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BY Gemini

06/01 Direct Link
I have always fancied being a pirate. I think I would be quite good at it. The sea I like.
I enjoyed sword fighting when I did it. There was something thrilling about it.
Scurvy isn't quite as appealing.
I think I have the twisted sense of humor that goes well with it.
The laughing aorund alot and being with friends for a long time is also quite appealing.
I do also like shiny things, pretty things that I can wear and show off.
Yes a pirates life would be good.
I do also quite enjoy running away. Ahoy hoy!
06/02 Direct Link
I did a treasure hunt today. It was great. And we won.
I ran around like a complete idoit with red cheeks and a lack of dignity.
Picking up pieces of paper which don't really mean anything but taking it very seirously.
I only got a tiny amount of chocolate for what it is worth.
But I did work hard for it.
The best thing was knwoing there wouldn't be smug expressions
No sexist jokes about map reading. It was one of the best treasure hunts I had been on.
Not as good as easter.
That has far more chocolate around.
06/03 Direct Link
Yes
I punched you.
You had it coming. Everyone is angry at me but I can't really be blamed.
You automatically jump to her defense when you only know her side of the story. maybe I shoudl of punched harder. Not that I needed to.
She soon shut up.
There is something about mimicing that really ets me. Makes my blood boil. When I ignore you it makes it worse.
The only way to make you stop is to stop you.
So I punched you, using the only simple language you used.
Hopefully next time you will leave me be. Sorry.
06/04 Direct Link
Time really does drag on sometimes. I can't think what else I would be doing but I wouldn't be making money.
I suppose it's important I am cleaning dishes but I can't help but wait.
Thinking back I couldn't wait to get out. I was enjoying it but wanted to be doing other things.
Crazy as that sounds.
I knew it would be over at some point.
Because time doesn't just stop.
These moments where as quick as any other.
I just wasn't spending them how I wanted to.
But it was going to be ok.
Later I would go.
06/05 Direct Link
I really must have a slight touch of OCD. I get really stressed and paniced. Maybe it is just hormones. But I really do get paniced.
Today it was just the fact that some massive matress had been thrown in my room because
'I won't mind'
But I do mind. I can't keep my room in the order it is normally in. Though its not suepr clean it is in an order I can keep and where I know where things are.
The fact that I have to tip toe round my own room means I hate going upstairs for now.
06/06 Direct Link
I have only really just remembered that radio waves are all aroudn us. As we walk around places they are wizzing over our heads all the time. Peoples voies are turned into radio waves which we can't detect.
Funny how I always forget that. Just because I can't see or hear them doesn't mean they aren't constantly around me.
If you sue the right equipment you can finally make sense of them.
Radio itself is pretty impressive.
The fact that there are radio waves flying over my head now but I don't know what the heck they are talking about.
06/07 Direct Link
There's an illness in Humainty.
It pass as a virus that corrupts the mind and damages the heart.
Focassing is impossible and a person wastes away till they have to rely on others to support them. Foolish illogic.
It spreads in smiles. words and small touches.
Once infected it is difficult to cure. Treatments include death and tears.
Though they don't work.
There isnn't really a cure.
People can live full lives once infected but have to be with the person with the same strain of the illness. Happiness is impossible otherwise.
People infected cause damage, pain and heart ache.
06/08 Direct Link
I hate swimming in the sea. Many see it is  great adventure. But I do not. I wouldn't want to place my body somewhere I think will hurt me. I am not a coward. Not really. I just have a fear of the unknown. Which is abit of a normal response. Well logical in any case. So for me the idea of other creatures and weeds to grab my legs and slime up everything. The sea is the perfect example of the unkown. For some this is thrilling. But I am fine taking a paddle in a pool. 
06/09 Direct Link
I got a bit behind this month. Which is ironic because This month I had pretty much the whole time off. I had nothing to do yet I seem to busier than I normally am.
Without a little plan I sort of fill time quickly and forget to stick to routine such as writing about my day. Thankfully for you.
I don't really know who i'm am speaking to. This is abit like preying. Because I have the feeling someone is listening. Even if it is only me.
Well at least I understand me.
Some one has to I suppose.
06/10 Direct Link
Strange hanging out with people I don't normally.
I mean I do like them alot. But I don't think I have ever spent individual time with them. I know Im nott he rpefered choice to be with for them. I have my own special friends. That sounds wierd.
So It is wierd. in a sort of normal way.
I enjoy being enclosed in a spritual circle.
Relaxing somehow, you can tell people messages without feeling akward because it is all part of the being part of one. sounding odd again.
It was an odd day. best way to describe it.
06/11 Direct Link
Well this is a wierd one. I am standing in a field. watching everything. I wonder if I do notice things that others don't .
Maybe, I see the fakery and the coldness but with the need to be warm,
I see possiblities and ruined chances.
But I am happy here. I am liked and I like.
Even if people I truely love aren't here.
I am still content.
I enjoy being with new people. I feel like I can calm and settle. Fly a bit.
I relax into the atmospere and time just seems to slip by.
Proving anything.
06/12 Direct Link
What is this? moments which I never thought would happen.
You are confusing me. I want to say no, but here I am reaching for you. I know you will snatch away.
I don't want this. Well I do, But i'm going to tell myself i don't.
Because a few weeks earlier I was in a cold bath.
I was screaming and crazed.
I began to give up. So slowly. But you are here.
I don't know what you want.
But you ahave changed
Again
I will just go with the flow. Those painful butterflies are back, stupid internal insects. Go away.
06/13 Direct Link
For goodness sake. Face the truth. You are sad and alone and it is so frustrating! why can't you see what you are doing to yourself, so quick to expect to be judge you presume everyone else is like you.
But they aren't, never mind second chances you won't even give anyone a chance. Remember you hated me.
hated me and tried to make my life hell, But I just smiled at you and felt sorry for you because you wanted to prove you weren't what you were becoming.
I cried for you once, but your heart wouldn't recongise emotion.
06/14 Direct Link
I don't think I really have a problem with herbal remedies. Many people take a very negative view on them. For once I'm not jumping on the rant train and taking a stand. Asprin has done it's job hasn't it? I don't see anyone going
"Oh willow what a pointless tree!"
Herbal remedies can be for the mind. Many have the power to cure themselves and if they believe they are getting better. Placebo. Not that I think I spelt it right.
Maybe there should be a cure for bad spelling. Gawd knows I could really do with it now.
06/15 Direct Link
I screaming in my mind to turn around. But I can't stop Im running ahead of myself. Im with him and things go like I imagained they would. You are there kissing me and I hold you and I don't want to let go.
I want to be stronger, I want to pretend that I don't care this deeply.
But as I walk away you kissed my forehead,
Tell me you will email.
But you haven't I am still waiting.
Please, please talk to me. How can you be so you all the time!
Please please come back to me.
06/16 Direct Link
I am very aware that I share a lot of my life on here. Most of the stuff I don't think anyone I actually know would understand or see how it is me typing. I am no where near sarcastic enough on here.
I treat this as a sort of release.
Talking to yourself is classed as weird. But this will do I suppose.
I doubt people really care. but it is good for me to express it somehow. Hopefully it is hidden enough for people it is about never to find it it. Even those that care don't look.
06/17 Direct Link
I Hate you so much, I sit here wanting you to reply. I feel used and so vunerable. I have nothing to do today but sit in my PJ's waiting.
I hate this game.
This little game of yours.
The one where you make the rules and I just obey.
But you can bend them, change them and you don't even know you are playing.
You selfish, lazy arrogant prick.
Why is it you do this to me?
But I feel slightly like you care.
Maybe a fraction.
The small kiss of the forehead.
You care. A tiny little bit.
06/18 Direct Link
A pool of water. A simple concept. Fun is added and lots of screaming and some how I get scratched in the face and find it hilarious.
Strange how laughter is infectious.
I laugh so hard and I haven't a clue why.
I love laughing.
It doesn't even have to be funny.
I always laugh when other people laugh. Well as a general rule.
It feels rude not to join in.
Unless they are laughing at me. The I will laugher loud and clearer.
better to join than look like a sad loser.
If your not laughing now. start now.
06/19 Direct Link
You have been busy. Busy with stuff.
Stuff,
Well I have busy with stuff as well.
Ha! what am I saying. I have done so many things and yet I haven't been busy.
My mind wnadered and no matter what I'm doing every second thought is a repeat of the one before.
I feel I need some sort of power.Struggle forward and try and claim what I Can.
You can be my vunerabilty. My little small spot that stays hidden and I will not let you destroy me.
A tiny part of me, safe from pain. Or not.
06/20 Direct Link
Everyday I fight for all my future somethings
A thousand little wars I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime earning things I don't need
That's like chasing rainbows and coming home empty
And if you strip me, strip it all away
If you strip me, what would you find
If you strip me, strip it all away
I'll be alright
Take what you want steal my pride
Build me up or cut me down to size
Shut me out but I'll just scream
I'm only one voice in a million
But you ain't taking that from me .


06/21 Direct Link
I think I should wear ribbon in my hair in my hair more often. Not hippy style just little bits of it. It holds my hair up better and is far more expressive. Everyone wears those little annoying clips which are scattered all over the floor. Not that I pick them up. Often.
But a little bit of ribbon holds back the masses of ever changing coloured mass. It a kind of cute kind of way. Hopefully it will not make me look like I'm 13 but hey. Anything is better than those annoying little black clips.
I like silk.
06/22 Direct Link
I am going to have to break away. All the chords everything. I can't do this any longer. I don't have to be vunerable. I have fourced myself down into this tiny space giving away the power. But It doesn't have to be like that. I can let go.
Delete.
Remove everything. Because whenever I hear something or see something it kicks back in. Bloody hell.
So if I am ignorant then it can't get me. This is the conclusion I have come to.
Super as it does sound. Avoid like the plague.
Because I don't want to do this.
06/23 Direct Link
FREEDOM. All that build up for that final exam. Time is up now and things have been decided. There is nothing I can do really. Except to forget about them for a while. I don't even want my results really. I would quiet happily not see them. Continue to pretend they didn't happen. Sadly things that you try desperatly to forget which require courage just have a habitat of trying to draw your attention. How can I forget things when they do a little dance. Metaphorical of course. Well I suppose I can have fun now. What a wierd concept.
06/24 Direct Link
Well I am sure I made a complete such a noob of myself. But I had alot of funn doing do. Well I didn't make as much of an idoit as you did. I do no think that being a rapstar is your future I am afraid my dear. But I had alot of fun dressing up as an angel... well that is wha I was meant to be. Even if I looked abit like I had escaped from a mental home.
It is nice to get away from doing hnothing. Oh I do love abit of structure everyday. 
06/25 Direct Link
You started off in a wierd mood. That disapproving one where it is impossible to tell what is wrong with you. But I got you to smile didn't I. I always can make you chuckle. The food was nice too, very charming. Then you pull out a present.
A real shocker. Something I forgot I wanted. Pretty simple idea. The surprise was the best part.
So excited by shallow ideas.
I try to say thank you but I have never been very good.
So you are going to have to believe me.
I am very very very grateful to you.
06/26 Direct Link
It was far too hot. I am well aware this will be one of the most commented things today but really. Far too hot. I have never really liked the heat. I like the freedom of being able to wear what I like without being being judged for being scantly dressed. I am not bng slutty but jumpers make me feel uncomfortable. Really enclosed. But this was silly heat. Being dragged on a tour of the countryside was not the best of idea. But whatever pleases you I suppose. I seem to do so many things to make you happy.
06/27 Direct Link
I suppose the next two years are decided. I don't really want to know. Ignorance really is bliss. Your aren't in my form.
I am lucky so farpeople I like. I do somehow miss my old form. The forgotten one. But I ampleased. Lots of friendly faces. Then a rough timetable.
Things are going well sort of effortless. I feel more confident than I have for a while. Still trying to forget. Its easier when your not there. I can slowly delete.
But then you are there. Your behind me.
Your there. Oh God. Is this a fricking sign. 
06/28 Direct Link
It is going well I think. Well enough. I am enjoying all my lessons even if everyone else is being far more annoying. I am going to have to catch up on my silent judging time at somepoint. All this annoyance can't stayed bottled up for too long. If I didn't listen to much of your twiddle at least I did learn to let it all out. No innuendo intended. 
So yes. Things are goimg well. Even if my classes are not brilliant the subjects I couldnt be any happier with. Even if I am not with the normal.
06/29 Direct Link
I can't decide what to write about today. Because I met someone that I was meant to meet. Someone my sister was trying to get me to see. So I pleasent and helpful and tried to smile alot. Even if this was a little wierd. I could go on and on about hope. But I have given up on that little bugger a long time ago now really.
But if I don't focas on that then I will focas on crying. I don't want to do that. My stomuch sinking. It's best if I delete no matter what else happens.
06/30 Direct Link
It was the final day today. It was good to laugh again. I miss laughing.
Making random pig noises and pointing out words which make no sense and laughing even harder. Bouncing along to the raving tunes. I say ravingl. I haven't a clue what a raving tune is. I class it as something with repeative lyrics and a very bouncy bass. Something which is nasty to try and get meaning from but alot of fun to bob around and jump abit.
Everyone else was tapping so hey why not.
I don't like new people. Well not these ones anyway.