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I continue to be displeased with being TOLD what to do instead of having anyone just ask me my opinion, but today it worked out in my favor just fine! Overly cautious and unprepared citizens of the 970 decided to shut down all of the surrounding school systems today, due to the frigid weather (btw: the roads are utterly clear and dry and it's not THAT cold). When this occurs, we are forced to conduct school in the residences. While the girls ran all over the teachers who CHOSE to be there today, the boys were compliant all day long.
I know, I know, patience is a friggin' virtue, blahblahblah. And a 'watched pot never boils' and this damned principle also applies to cell phone conversing. Especially when one has recently decided to crush on someone who is decidedly withdrawn and may never be the one to initiate contact again! Per always, it is important to remember one's own truths and stick with what is undoubtedly known: if events are supposed to transpire, they inevitably will and there is nothing that can stop them. Fate? Destiny? Kismet? Whatever it may be, it's infuriating in the moment while exhibiting this patience...
Back to the drawing board. So much for ever hoping that ANYTHING good can come to me in the way of romance. Not only am I not impressive enough to warrant a second date, but I am also talented enough to make people return to their ex's! Wow! My first true love in the world is presumably gay, my ex-fiance wound up in a mental institution, and a guy I hang out for with a mere evening runs back to his ex within a few days of seeing me. I've so had it; this is unfun to the nth.
Whew--finally Friday! This has been a week and a half. The disappointing surprise from last night is still lingering of the periphery of my day, but on the whole, I'm not terribly shocked or dismayed. This should be a good weekend: dinner with Casey this evening, fashion show and meeting with Jer tonight, rendezvous with John for debaucherous antics out of town tomorrow night, relax and watch lots of movies on Sunday instead of adventuring, as I usually would. I've had so many adventures lately, I'm still craving the small solace of my own house, room, and my bed.
I rediscovered trance today, tried to make tea and associate with the roomie, who is still keeping much from me at all times, but mostly I just want to ball up, selfishly and solitary, and have a good cry. Overindulging in the drink does this to me most times (and especially sometimes) but I am just so very let down. I have given myself 'til the end of this weekend to wallow until I must get on with it, so today and tomorrow will have to suffice for sadness. I don't even want back what I used to have anymore.
It's pretty bad when I turn so desperately inward that I get annoyed when people message me on Facebook and I feel as if it's just utterly bothersome. Does everyone get this way? Especially after weeks of surrounding one's self with others, and being hugely let down and deceived. When those who are supposed to be the closest pieces in your life refuse complete disclosure and when guards are let down ever so slightly to reveal desires, it becomes veritably impossible to truly trust and believe that others are good. Or that you are anything but temporary amusement for others.
We had a very successful meeting this afternoon in regards to the upcoming music/fashion/benefit we are producing. Fortunately, Jer and I are very much on the same page with what we want, on the whole. And because of all of my previous event planning experience, he seems to trust me in a lot of ways. Finding local designers seems like it may the trickiest part. We've secured our venue, design, stylist, and photography teams, and models are a dime a million. Yet another reason that it would super not suck to be living in LA right about now...
Still funkalicious, but at least there are new reasons for it. I'm attempting new supplement combos to further boost my metabolism and make me feel all shiny and new-like, again. It's too bad I post these trite snippets of seemingly downcast emotions on here all too often; I still am more of an upbeat, jocular being than not. I got some really amazing ginger tea today that made me fairly stoked! And John and I are making plans to have bloody mary day on Saturday, which makes me quite pleased, as well. Only three more days until the weekend.
All of the freedom I celebrated last month seems to be closing in on me tighter and tighter as the demands of me continue to grow in intensity and complexity. I can't be everyone's savior. I just can't. And I have to realize this before I can truly move along in my personal growth and progression as a human being. Which has, of late, (actually, over the past few years) become my all-encompassing desire. To become the absolute best version of me that I can surmise. The hardest part of this is constantly doing this all on my own.
Oh goody! The insanity is permeating and infecting this state as well as up and down the length of the west coast. I am feeling on the verge of a breakdown, myself. Why is it okay for others to wallow, to act upon every wild and ridiculous idea that skims through their minds, blame the whole thing on mental deficiencies and then use this as a continued excuse to treat people miserably? I'm sick of being the rock, the pillar of expectation. Am still needing to find that petty crime that will get me locked up temporarily for my vacation.
I took hold of my sadness last night and decided to throttle it. Though I am not completely happy once more, I got my first disc of Bratpack images; being finished with schoolwork for the week, I demolished a bottle of Merlot and uploaded pics all night long. The feedback has been overwhelmingly positive thus far and I really don't expect that to change.
In further news, I also spoke with Levi and have decided to go to Austin over Spring Break for SXSW. SO EXCITED. Adam may go with me, or join up with us later in the week.
YES. Today's adventure was SO much fun. Because John was over an hour late meeting me in Boulder, I had the chance to get out on the 29th Street Mall and found some awesome deals at Angels. We made our way to the awful Tavern, hooked up with Stefan and Jon, got cozy at the Pearl Street Pub, met more friends, kept bar-hopping, got asked if we were a rock band, ate mussels and edamame, swing-danced to bluegrass, ran hand-in-hand down the middle of the street, got kicked out of the Cheesecake Factory, passed out directly.
The return to semi-normalcy proved to be quite pleasurable. I kicked some sales in the booty at Kohl's and got take out and a 5 Barrel for lunch from Jackson's (people can't believe that others can possibly dine alone!). Hit Foothills b/c I was rather enjoying the company and banter of strangers. When I finally made my way home (with more new boots and dvds), I crawled into bed for the remainder of my waking hours. Complete with a buffet of tasty goodness, new flicks, and my phone turned off, I was more than able to chill out.
Ahh, VD. How I loathe thee. Fortunately, today has been relatively painless thus far; I am not as optimistic for this evening, when my HLP will undoubtedly blow off our usual Monday night plans in favor spending VD with her BF (though she still refuses to admit they're in a relationship...though they spend much more time together than she and I ever have...). I am fairly certain I will pull a yesterday by procuring an obscene amount of food and playing possum in my room with the lights dimmed for the evening. I suppose I could be surprised, however.
I am so incredibly glad to be writing again. And I have to give some credit to this silly little writing exercise site: this 100 daily words has inspired me to start a blog and actually translate my experiences into writing once more. I had taken much too long of a break, and I don't even quite know why.
It is sixty degrees in February; screwy Colorado weather!! Of course, it is supposed to snow again this weekend, and send us all plummeting back into our individual depressions and malaise comas. Spring, truly, cannot come quickly enough this time around.
Uggggghhhh, stupid final class in grad school thwarting my travel and concert plans!! I booked my Spring Break trip and purchased the requisite tickets for the rock show of the year, all without heeding the weekends that I must attend my final class in graduate school. Dammit. I am highly annoyed, primarily with myself and my lack of foresight. I NEED this trip with a passion, and I am GOING to that amazing show, if it kills me (to be in class Fri. night, go to show, sit in class allll day Sat.) School shall not ruin my personal endeavors.
The last day in my super short, super lovely work week! Hooray! I keep discussing this with my colleagues, but it's truly amazing to have such a tiny population of students at school right now; we are building some incredible and memorable relationships with one another, the kids, and watching them build comparable relations with each other. Much academia is happening as well, as the kids are mostly engrossed in everything we present to them these days. After we return to school on Monday, there will be but 24 days until I depart the frigid wasteland of Colorado for Austin!!
I DO still have the power to be a trend-setter! If anyone were actually reading these silly little rants of 100 words daily, one would, perhaps, notice the excessive repetition of a certain term: adventure. Well, apparently I've integrated this word into my common vernacular enough that many of my friends have also started using the term to define most any activity slightly out of the ordinary of the everyday routine. I love this: human nature's way of accommodating to the situation around at the time. And everyone does it. It's so terribly sociological of us, don't ya think?
A little punk rock therapy was exactly what this exhausted soul needed to feel normal again! What a fantastic show (Gamits and LTJ) with the Amandas! We had a full cast production meeting today for the fashion show, that went quite well, I think. And I think I have successfully grabbed the attention of the hypothetical crush in question. Three weeks from tomorrow, we will be cruising all over Austin in various states of sobriety, having adventures from spelunking to shows and dancing, to watching sunrises and cuddling (I'm projecting, here). I absolutely cannot wait for this one! The end.
Ohh, my, this adventure was awesome! After too much planning, I traveled to Denver with Lauren and Annie's brother Chris for the HelloGoodbye show. Being as we were over an hour before the first band started, we got warmed up at the Irish pub across Larimer from The Marquis. I made friends with some youngsters outside the theater, got too many tallboys, got annoyed at a banana, hit on by a curvaceous hipster baby, rocked out to nerd rock, jammed to the best blues harmonica I've ever heard, and exchanged numbers with a cute, scenester boy with very intense eyes.
I have a hypothetical crush on an actual person. And not a celebrity, either. At this stage, my crush must remain hypothetical until I learn more of this person. As of right now, he is someone I have communicated with solely over the intraweb since 2004 (ish) when we became "friends" on MySpace. Then Adam brought him to one of my shindigs at my old place, which is the only time I have ever met him in person. Now, I will be going to stay with him for four and a half days in Austin and am so damn excited.
I am wondering how long we can continue this mindless banter. Isn't it exhausting attempting to constantly make someone giggle and appreciate you? Nah. Actually, it's just flirty and fun. Are we learning more about one another on the most superficial planes? When will the chatter cease (since it inevitably will)? There are still almost three weeks until we convene in person; can we sustain this idle conversing per written comments for long enough to tide us both over 'til then? I think I may actually be more anxious for this adventure than I was for my past LA trips.
Today I go asked to be a guest blogger AND model for a company website. Pretty cool. I'm going to one of my former (and all-time favorite!) students' baby showed on Saturday morning, then off to tour O'dell's with the beer group. By then, there will only be two weeks left until my Austin quest. "The Changeling" was an absolutely stunning and terrible movie. Been outta the gym for only five days and already feeling flabby. I've been taking naps solely so I can close my eyes and think about that which makes me quite pleased and quite anxious.
Another dear old friend in the mental hospital; how ironic that she is going to be learning DBT! The war of the "rulers-of-the-school" is raging at work between the ones who have to have their say in EVERY single thing that occurs. The odd banter is into its fifth day and I am still enjoying every single second of it. Tomorrow, Amanda and I will be going to Tribal to see if we can exchange tattoo dates, which would be SO ideal, as then I will have the option of staying my vacation for a few days.
I think I need to become unregistered from all of the liberal newsletters and philanthropic causes of which I have been a member for the past several months. I am constantly in a state of distress of late, thinking about the current state of affairs in this messed up country and even more confused world. This is precisely why I abstained from watching/listening to the news for so long. Now I am constantly immersed in the terror. I do suppose, however, it's better to be informed, concerned, aware, and involved than to hide under a rock all the time.
Baby shower, brew tour at O'Dells with the crew, ran into the one night stand and his gf, people watched and got hit on by some lovely lesbians, THead boxed greyhounds, watermelon jello, running in the sunshine, "Death in the Afternoon" and pesto torta, dance party at the worst club in town. Yes, this was a successful Saturday. Day buzzes are the bestest. All I can think about is having an entire week of them in Austin with a fun new companion. I want to get inked, too, and have sushi, sun, swim, shop, aquarium, tapas, live music and jazz.
TWO MORE WEEKS. I can scarcely wait. Tonight, we had a listening party with Youtube playlists for about four hours. That was some good fun. Why am I so terribly attracted to someone who cares about spelling and grammar? What a dork. I could never date someone who was not at least almost as dorky as I am in this regard. And thinking back through the years, all of my substantial relationships have been with people who are word nerds, too. I desire to make these two weeks go by as quickly as possible so I can make this trip!!!
I adore my short days. Especially with this teeny population. My kids are so freaking awesome right now, on the whole, it makes me gleeful. It should make my time move quicker, but it does not. Tonight, we are taking four girls to the Holocaust panel at CSU; should be an engaging experience (it was last year). And the girls who wrote proposals to go are pretty freaking awesome chicks who will actually get a lot out of this presentation, I believe. I have out of school plans every night this week except tomorrow, which is reserved solely for schoolwork.
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