12/01 Direct Link
I've been anti-television ever since year-10 but now I seem to find myself rushing my work so I can watch Gulaal on Star Plus Mon-Thu 9pm. I postponed bedtime by 30 minutes, so what? I love the story. It's about a young and lively girl from village Rashipur with unique ability to find water in dry lands of desert. Talsagra (a neighbouring village) has been facing long drought. Vasant (a young guy from Talsagra) comes to know of Gulaal's gift and is determined to find her and end the woes of his village for once and all.
12/02 Direct Link
Quite often (more often nowadays than before) I find myself trying to convince my conscience to be more courageous which recently made me recall a memory from childhood...

I was barely 5; used to hear about ancestors' bravery and warrior skills. Being in a Kshatriya family, you do. I decided to display my bravery. Took long strides towards the study... found the stapler... stapled my index finger. It hurt. Blood dripping... I squint. Regain my posture; back straight. Then.. off to the living room, show it off to family and relatives. Pull the stapler out. Look smug.
12/03 Direct Link
Walking, just walking along
Like this I met someone
Walking on the road
Stopped, my nights have stayed there, fading
What I wasn't able to say
This, the world is saying
That a story has been made
Of my words, flowing
Like this I met someone
Walking on the road
Finally, all this waiting
Will sometime be successful 
This lamp is being extinguished 
Burning with me
This lamp is being extinguished
Like this I had met someone
Walking on the road, so aimlessly
So stupidly I left without a map
Nor a destination to reach
Not even a drop of hope left within the lamp
This, the world is saying
That such a story has been ended.
12/04 Direct Link
Adventure. Adrenaline. Also, always avoid alliteration. But that's off the topic. I love the feeling of danger. Of course as long as I'm assured about my safety. Ninjas; I love the idea of sneaking around at night in ancient Japan. That addiction comes from reading T'ales of the Otori'. Pirates! Just imagine the thrills from sword fighting skeletons on Isla De Meurta or having a human squid as an arch enemy... Ok, maybe not the human squid. Quests seem practical though... (adrenaline has a part to play in this). I have made plans for two quests... They're now in My Documents.
12/05 Direct Link
Somehow it's comforting to know that you're not the only one who's feeling down. All this infinite amount of work is depressing, I'm not going to lie. But earlier I was talking to *mystery person* and he/she said he/she felt the same. It was a strange feeling of relief. I felt reassured that I wasn't going mad. A-Levels generally do this to people. I was also convinced that this feeling will go away in time. Time is a great healer, it heals all wounds. But the scars can only be healed by the ones who caused them.
12/06 Direct Link
You know what, things don't change. We do. Sometimes it's for the better but most of the time, I hate it. Either my memories are lying to me or they have changed. But I like to think I'm a reasonable sane person without any memory issues. Therefore, they have changed. 10 years is a long time and a lot changes. Back then we were quite stupid but innocent. Back then we were kids. He's not what I remember, she's not what I remember. In fact, none of them are what I remember. I hope I have changed for the better.
12/07 Direct Link
- You know what I hate the most?

- What?

- When someone else takes credit for what you've done.

- I couldn't possible agree more.

- Really? 

- Of course. It's the worst feeling. I'm not sure if I'd punch that person or just shout across the room and claim what's rightfully mine.

- But that just makes us sound desperate.

- I know. But I wouldn't go for violence either. So I sit there quietly with my blood boiling.

- Are you me? Or am I you?

- You know what? I've never met a person who has this 'credit theory' in common with me...except you.
12/08 Direct Link
"I'm in love with a fairy tale
even though it hurts,
Coz I don't care if I lose my mind
I'm already curse -"

*fist thumps on the radio*

- What did you do that for?
- I'd rather not be reminded about my misfortune at every possibly opportunity.
- Oh for God's sake, you're not cursed!
- I have proven it.
- That's not called 'being cursed'. It's 'being consistently unlucky'.
- But every time...
- Just shut up! You're so depressing.
- You don't have to spend time with me if you find me so depressing.
- But... you're not cursed.
- Ho do YOU know?
- I love you.
12/09 Direct Link
All eyes facing this way. Hopefully they'll concentrate on powerpoint rather than my speech. Breathe. It will be over in 10 minutes. They're just humans like you and me. Start speaking. Uh oh. Forgotten what I had planned to say. Never mind, scan the notes quickly. Can't read it! Make something up from memory. Damn, I've got it wrong haven't I? Why are they squinting? Have they spotted my mistakes? Continue speaking! Iris expands. Heart starts pumping adrenaline. Voice is shaking. Stuttering. Confusion between careers and carriers. Temptation to facepalm. Nevermind. It's finished. If any questions are asked I'm going to pass out.
12/10 Direct Link
It's nice (yes, I've used that word yet again) to know that your friends only live about a 100 metres away. A quick jog to their house only takes half a minute yet I never get round to seeing them frequently out of school. Late night shopping tonight... I was running late, as always. Many thoughts occurred to me on the way. Not sure if I want to share them here but hey ho! Perhaps if nobody knew I write here, I might have. 
Today's highlight? 
I'm a teapot, short and stout
This is my handle, this is my spout.
12/11 Direct Link
Trust. Funny thing that. Once broken, it can never be mended. There's always doubt. But once strong, it cannot be broken easily. Somehow I find it difficult to trust people who don't talk much. It's weird. Strangely enough, I think the chatterboxes are more trustworthy than the quiet ones. If you're reading this and have just realised that I do (or don't) trust you, I'm sorry either way. Sometimes some people don't realise I trust them, but secretly I know they'll never "pass on" any "information" I give them. And they don't. Several times I've trusted quiet ones and regretted.
12/12 Direct Link
- You're mad!
- No, you're mad.
- You're insane!
- No you're insane.
- How can you be so calm when there is so much chaos around you?!
- I just haven't understood the seriousness of the situation yet.
- Well, hurry up then!
- No. You calm down.
- Why are you arguing with me??!?!??!!!
- I'm not. You are.
- You just proved my point!
- Intentionally. And you proved mine, unintentionally.
- I am beginning to dislike you!
- I still like you. I just can't put up with your hyperactivity and the fact that you end every sentence with an exclamation mark or a question mark or both combined.
12/13 Direct Link
Tears of joy never left my eyes before. They did today. For the first time I realised the feeling of wanting to cry of happiness. This world is truly a beautiful place where there beautiful hearts within living creatures still exist. Love still exists. Pure. White. Honest. Faithful. It marvelled me... the way he carried his wife's photograph everywhere. Even while eating at the table, from time to time he would look at the picture and smile. Even when he was dancing with a 6th form partner, he carried the frame in one hand. We asked him about...
12/14 Direct Link
...the photo even though we were aware of it.
- Who is that person in the photo?
- *faint smile* That's my wife.
- She is so beautiful!
- She's always been.
It wasn't hard to sense the subtle sorrow in his voice. He must've been in his 80s? In the photo, the wife seemed to be in her 70s. I genuinely wanted to cry but I knew if I did that, I would be kicked out of the OAP party. My friend gave me a tissue though, so it was alright...for now. We also saw THE Old man. It was...
12/15 Direct Link of many highlights of the evening. The enthusiasm in his voice was overflowing when we reminded him about *memory*! Oh boy, was he glad to see us. His wife was there too; he introduced us to her. She was very grateful. Then there was dance. Fantastic! You would think that because of their age they wouldn't make good dancers. You would be wrong. We danced with many... kept rotating, switching partners. He was an OAP; such a gentleman, such a graceful dance. I bet his wife couldn't have wished for a better partner to dance with. Salsa? Tango? Nope, Bhangra!
12/16 Direct Link
Did you know that 58% of (South-Asia) Indians verbally abuse people to display their affection? No? Neither did I. But I am one of them, except I don't use very harsh words. I usually bully my friends and they're used to it now. I get abuses back, but I couldn't care less because they have adapted to my ways. But those who do mean it, I couldn't care less about. Let me name a few victims of my bullying: Edwin is on top of the list, then Anna Munchy-kin, Emily Stoney, Sergeant Noakes, Egg and Dude.
12/17 Direct Link
- Good e'en!
- E'en?
- May I so humbly request my lady to dance with me at this carouse?
- It would be an honour to dance with a noble knight such as thee, but...
- I prithee!
- I am not worthy of...
- It is not a pleasant sight to see a wench like you seated here so lonely whilst the dance is commencing.
- Yonder are the most wondrous nonpareils.
- None as wondrous as you. Thine eyes are cutpurses; they have my heart.
- Grammercy, Sir Lancelot! It is a sin to forswear. Art thou tosspot?
- You are verily loved, my lady.
12/18 Direct Link
-What what?
-What the hell was that about?
-What was what about?
- Your entry for the 17th.
- Oh yeah...that...
-So, what's going on there?
-I was hoping no one would ask me about it.
-Wherefore? I mean... why?
-It's a compliment! Your entries are highly contagious.
-I beg your pardon? Why use the word 'contagious' for a compliment?
-Enow! Just tell me the underlying story behind that entry.
-Nay. Ne'r!
-I prithee!
-I would, if I could.
-Why couldn't you?
-Because, I've been having difficulty choosing words. It's a new disease. I have lost my ability to explain.
12/19 Direct Link
Red stains on the snow is all I can see. This breathing hurts. The wounds from the bullets seem to have frozen.I cannot feel the coldness of the snow against my cheek; is my face paralysed? I see you lying there... I want to wake you up. It's not over yet! It can't be. Unable to move any other limbs, I extend my arm to reach yours. A foot stamps between our hands. Who is it? I try to look up, squinting. My eyelids feel very heavy. Struggling to stay awake. Another gunshot. One last breath. See you later.
12/20 Direct Link
What are you going to do now? There's no way out. Didn't think this through, did you? It's not the first time you've done this. Why do you never learn from mistakes? Oh wait, they weren't mistakes; you somehow managed to live up to their expectations. So who's going to help you this time, huh? Seriously kid, it's about time you stop digging. Why did you raise his hopes? Only to crash them afterwards. What if he can't take it anymore? Guilt will ensure your slow and painful death. Is a lie greater than truth if it saves lives? Probably.
12/21 Direct Link

Surely that's what a roller-coaster ride sounds like. But, I feel like that without any roller-coaster experiences at the moment. Why? I don't know. I'll have to find out first. The world can only know when the time is ripe.

Oooooohhhhh, I'm finding it hard to contain that spark of excitement which may trigger a fire soon. Unfortunately my brain has run out of fire-extinguishing stimuli; it gets used up easily because I frequently become over-excited over small matters. 

I need to cut down on my food intake - need to make space for those butterflies.
12/22 Direct Link
I knew it! My stapler is in love with my coffee mug. I bribed my watch with an extra cell; he kept an eye on them in my absence. He said that as soon as I left the room, the stapler, sneakily crawled towards the coffee mug and proposed to her with a bunch of staples! Watch proceeded to tell me that the hole-punch got mad and punched the stapler. I heard them and came in to find small circles of paper and lots of staple pins everywhere. Things did get worse - there was coffeeshed everywhere. 

12/23 Direct Link
Kaise bataye kyun tujhko chahe
yaara bata na paye
Baatein dillo ki dekho jo baaki
aankhen tujhe samajaye
Tu jaane na
Tu jaane na

If only eyes could speak, there would be no need for courage. If you're angry at someone, just stare at them and as soon as they look into your eyes, they'll get the message. If you're sorry, just stare at them and they'll understand. If you're sad, your eyes flood. If you're happy, your eyes flood. Our eyes are the windows to our soul and quite possibly the key to our heart. Turns out that eyes could really speak after all, kiddo.
12/24 Direct Link
I usually look forward to holidays in order to de-stress myself, relax and spend some time on my hobbies. However, that never happens.

I usually end up doing nothing. Literally. I can never sleep past 9, then have shower, breakfast. Not being occupied always makes me drift off to the memories I still carry from back home. A longing to listen to traditional folk songs from my province develops. I listen. Flicking through albums and watching videos of your loved ones thousands of miles away doesn't help. But it's strangely comforting.

P.s. Telling me I am SAD doesn't help either. 
12/25 Direct Link
Christmas is here. Presents time! That's what Christmas is about nowadays, isn't it? The religious values have been long forgotten. "But you don't celebrate Christmas, you're a Hindu." Well, we do. Haven't you seen that picture of Jesus and Krishna together? If the maker doesn't discriminate who on earth are YOU to raise such questions? Humans.

What did I receive this year? Music. Lots of it. Two CDs each from mum, dad and brother. Relaxation, meditation music, etc. Maybe I should take a hint and learn to keep calm. I guess I'm not the only one who's noticed my bad temper since September.
12/26 Direct Link
I REALLY need to get some work done,
yet I procrastinate.
Why? Who knows.
Lack of motivation? Maybe.
Spend your time daydreaming? Definitely, unfortunately.
Take a deep breath and get to work!
If dreaming helped,
 the whole world would do it.
But the world does dream - It keeps us going.
Memories of good times often become thorns in your path towards success.
Maybe. But it's also what keeps me alive.
Don't dream. It often has severe consequences.
But I'm used to it.
You know every time you dream, it shatters.
I know.
You know too much.
12/27 Direct Link
What actually determines your social status in your life between high-school and university?

Is it:
- the number of times you get wasted at parties?
- how revealing your clothes are?
- how much you rebel and break rules?
- how filthy your language is?
- the number of guys/girls you've dated?
- the grades you've achieved in exams?
- dependent on the kind of company you have?
- how much you can afford to spend on a shopping spree?
- how many cigarettes a day you smoke?
- your addictiveness to drugs?
- how much your teachers love you?
- how often you travel abroad for holidays?
12/28 Direct Link

"Approximately 12% of all Maths taught in school is useful; this includes such typical everyday occurances as calculating tangent of a triangle, factorising in one's day to day life, the use of inequalities, irrational numbers, surds, standard form, simultaneous/quadratic equations, and calculating mean average population of the known universe. These formula help to bring us closer to our abstractions and therefore away from the real world into that of the imaginary. Apart from helping enormously with life this sort of maths taught in school is interesting and useful for all career paths involving the teaching of maths to others."

Oh dear...
12/29 Direct Link
Slowly, I blink open my eyes only to read the time. It's 9 am. There's still a cup-full of drowsiness in my head and my eyelids feel heavy, as if someone's placed a heap of duvets on them. Last time I checked the time it was 4:30 am. I went to bed at 11pm. It's holidays; all's forgiven. I kept my eyes closed, tossed and turned. Sighed. Looked at the time. Tried to sleep again... for hours. What should I interpret of this message: 'Remember, sleepless nights only mean that you are awake in someone else's dream.'? Meh.
12/30 Direct Link
As the year comes to and end, I have realised two great things about myself that I find quite significant:
- I hate parsnips.
- Playing Dynasty Warriors on the Playstation is quite therapeutic.

Thank you to my brother for making me realise both these things. When we went grocery shopping, he insisted on buying parsnips. I've never had parsnips before, and I thought I like all vegetables. 
A couple of days ago, I was stressing over maths; he insisted I play 'Dynasty Warriors' with him as a two player game. 

I think I will use the Playstation more than my music presents.
12/31 Direct Link
This is sad, I don't want to say goodbye yet I must. It is a necessity. So (even though I didn't want to write an entry about the year's end) I should dedicate this entry to say farewell to many things that have accompanied me this year.

-December 2010
-Worries (hopefully)
-Unwanted memories
-My old calculator
-My shoe shaped pencil case
-My favourite pen that's run out of ink
-A box of chocolates
-Junk food (yuk!)
-Parsnips (hopefully)
-A broken ruler that had been fixed twice but now has no hope

Last but not the least, farewell 100words.