REPORT A PROBLEM
so, i hung out with some friends last friday. they are my good friends from west. There's something about them, that i just don't quite get though. I have a hard time talking to them sometimes. when we hang out. i just stand there like a bum with my mouth closed the whole time. It's just like "what the hell to talk about". Maybe it's just me, being a boring asshole, but, idk, ive never really been able talk to them so maybe, there not even my true friends, but, im pretty sure they are because, we talk sometimes and i like their company.
So we were supposed to have a gig last weekend on saturday but, it would have been so crappy. It would have been us and another alright band that plays completely different music from us at a venue that really isn't great.. or good at all really. it would have been horrible. we would have been opening too. god, worst show. anyway, i was a lying bastard for one day and i told my friend whos in the other band that my cousin was busy that day with his girlfriend and that we couldn't play because of that but, in reality, we just really didn't want to play.
My weekend felt so short. I had saturday market to do and it just took it out of me. It feels like sunday is now my only day of freedom to do whatever, although, sadly, whatever is usually sitting around. really, I need to make my life more productive, i need to write more music. I've just been waiting lately for some wierd wave of inspiration to come around and so far, those waves have yet to come. when I try and sit down and write music i just can't. It doesn't come. I think i need to start carrying a notebook around whereever. that might help.
i'm in love for the first time, don't ya know it's gonna last? it's the love that lasts forever! its the love that has no past. don't let me down, please.
So, i had a good time at Ike Quest. I didn't quite know what to think, but, i like Mark because he was descent enough to apologize to me and tell me he was wrong. really it was pretty funny thee whole situation. Made me infuriated and then made me laugh, good stuff, good stuff. whatever. fun's fun right?
Woke up, got outta bed, didnt comb my head, made my way to the bathroom, drank some water from my fausit, looking up I noticed I was late(as usual). Found my coat and i don't have any hats Made it to dad's mini van in seconds flat Found my way to the seat, wish i could have a smoke, and Somebody spoke and I went into a annoyed mood where everyone bothers me(for a few minutes).ahhhhhhh ahh ahh ahhhhhhhhhh ahh ahh ahhhhhh ahh ahh ahhhhh, ahhhhhhhh ahh ahh ahhhhhh, ahh ahh ahhhhhhhhhhh ahh ahh ahhh do do
Love of mine, someday you will die, but i'll be close behind, to follow you into the dark. No, blinding lights or tunnels to gates of white, just our hands clasped so tight, waiting for, a hint of a spark. If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the noes on their vacancy signs, if theres no one beside you, when you soul embarks, then i'll follow you into the dark.you and me, have seen everything to see, from bangkok to calgary and the soles of our shoes, are all worn down, the time for sleep is now, but it's nothing to cry about.
On sunday, i got up, then an hour later went back to bed, woke up to my fake brother and his girlfriend arriving at my house. I love those guys. then my mom and I went to Minto Brown to meet up with my father and my bro. we had a nice mothers day picnic there and then my day invited me to go can- ooo-ing with them. that was really fun. We went into the bogs at minto. we went exploring in the little water ways there as well. my bro was trying to catch fish, but didnt.
on saturday, i awoke at the crack of dawn(literally) to help my parents with Saturday Market. that was long and full of stuff i didnt want to do, but i did it, then i was finished and then, my friend josh came over and we chilled out for a while and then i helped my parents break down, then i went downtown for a Solar powered(dance band i'm in) photo shoot. that was alot of fun. we had some friends of ours take the pictures. I think some of them turned out really good. and then and then and then and then and then
The weekend, was good, i think, i'm not sure. It was good. On friday, i went and saw iron man 2 in theaters. It was what i expected to see, nice looking woman, robert downey jr as iron man and his opponent(mr. whippy) or whatever the hell his name was. It was very entertaining but other than that it really had no redeeming qualities, except for, Scarlett Johanson, she is stunning, absolutley mind blowing, so pretty... jeez. wife material. anyway, that wasn't half bad(except for the movie itself), than on saturday(continued to the next one hundred words)
i could already have what ive wanted for so long, if i had just read the signs. i could already be where i wanted to be, if i had just read the signs.
I just realized that when i got dropped off here, in front of the Ike Box, i was twenty whole minutes early, that means i could have spent all the extra time, that i was here, out there, outside, but instead i spaced out and walked straight in. why would i do that, moments before i got dropped off, i was planning on taking a walk and possibly coming into school late, but instead, i had a mind fuck, and got here like an early bird, what the hell is wrong with me? I don't get it, i wish i could think.
What needs to happen is this, a couple of good musicians need to just walk into my life, with all the time in the world and DRIVE. I would like nothing more then to be in a band with charisma, that has shows every week/day that is good and that people like. that would make me happy. have the music be energetic enough to get people moving, enough poppiness to get people humming and enough sophistication to get people to take a second look. Kind of like the beatles, with a lil nirvana for kick, and radiohead to soothe the burn.
We have gi-gay(gig) tomorrow, at the fairgrounds. We didnt practice for quite the little segment of time there, but, i think weve actually been playing pretty tight this week. Were playing at a benefit concert for a girl named Frida, who has cancer. I remember her from somewhere, she went to North but i think she must have gone to west a little bit. The picture of her in the newspaper makes her look so familiar. its weird. She's only like 16 and i think her cancer is terminal. that's more than just fucked. i don't get how someone that young can get cancer. it seems like its the type of thing where it comes on after you have lived your life and had your fun and messed your body up, but not before any of those things. Why is it that some people are born so unforunate and others are born into the "Bush" family and start making millions and snorting coke from the get go. They don't deserve what they have.
will there ever be a day, where no one is disapointed in the way things turned out?
The weekend, was pretty good. On Friday, i can't remember what i did, so it was probably great. On saturday, we had a gig. It was probably the worst damn gig weve ever played. It was just sloppy and emotionless and Matt's amp broke right before we played, so, that added to the crappyiness. It left us all feeling, a little dead inside. On top of that, at the gig, the Girl i like was there, and the girl who likes me was there, so, it was pretty damn awkward. I really didn't talk to either of them much. After we left, we all went to eat some taco's, and, I was in a really bad mood because of the gig and because, my friend Sam was so BUBBLY,(along with everyone else) and he was flirting with everyone, and i just wanted him to shut the hell up and quit telling me it's "ok" and to "cheer up". I kinda wanted to slap him. So basically, everyone went to eat Ice cream together and i walked alone downtown, and then, hung out, by myself at home.Not the best saturday ever, but, what-ever. then on sunday, i went can-oo-ing with my bro and my dad, that was really fun. My brother was catching underwater plant life the whole time and my dad and i were rowing and watching, it was great. we went to the slews in minto brown. it was, boggy but it was nature and family none the less.
will there ever be a day, that we had lived up to our entire lives?
What is happening? why am i here? why did i wake up? i could be sleeping? w`hat is the purpose of life.hahahqhahahahahahah NO ONE KNOWS
Same ol' same ol smae ol same ol same ol. I feel like a genuinly fake bastard. I feel like most the things i say sound insincere, personally, i'm not sure if they are infact, insincere, but, they sure do sound like it. all day, i just walk around pretending i'm in a different place, different people know me, and it keeps me sane. If i went along, doing normal things, living through a normal day in normal ways, i would be bored sick, so i just make up these little scenerio's to walk through. It's strange. at the same time it helps, i think i'm drifting.
up on a hill, this is where we begin, a little story, a long time ago.
Lets buck up, shall we.
Her majesty's a pretty nice girl, but she doesn't have alot to say. Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl but she changes from day to day. I want to tell her that I love her alot, but i gotta get a belly full of wine. Her Majesty's a pretty nice girl, I really want to make her mine, I really want to make her mine.
things are pretty magical, i really hope they stay the same. i really hope they stay the same.
I wish i had words all the time, to use whenever i really needed them. Good words, making great, meaningful sentences. One liners won't cut it any longer.
It's the time of the season, When the love runs high, In this time, give it to me easy, And let me try, With pleasured hands, To take you and the sun to, Promised lands, To show you every one, It's the time of the season for loving. Whats your name? who's your daddy?
Why does everyone have to be so disconnected all the time? Can't two people just say what they want to say without having some sort of mental breakdown over what the other person says?? Yes... maybe. It depends on what they want to tell though actually...but still. Can't two people walking down the street say hi to eachother, if they have only met once or so? I think so. you don't have to pretend that you've never layed eyes on them before. It just shows what the times have become. Everyone worries about themselves, their number 1. I mean, look at the seventies, do you think people were scared to talk to other people back then. Hell no. free love baby.
How knows what there is out there? How knows what they truely want.
typical, weird, dumbass trask, always making perfectly fine things, awkward as hell. What is wrong with me and my brain. why do i do the things i do? Why can't i just be normal sometimes? who knows, or cares. shit.
Writing lyrics is really hard, espesically to express how you feel and format it in a style that you like. to do both takes a nack for it and practice. i think in general, it's good to write your thoughts out. I've heard that it makes it easier to write the way you want, if you just ramble sometimes. I need to do more rambling, and less rambling. Less rambling in person, more rambling on paper, more rocking in the free world.
Over Memorial day weekend, i sat at home, hung out with friends, got syked about groovy band ideas, jammed the hell out, and was worried the whole time about one, stupid, awkward situation i had LAST WEDNESDAY. WHY am I such A WEIRDO at THE WORST TIMES. Dull, blob, over observant, silent, one liners, awkward pauses, slow converstion, exiting quickly, window gazing, awkward parent converstaion, strange smiles, bad vibes. All ALONE. See you on the flip side... LATER!1
So basically, lately, i've been thinking of adopting an additude, through rock'n'roll. The band vibes should be "i don't give two shits", that's what i'm going for. My friends Andy, and Andrew and I are going to start thee grooviest, thee sexiest, thee tightest, old school rock'n' roll band... with dance over and under tones(whatever the hell that means). Anyway, it's gonna be great. It's what i need to keep going these days. Something that has that vibe of "these guys don't give, but you should", something i can put my blood and elbow grease into. It's gonna be so much fun. rock'n'roll without consequences!
The Tip Jar