jack, who did Zach's homework on my computer since he doesn't have internet. Zach left. I feel like every time he leaves he is really sad, as if we aren't going to see each other again. I don't like it, i don't like when people are sad, and especially when it is because of me.
I don't wanna write today. I wanna be with Zach. He's leaving tomorrow and coming back on monday. I know it's not that long but whatever, i'll live. I don't know what else to say. I don't think you care about how i feel. I wanna listen to music. Music knows how i feel. Music understands, but i'm watching Friends. I really don't care. I wish someone was here to just talk to in person. I twisted my ankle; my brother twisted his knee when we were playing basketball.Zach loves me, and he knows i know he loves me.
The highlight of my day was probably reading Guns, Germs, and Steel out loud to my mom. I never thought that i'd be interested in it, but there are some things that are quite intriguing. I've only finished chapter two out of nineteen, but in my defense it is a very boring book and its big. The chapters are like twenty or so pages long. I'm tired of talking. I've been reading out loud for almost all of chapter two, but if i don't read out loud it isn't interesting at all. Chapter one was like hell because i didn't.
So there's this photographer named Ryan Russell. He photographed My Chemical Romance like one time, and i became his friend on myspace. I don't know why but anyways then i started following him on twitter, now there's this thing called Modlife. It has chat and its quite interesting to watch and read. He takes some pretty awesome photo's(mostly of bands). It cures boredom. Today was better than yesterday. I was gonna go swimming but it started lightning outside so i had to go in. Then i played guitar hero and then i got bored. I miss Zachary Joel Hatchel.
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