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wow. 100 words. i'm really excited to be starting this project. i wonder how long i'll be able to keep it up. i'd better reach the end of the month, and i hope i go on after that. i'm still trying to decide how i'll write. will i slow down and count every word as i'm getting to my limit, kinda like when i fill the gas tank and stop exactly at 20 bucks? or will i just write stream of consciousness and then slash words out to get back down to 100? i'll have to see how things go.
a word of advice: don't go out drinking the night before a long run. i only had two beers and didn't feel drunk, but boy, did i suffer on my run this morning. i didn't start till almost 9 (instead of 7) and i had to go to the bathroom TWICE! but i still made fairly decent time, which i suppose is a good thing. i will never ever be a fast runner. i keep telling myself i run a 12 minute mile, but it's closer to 12.5. at least i'm getting it done. better slow than not at all.
we argued on our way home from the baby shower. we knew nobody except the guests of honor. i'm an extrovert, and he's not, and i tend to forget that. i made meaningless small talk while he sat against the wall. he called the other guests selfish because they didn't bother to include him, yet he felt it rude to "insinuate" himself in their conversations (his word, not mine). he did watch some football with the other guys downstairs, but then if all they're doing is watching football and not the present unwrapping, why bring them in the first place?
i don't want to run today. it's chilly and i figure if i waste enough time here i won't have time to run before i have to leave for work. i keep thinking this running thing will get easier but it doesn't. i want my money back! i really need to prepare for 18 miles on saturday but damn, i just don't want to. writing 100 words isn't going to waste enough time this morning, i know that already. i'll run at lunchtime. yea, that's what i'll do. or i'll tell myself that for now to shut up the guilt.
i hate having my period. it feels like someone has their hand on my uterus and is twisting it like you wring out a towel. they say exercise helps but that has to be bullshit, because i'm exercising more now than i ever did before, and it's worse. on the other hand, the tampon dispenser here at work is the greatest. you put your quarter in, and out comes a tampon and your quarter back. no quarter, no tampon, but if you have a quarter, you get all the free tampons you want. for the record, i did run yesterday.
i took my visiting friend to the national cathedral and mount vernon. she was impressed but i have seen both several times before. i do love the cathedral (the stained glass and stone amaze me), but mount vernon leaves me somewhat jaded. it irks me to see george washington praised as "the father of freedom" when he owned slaves himself. even the fact that he freed them in his will was hollow, as many of them were married to or children of martha's slaves (separate to his) and couldn't just leave their families. strikes me as being hypocritical at best.
i absolutely hate this fucking office renovation project. it is a huge, huge pain in the arse. i hate cleaning, i hate packing, i hate that it's thursday evening and i am nowhere near to being able to leave the office. i hate that my boss hasn't even thought about what he wants to store, what he wants to keep and what he wants to throw away. i am so incredibly bitter, angry, frustrated, annoyed and otherwise pissed off. i've wasted 10 points on chocolate this afternoon, eating out of sheer frustration. i hate it when i do that too.
my burp at 5 o'clock this morning tasted exactly like last night's dinner and was a harbinger of a bad food hangover. one day i will learn that i just can't eat like i used to. lettuce wraps, lemon chicken and banana spring rolls were enough for all three of us, but i ate it all myself. this morning i ate a health square so my cereal is now my mid morning snack. i HAVE to get back on track. one day at a time, one meal at a time, one minute at a time if that's what it takes.
oh hell. i can't remember what day i last wrote. i think it was friday, but now i'm not sure. so this is one of my "i've been mulling it over in my mind so i'll write about it now" kind of entries until i figure out what day it is. so i'm wondering to myself: am i writing for me, or for my potential audience? is anyone reading this? i know that for the most part i just write whatever comes to mind, but i am nevertheless careful not to use names, to protect the "innocent" so to speak.
ran eighteen miles on saturday. it felt much better than the sixteen i ran two weeks ago. i made a yogurt smoothie which i drank before i started and at the end of the first two laps. overall i felt pretty good. the legs are still getting very tight and almost cramping, especially later on. the kiwi fruits we bought this week weren't ripe, or i would've eaten some of them between loops. instead i drank more gatorade than i cared to. at the end my legs were actually trembling and i was close to tears for no reason. weird.
late night last night. we went to the redskins game against the ravens. i'm not even that much of a professional football fan. give me "soccer" or a highschool football game anyday. we left the house at 3 for an 8:30 kickoff. we rode with friends and tailgated before the game. i watched the real fans and frankly thought they were fairly stupid. it was cold and i didn't dress warmly enough, so i spent most of the game shivering and slightly miserable. in the end the redskins lost. we were just glad that the game finished earlier than normal.
i had an asthma attack last night. the last time i remember having one was in st. george's swimming pool when i was eight or nine years old. i was terrified then. not so much this time. it was a little scary not being able to take a full breath, but i just tried to sit it out and breathe slowly. vicks on the chest seemed to help immensely. i am definitely allergic to something in the house. i fall asleep and wake up with blocked sinuses and a runny nose. i guess it's time for a thorough house cleaning.
everything went remarkably well getting to the airport today. i sent an "i love you" text message to my love right before the plane took off. i will miss him tons when i have the time to think about it! he has been my rock these past few weeks. life has been so hectic and crazy and stressful, yet no matter how frantic things are, he grounds me instantly; no matter how upset i get, he can lift my mood with a word or a smile or a touch. what would i do without him? that thought terrifies me sometimes.
my very first impression of schiphol airport was that it was smoky. they allow smoking in designated areas but the whole airport still stinks. after a while, add to that the smell of unwashed bodies. days old sweat has an odor all its own. how do i say in a value free way that the europeans don't have the same standards of personal hygiene that americans do? but the shopping in schiphol was great. i already can't wait for the return leg. i am going to buy real cheese and take it home and enjoy every last fat laden bite.
i ran eight very hilly miles today. they say that hills are speedwork in disguise. if that's the case, i just ran faster than i ever have before! bianca led me to the start of the path, riding alongside on her little push scooter, then left me to tackle the real hills alone. i passed many people walking, and even a woman on horseback, but only one other runner. it killed me to get to the top of the biggest hill, but once there i had a spectacular view of the lake. the last few miles were flat and easy.
there is nothing more frustrating than sitting around waiting for something to do. there is only so much time you can spend surfing the net, wandering around, trying to look busy, and so on. i never know why they bring me here so early when i spend the first three days doing nothing. ok, at least i'm over my jet lag by the time the tournament gets under way, but i HATE doing nothing, especially when i'm there to work. they've told me tomorrow should be better and busier. i hope so because otherwise i think i might go crazy.
one of the women who flew in to work at the tournament found out that her boyfriend had drowned. i have always heard the expression "grey in the face" but never before really believed it. i don't think i'll ever forget how she looked. she was leaning against the wall, completely destroyed, her friends and colleagues gathering around her, offering support but knowing they could do nothing. i had to call home to tell him i loved him. life is too short and far too precious to waste time doing otherwise. we never know which goodbye could be the last.
it's only monday and already i am exhausted. i got to bed by 11 last night but skipped my workout this morning, deciding an hour of sleep was more important. my feet were still hurting this morning. i can't believe how incredibly painful those shoes were yesterday. i'm worried because i will definitely have to wear them again this week. of course the fact that i was on my feet for 10 hours or so probably didn't help. i wish i had counted how many times i went up and down the four flights of stairs. no wonder i'm tired.
how good it is to have men fighting over you, even if the two men in question are your two bosses. it was such a hilarious evening, with phil giving his top ten list of why a blackberry is better than an assistant: "it doesn't talk back to you; it only costs fifty dollars per month; it's available twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, fifty two weeks a year; you can carry it in your jacket pocket; you can tap on it under the table at dinnertime..." WHAT!?! i was laughing so hard i almost couldn't breathe.
a person who thinks he is Very Important invited himself to our "Invited Guests Only" VIP restaurant for dinner. he introduced himself by saying "don't you know who i am?" then demanded a seat at a table. the head caterer explained the procedure and the price (for a fixed menu) and this person elected to stay and eat. after the meal, upon presentation of the bill, he refused to pay and stormed out of the restaurant, swearing like a sailor. when questioned, he lied to us about what happened. later he asked to be driven to a whorehouse. love it.
i woke early this morning to the sound of thunder. when i heard it again, in my state of semi consciousness i thought it was the airplanes (we are, after all, only five minutes from the airport and every day i have heard the first plane take off). then i heard it again and saw the lightning. too bad. i wanted to have a long run today. i'll be lucky to get my long run in while i'm here. it's proving to be harder than i thought. but i must admit i was glad for the extra hours of sleep.
a chilly, foggy morning. the grass is still wet with dew. overhead the sky is blue, but the mist makes everything hazy and grey. i keep wiping my eyes thinking that's the problem. i stop and ask directions from three elderly people walking their elderly dogs. i follow their directions imperfectly and end up slightly lost. in the fog it seems worse and i fight the panic. i see another runner and ask for directions. she's deaf, but she shows me the way and runs alongside me. i feel a need to make conversation even though it's impossible. very surreal.
well, i finally did my long run. my initial plan was to get up before the sun, have some breakfast, wait until sunrise and then run. well as always, the extra hour of sleep was more important, so i didn't bother to eat beforehand. that wasn't a problem, i just ate a banana before leaving. i got some gatorade from the trainers here which also helped. i ran for almost exactly three hours, but don't think i managed quite 15 miles. the trail was quite hilly, not a bad thing. but i think i've pulled a muscle in my thigh.
a long day is over. a long week is done. the tournament is drawing to a close and i for one am relieved. it has been a very good 11 days or so, and i think that we all worked incredibly well together, but i'm ready to pack up and go home. i'm ready for a regular work schedule, home cooked meals and my own bed. i'm ready to get eight hours of sleep per night again! i'm very pleased about who won; i hope it continues. only 12 hours to go until i leave for the airport. can't wait!!!
i'm home. but i'm sick. somewhere between zurich and here i've managed to catch another cold. i looked and felt disgusting when i got up this morning. why didn't i wash my hair?? it might have helped my appearance. i met bar briefly in amsterdam airport. she looked great and i felt even more disgusting. i think i sneezed thirty times on the flight home from amsterdam. my eyes are streaming, my nose is stuffy and running at the same time, and my sinuses feel like someone punched me. this is my reward for 12 straight 15 hour days. thanks!
got to work late to find a message from my boss saying i could stay home if i didn't feel up to coming in! i left him a message back saying i'd probably leave at 3, setting the stage to leave early for the hockey match. i stopped to buy french bread, only to discover i didn't have my wallet. had to raid the coin jar and pay for a baguette with dimes and pennies. left stew in the crockpot for our guests and watched the girls beat woodbridge 4 to zip. hope they can replicate that in the final!
my boss sent me home from work today. i wasn't feeling that great but not too awful. i think i sounded worse than i felt. and i'm pretty sure that he was just afraid of getting my germs. but whatever. it has been very nice to have a relaxing day off. i have eaten way too much junk food though. not exactly good for a speedy recovery. i had an afternoon nap and when i woke up i felt like someone had injected lead into my veins while i was asleep. it took me some time to feel awake again.
dentist visit this morning. i was sweating. i hate going to the dentist. it is one thing in life i truly fear. but they were great. the assistant took x-rays (eighteen of 'em!!) and was very chatty, putting me right at ease. the dentist was very sweet and it turns out his first ever marathon was richmond too. he stuck a little camera in my mouth and showed me my teeth on the video screen. too much information thanks! the hygenist scraped the shit outta my teeth. literally and figuratively. my mouth still hurts. or maybe it's my sore throat.
the girls lost last night. i didn't get to watch much of the match as they were short handed at the concession stand and i hadn't helped out all year. i felt like i was betraying the team though, and the superstitious part of me says it's my fault we lost. they were simply outplayed though. and it was a good, tight match from all accounts. an irate father whose daughter didn't play decided to scream at my love. good thing i didn't see it. of course he handled it calmly as he always does. what a star he is.
i was pulled over today. i was going 5 over, along with everyone else. i was in the right lane, the cop in the far left. he pulled abreast, then ahead, then dropped behind me. i took my exit then suddenly he crossed three lanes and exited too. he came up alongside me again, then dropped behind, and turned on his lights. i suddenly remembered i had a brake light out. shit! i got my paperwork ready and felt my heart pounding. he took ages in his car, then came up to my car and said "sorry ma'am, wrong vehicle."
trick or treat! i don't know why, but i was suddenly gripped with a desire to participate in halloween this year. i lit candles in the various "boo" motif candleholders that mom has sent me over the years and put them in the windows. i even demanded a trip to the store to buy several bags of candy. then nobody showed up for ages until i actually went and sat outside. good thing it was unseasonably warm. the teenagers (not even dressed up) tried to get me to come to the garden fence and hand them the candy. forget that!
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