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2-1-10 writes really weird and I'm not sure I like it. Today wasn't all that exciting. No major realizations about life. Or major concerns apart from not knowing what's wrong with him =/. That'll get figured out soon hopefully. I just want it to be something simple and for us to feel ridiculous about getting upset over it.
I texted you almost every day last week saying I had to talk to you when you were free. Have you texted me? No. Have you called me? No. Do I still feel obligated to get hold of you?
Today could end up being a really good day. I got my cinnamon roll/french vanilla cappucino. I was patient in the parking lot and got a decent spot somebody drove past too soon. I got in the building just as the elevator doors were about to close and someone held them for me. When I sat down at the computer, I had half an hour to spare before class. I remembered his keyboard. English is the only obligation I have today.
Less than three weeks from now, I'll have been dating him fro a year. Still perfect.
This paper may in fact be the death of me. Two to three pages on the Ottoman Empire with all of the information coming from some crazily written article and a book that does not say a thing about what the paper is supposed to be about. This sucks. I've been working forever and I'm so distracted and unfocused I can't stand it. I know I'm going to wait til the last minute to finish it and get annoyed with myself and just not wanna do it.
I just got major deja vu writing that last sentence. Ugh.
I haven't written anything good in a long time. I only write well when I'm upset and I've just been too happy. I can't really complain about that though. I wouldn't trade the happiness I've had for the past year for volumes of masterpieces with my name on all the covers.
I know he's the reason everything has changed. He makes me laugh. He excites me. He makes everything I already know even better. He calms me down. He gives me butterflies and makes me think. He doesn't let me take the easy ways out. He's my everything.
Didn't have to go to my call in. But ended up at Crocker anyway with the best friend to go out to dinner for no reason other than to talk and hang out. Too bad it was a freaking blizzard outside and we probably almost died twice between driving there and back. But running through Crocker, well, shuffling and waddling, and laughing like crazy, knowing we looked like morons...yeah, that's worth it. Of course I work Superbowl Sunday until an hour before game time. I don't care as long as I get out on time and can see him.
We designated today "comfy clothes and movies day" before the snow even hit. Once it did though, that plan was cemented. I almost died on the ride out to Parma because of a big stupid black truck and the fact that only one lane of the highway was fully plowed. But I ended up making it out fine and once we went to Blockbuster, we were in the house under a blanket for the day. Up was really cute. We laughed. Alot. But I didn't cry like everybody said they did. I'm not a big movie-cryer. With some exceptions.
Superbowl Sunday. And I worked from twelve to five. But at least my boyfriend met me at work so we could go to a friend's new apartment together to watch the game and hang out with friends. Tonight was one of the best nights I've had this year. Any night that I can be with my boyfriend and my friends at the same time is better than most other nights. It doesn't happen very often so I guess it just feels special to be laughing with them while holding his hand. I can't wait for that to happen more often.
Me and my best friend go shopping way too much. Thing is, we rarely buy anything other than food. "Shopping" to us means getting together, walking around the mall, trying on clothes we know we won't buy but hoping they fit anyway, and talking about everything that has been going on with both of us. Its like a detox, release, and vent session all rolled up into one and its free if we let it be.
I can't wait to get started on the anniversary present. Its gonna be amazing when I'm done with it. He'll love it.
This snow is ridiculous. And yet I still called Alex to see if he wanted to go get a free grand slam at Denny's. I will apparently go through almost anything for free food. Being the bad influence he is, he suggested sneaking into a movie since neither of us had anything better to do all day. We pretty much walked right into Theater 3 where Legion was playing. I had no idea what it was about but it was starting when we got there. It was actually better than most movies I've paid to see in the last year.
I hate writing stupid papers. The ones that have no point other than to make you do something for the class. My professor is batshit crazy but reminds me of my mom's aunt. I have myself convinced she probably lived in Pennsylvania at one time or another.
My classes and professors evened out pretty well this semester. Interesting stuff with a super excited prof, shit I know with a prof who is clueless, stuff I love with an awesome prof, stuff that's helpful with a really nice prof, and then shit I couldn't care less about with Grandma Batshit.
We spent alot of time last night talking about the Pennsylvania trip. If I can't go, I'm gonna be so upset. His friends are such a blast and its pretty much going to be my "get away for Spring Break" since I'm not going anywhere else. This house is gonna be hell that weekend if I'm stuck in Elyria.
My priorities are so messed up when it comes to work to be done. I have to finish up my English paper by 11 but instead I'm on here catching up with my entries. What can I say? Papers suck.
2 hours to just kill time with a computer and my mp3 player. I love it.
This weekend is gonna be awesome. The rest of today is gonna consist of: stress management, best friend, boyfriend, friends I haven't seen since summer, and cleaning out my car. Tomorrow I'm hanging out with my boyfriend all day until we meet up with those same friends and go to another friend's show at Peabody's. Then he's spending the night and we're hanging out all day Sunday if I can get out of work. Best weekend in a while =] and anniversary next week =]]]
Friend's show was awesome. I ended up in the wall around a mosh pit, shoving people back in and trying not to get sucked in myself. Then, I was watching the crowd surfers and commented to my friend how fun it looked. Next thing I know, she's leading me into the middle of what was the pit, taking my purse off from around me, and pointed up. Split second decision, let's do this. I was up before I knew it and floating over the hands of everyone in the crowd. It was so incredible. I've never done anything like that.
My amazing/wonderful/sweet/romantic/adorable/perfect boyfriend made this valentine's the best ever. Just being with him for two days straight made this weekend so awesome but the gifts he got me were amazing too. Twelve gorgeous roses, peanut butter chocolates [the good shit!], a pretzel chocolate bar, and the cutest teddy bear. And an adorable Zelda card. And somehow we ended up having almost the exact same valentine's day we did last year seperately, only this time we were together all day, not just texting. He just makes me so happy and makes my life so much better<3
I was supposed to write a paper, go to Mary Kay, and go play poker tonight. Then, it snowed. Now, I'm sitting at my computer after watching four episodes of America's Funniest Home Videos with my mom and eating homemade chicken noodle soup. I'm not complaining.
Really hoping she says yes to the Pennsylvania trip in March. I want to get away for a weekend with my boyfriend a few of his friends. Just need to get away from here. I'm sick of this city and this house. I'm getting cabin fever like crazy. I need a vacation.
I deliberately skipped class for the first time. I woke up, showered, got semi-ready, then decided to just say fuck this. My prof is batshit crazy and senile. I can't stand her. I know I did this paper wrong even though I followed the handout. I'm just so aggravated with that class and we've barely done anything. I already learned about Milgram and Zimbardo in Intro to Psych. Why am I learning it again in College Composition 162? I know that should just make it easier for me but its not. Its just annoying. I miss my 161 prof.
Papers are ruling my life. I was supposed to do the English paper last night but of course I procrastinated and got about a sentence done before I just gave up. I need to take that in tomorrow and my history paper that I haven't even looked at the handout for is due Friday. I'm sick of not working. I need a new job but its so impossible to find one right now. I have my boyfriend's resume and I'm having a hard time figuring out what to put for interests. Maybe that's why I can't decide on a major.
I'm trying so hard to be calm and patient with my mom about this PA trip. But it shouldn't even be a conversation. I know I live in her house, by her rules, blahblahblah, but seriously. I'm 19. I've never given her any issues. I don't drink or smoke. I'm not going to Cancun for Spring Break for a week alone and asking her to pay for it. I wanna go to Gibsonia, PA for a weekend, entirely financed by myself. For a DDR tournament. I don't even know why I have to ask for permission. I should just go.
Another day wasting time in the library between classes. Except today I have working headphones. With an extremely short cord but beggars can't be choosers. I'm on a huge Brand New and Spill Canvas kick lately. I wish I could write lyrics or play an instrument. I've given up on that though. I tried to learn to play guitar once and just couldn't get passionate about playing. Listening though. That's where my head is at. Ideally, laying down with my eyes closed and nothing except the music. Live. Recorded. Doesn't matter to me either way. I just wanna feel it.
Even though our one year isn't until monday, we celebrated it today. I'm so glad he loved the memory book I gave him and I can't even begin to say how much I love his present. He wrote me a whole page telling me how much he loves me and how amazing the last year has been...I started tearing up while I was reading but tried to hold it back. Then, I reached into the bag and pulled out a box...I knew the feel of that size box. The gorgeous diamond ring inside pushed me over the edge.
Interesting day at work. 19 Action News at Barnes & Noble. Shoplifter arrested in front of the store. Oh, and the horny teenage couple who thought I was just gonna let them into the same dressing room. Do I look like an idiot? After I kicked him out, I walked into the front room to talk to someone and they weren't a minute behind me. Enough time for her to try on the dress? Not unless she's Clark Kent's daughter. I got to see my boyfriend for a few hours. Exactly a year from the first time we hung out alone =]
Its 8 am right now. This exact time last year, I was still single. Hell, I was probably still sleeping. I had only been talking to him for a week and only hung out with him the night before. I was just praying that it wasn't all just gonna end at that. Then he texted me around 2 or 3 and we both asked where this was going. He asked me out. And this became the best relationship I have ever been in. He's so fucking incredible. He makes me happier than anyone ever has. I'm in love with him.
You know what you fucking bitch...grow up. That was so unnecessary and mean and nasty. I can't believe you'd say something that shitty to such a nice guy. He never did shit to you or your friend. You're just a cunt. And I don't use that word. I hate that word. Go start shit with someone in your own state. Don't be a little bitch and text people hours and hours away and ruin their day. Don't fuck with my friends. I don't even know you and I wanna fucking punch you. Fuck you and every other dumb bitch.
I hate papers. I really hate English papers. I especially hate English papers where the prompt is completely different from what the professor expects. Why can't things just be clear cut? Or at least explain what you want instead of making us guess. Its really really stressful.
And for the second day in a row..fuck dumb bitches. Seriously. Grow up. Why is this such a thrill for you? Imitating someone else and messing with people. How mature is that. Then claiming your someone else neither of us know. Really? You're an idiot. Just get over it already.
Rest in peace Papou <3. Its been a year since you passed away and way too many since I've seen you. I don't like that you're buried in Detroit where I can't visit but that's kinda how it was when you were alive too. I didn't realize what the date was today until the middle of my English class and I got kinda upset with myself for it. I miss you. I wish you had lived closer and I wish I could have known you better. It sucks when you realize all of that once its too late to change.
Rest in peace Puppup <3. Ten years today according to mom. I always forget what day it was. I just know it was the end of February and a leap year. I'm sorry I haven't been out to the cemetery. The snow has been really bad and I remember the year we couldn't find your headstone and my sister and I were tearing apart all the snow and crying trying to find where to leave your flowers. He was with us, just a few months old then. Now, he's nine and a big brother. We miss you. Easter is hardest.
I didn't want to but I handed my ring over to Kay to smooth out the groove in the band and resize it. Of course my right middle finger doesn't fit any of the sizes quite right and my right ring finger is between sizes that they had sizers for. Hoping the 5 3/4 I took a chance on comes back okay. I don't know why I hated handing that over so much. Maybe cause I just got it. But probably cause I'm afraid they'll fuck it up and I'll never wanna risk sending it to get fixed again.
Arguing and work both suck alot. But I'm really glad my boyfriend came over to hang out after I got off. I love days like that. He just makes things so much better. I keep thinking about the past year and how nothing has ever really been off between us. We had maybe two tiny bumps in the road but we just talked about it and nothing has ever gotten to the point of an argument or a fight or anyone getting really upset. Everything is so much easier with him. Its ridiculous. I'm finally used to it I think.
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