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Rabbit rabbit, baby. Oh how I love Saturdays. Once again, I'm not smoking anything! Yes, I ran out of smokable substances and I'm determined to not smoke for a long time. I've quit smoking many times and it's never a difficult thing to do. It's easy to quit. It's hard to not start again! So, I took a couple of pills and hit the road. Visited my dear friend in the nursing home and gassed up the car, came back home and vegetated for the rest of the day. Many opportunities for going out tonight, but I stayed home instead.
Raoul told me I should wash the car because it was horrible dirty. So, I finished reading "Bossypants" and went out front and washed the car at sunset. When Raoul came outside I was already finished and he was in a state of shock that I actually did it! Then we hopped into the clean car and drove around the block to see if the neighbors had put out any trash from their yard sale. Nada. Raoul said the last time they put out a whole set of dishes, so he was sure there would be something there. But no.
I don't like Mondays and today was a perfect example of why. I'm so fed up with the ridiculous situation at the factory that I constantly think about my exit strategy. I'm thinking about calling in sick for a few weeks to use up my sick days and never going back. That's a fantasy. But I gotta stop fantasizing and get busy with a real plan. I'm miserable in that place and the time has truly come for me to get the hell outta there while I still have a shred of sanity. Thinking is a good way to start.
Each day, I become a little closer to realizing my dream of leaving the factory. Today, I almost walked out in a fit of pique. I'm tired of being a scapegoat for others' shortcomings. I really don't like being lied to and left out. It's a campaign to make me leave and it's working. My goal is to be out of there by the end of the year, but I have a feeling that it's going to be much much sooner. I'm too old to apply for any jobs that may be advertised. I have to start my own business.
RIP Steve Jobs. I just read he died and I was suddenly very very sad. I've been a loyal Apple fan since 1984. I didn't actually own an Apple product back then, but I used one at the office. When I look back at that little screen, it's amazing that it wasn't much bigger than the screen on my iPhone! And it was all black and white. I have such fond memories of PageMaker and remembering how certain things just seemed so tedious on the computer that I would go back to physically cutting and pasting type the old way!
I swore to myself that today would be my last day at the factory. I packed up my personal effects so that when I left at the end of the day I wouldn't ever have to go back. But the truth is, I need that money. I'm fearful of where the money will come from once I walk away from that steady income. But I've reached the tipping point of not really caring anymore. I'm telling myself that I'll work there until the end of the year and start the new year fresh, but I think it will be sooner.
I took Mr. Cat to the vet this morning for a dental exam. That meant leaving him there for six hours. I wondered how I would pass the time, but it wasn't really so difficult. I went to visit Helly today instead of tomorrow since it's Yom Kippur. Instead of my usual one hour or less visit, today I was there for two and a half hours. The first half of the visit was fine. The second half became rather surreal. I spent some time at Starbucks and a thrift shop and soon it was time to bring kitty home.
My husband was a big fan of pills. I was always of the mind that one only took them on occasion and only for a short-term. The exception being antibiotics, which back in the '70s and '80s doctors were prescribing for anything. I would go visit my physician for a runny nose, or an earache or even a simple cold and I would walk out with a scrip for a week or two of antibiotics. I'm happy to report that I haven't taken them in years. I think the last time was a week before a serious root canal.
A hot topic these days are "food deserts." It's a sad fact in America that inner cities are places where fresh foods are nonexistent. I've been to plenty of markets where produce is an anomaly. Praise farmer's markets and citizen initiatives bringing produce to the people. We need more victory gardens. It's a shame that vacant lots lie fallow when they could very easily be converted to community gardens. It's a great leap of faith to put some seeds into the dirt and wait for plants to appear which eventually yield delicious food. I love to work in the garden.
It's no wonder I'm obese. I think about food and dream of new recipes and look all over the Internet at photos of food. I have a cookbook collection that I have hardly touched since the advent of the World Wide Web. For that matter, I hardly touch newspapers or magazines any more either. I do love to sit down with a good book, having recently spent an afternoon reading Tina Fey's "Bossypants." The best part about reading something funny is the way one chuckles when alone. I love laughter. It's good for me and always makes me feel better.
Tuesdays are mostly not a good day for me but that's because I've decided that I don't like Tuesday. I could sing that song about I don't like Mondays on Tuesday, but really what is there not to like about any certain day? I like every day. I just want to celebrate another day of living. I'm glad I woke up today. I just wish that I wasn't doing the stuff that I'm getting paid to do. So I made a call to work on something new for the future. It made me happy to make that call, for sure.
Hump day. Hum? It's just another day, n'est-ce pas? Do I want to write a 100 words entry that's all questions? I think I've done that before, haven't I? How do I answer life's persistent questions? Does anybody really know what time it is? Does anybody care? I measure the passing of time by watching plants sprout in the garden. The beans are amazing. No wonder someone wrote a book about a beanstalk. Those plants grow at an amazing rate. Now, basil on the other hand, seems to be taking it's sweet time popping up and becoming real plants.
Thursday, the 13th. Why does the 13th on a Friday mean bad luck? I think any day that's numbered 13 has that potential. But, I have to say that today was a pretty good day capped off with a lovely bowl of chili. My life revolves around food. I wish I could change my attitude from living to eat to eating to live. I think about food all the time. That's pretty unlucky. I'm large like the governor of New Jersey. Well, maybe not quite that large, but too big for comfort. I am visualizing myself as a smaller person.
I told myself today that I truly earned my pay at work. Since I'm off work for three days next week, I crammed some intense working ahead into today's schedule. I was late leaving the office and was invited to a Shabbat dinner at 7 at which there was a birthday celebration. So I left work late, ran into the store, bought a present, had it wrapped, made it home in time to change and made it to the party with time to spare. Oh yeah, The Son made a surprise visit home this weekend so he went with me.
The best part about today was that I went through my usual Saturday routine, only I was accompanied by The Son. That made it just a little more interesting. Looking back on it now, it was actually rather surreal. It seemed so natural and easy, but I wonder how it was for him. He knows what my routine is, but actually doing it with me was an unusual experience. We went to dinner tonight to our favorite little sushi place. It was, after all, a rather peaceful and easy day in the end. I like having him around. Good times!
I have to stop reading recipes. That's the end of the story. I finally made something that I should never have made. I found a recipe for doughnuts using biscuits in a tube. Just take a cap from a two liter bottle and cut a hole in the middle of the biscuits and then - FRY THEM! Who doesn't like fried bread? I rolled 'em in cinnamon sugar. They were absolutely addictive. I ate five of them and it took a lot of my will power not to eat them all. I tell you, whoever thought of the idea was brilliant!
Raoul says his lucky number is 17. I never really thought I have a lucky number. But I do have a feeling about the number 13. That's the power of suggestion. I guess I have learned to love the number 17 after Raoul's obsession with it after all these years. I'm not a great believer in numerology or astrology or even those who say they have psychic power. Come to think of it, the whole religion and faith discussion is part of this same mumbo jumbo. I believe in the here and now because it's happening as I type, darling!
Letting the days go by. Vacation time is not real time. No agenda. Nothing planned. Not even in a faraway exotic place. Just here at home inside hiding from the extremely rainy day. It's been raining here pretty steady for the past few days and it looks to continue at least through tomorrow. I like not doing anything, but even though the weather is crappy, I feel like going out to lunch with His Royal Smallness, his sister and her caregiver. We're heading to 100 Montaditos, one of my favorite new restaurants here in the Magic City. Beer good, yeah!
Today, I went with my friend Ricki to one of those all-you-can-eat buffets. It was fairly dreadful. The only good buffet in town went out of business after at least a decade. That was truly a shame, because they actually had good food and a decent selection. I think they went under because the place was ginormous. I mean, it just went on and on and on. It was like they had a restaurant with about five banquet rooms. The rent on that place must have been exorbitant. We're always looking for a new decent buffet place.
Ugh, why did I have to go back to work on a Thursday? Oh yeah, there was a lot to be done. It was a fairly relaxed day after the morning passed. The list of things coming up fills me with a certain dread because I know that something's gonna crash and burn. I just hope it ain't me! I beaver on bravely all the while wishing I were somewhere else. Soon, man. Soon. I just have to think about it and plan and be patient. The problem is, my patience has just about run out and I'm so ready.
Taking a quick break to write 100 words before it's time to move on to the next thing. It's just another day. But I was still all TGIF most of the day. In just 10 days, I will be someone else at least for one night. I hope I'll be able to have a designated driver because the one thing I really love about Halloween is getting totally inebriated. I haven't smoked or drank for weeks, so I'm a-gonna be a real cheap date. Still don't have my drag outfit planned, but I know it's gonna be a blast!
I went to visit Helly today and was stood up for a lunch date with an old old friend. It's not the first time she's acted like this, so I totally understand. She's the perfect example of a fair weather friend. Helly was in a really odd mood today so I only stayed for an hour. I skipped the regular routine of going to the Devil's Warehouse, although I did go there to fill the car with gas. The rest of the day was spent lolling about the house, periodically noshing on something and a bit of napping in between.
Since His Royal Smallness decided last night that he was angry with me, I didn't get to go with him this morning for our usual Sunday routine. I spent virtually the entire day lolling about doing nothing with naps in between. I'm truly letting the days go by and even sometimes wishing I were dead. I'm ready to go. Today is a good day to die. These horrid ideations come when I feel I've reached the ultimate dead end. Pun intended. I'm in a hideous mood and I need a good vacation to get away from it all until improvement.
Slump. That's where I am. It's bad to be this stuck. And for this long. I put on a happy face and I go to the factory and create beautiful things but it doesn't give me satisfaction. I imagine myself far away from that place, but not doing much to make it happen. That's what happens when one is stuck. I went to the garden yesterday and planted heirloom tomatoes. That made me happy for a short while. But I need some long-term happiness. I create my own reality. I just wish it didn't involve so much face stuffing.
Twas another yucky day, but I made it that way. I woke up thinking that I was going to be cheerful and positive the entire day and as soon as I arrived at the factory, the first person I encountered decided to pop my little fantasy balloon of believing that all is right and fair and equal. But, it was only a temporary setback, and I was able to turn that frown upside down. Getting a free lunch followed by a free dinner made a big difference in how I was feeling. It wasn't such a bad day, after all!
The Humpty Element is a fallacy. Wednesday is just another day. Once again, I made a conscious decision in the morning to make the day a good one. When I make that sort of decision right off the bat it really does improve the day. I have to stop harboring grudges because it's eating me up inside. I'm going through the motions but at the same time, I am planning for the future. I am the creator of my own reality and I intend to create something beautiful that I can live with for the rest of my life, yeah!
It's just another day. Letting the days go by. Lather, rinse and repeat. I go through the motions without feeling very much. That's not living. I need to find some excitement. Maybe this weekend we should take a road trip. Too bad the weather is forecasted to be so horrid. I remember when we said to hell with the weather and took road trips in the rain. Those were the days when we created fun all the time. We really were happier then because we worked at it. Once you stop trying, the fun ceases. Time to find it again.
TGIF baby. I was actually sad that I didn't get an invite to Shabbat dinner tonight and I considered asking myself. I've never done that before, so I wasn't about to begin that now. Instead, I went to the grocery store, bought a sandwich, chips and a beer and came home to a quick dinner in front of the TV. After schmying around the Internets for awhile, I was sound asleep and then up in the middle of the night. I think we're getting ready for the time change next weekend because we've been waking early every day this week!
My routine was a little messed up this morning due to a misunderstanding. I took Mr. Cat to get a shot but the vet wasn't open. That wasted about two hours. I got off to a late start, cutting my visit with Helly to only 20 minutes, headed to the beauty supply to buy things for His Royal Smallness, bought gas at Costco and then had lunch with Weezie. Since I was in the neighborhood, I visited Lynne and Chris. I haven't been to their house in years. When I got home, it was time to go to Melinda's house.
The relentless rain. It's been falling since last night, all night. All day today. And still tonight. It's gotta stop soon or we're gonna be all flooded out again. In the 25 years we've lived in this old house, we've had three serious floods and the most recent was only a couple of years ago. The weather is always crappy on Halloween. It's always the rainy season. Right before the drought begins. Soon we'll be begging for this rain. I'm glad the community garden has lots of hoses. We need to water lots in the winter when the rains stop.
Halloween just ain't what it used to be. I still think of it as a holiday for children, but adults sure have latched onto it as an excuse to party to excess. And of course we all know it's the Homosexual's Drag Day. It's the one day where it's totally acceptable to wear anything, including the clothing of the opposite gender, which has always been popular. But, as the years have passed when we had our own children to squire about, it's just not as much fun as it used to be. I miss the good old days last month.
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