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BY Cobalt

03/01 Direct Link
My friend was right when she told me my roommate lived in a fantasy world, that when she heard his voice she said he sounded like he was half awake. I didn't want to hear this. At the time I didn't have the means to make things better for myself. Not that I necessarily do now, but now I have to make things better for myself and my kittens. When the brother arrived, I discovered that he lived in an even bigger world of delusions. The two prove that they are both completely lost. I don't care for lost people.
03/02 Direct Link
No one in the car is any good. I know this, and it's a moving vehicle, and I'm trapped inside. The driver, he keeps telling me it's going to be okay, just hold on, we'll get to where we're going and why do I act so nervous all the time? I'm sweating, but he's sweating too, because the heat is on too high. I'm more nervous than I look. I don't want to talk about it. I just want to bail out of the moving car. I don't care what happens when I hit the ground, I just want out.
03/03 Direct Link
I'm given a comb. I have to coat it with some sort of poison, so that when it's used, it will burn the skin, cause the hair to fall out, and eventually make the user ill. I don't know much about poison, except that certain mouse poison will make green foam at the mouth. Cult groups use the major poisons that I know about to attack various populations. I decide to mix drain cleaner with sugar water, and soak the comb in it. It's simple! Then I suddenly realize I'm dealing with complex chemistry, and I never took chemistry classes.
03/04 Direct Link
I was wearing a wife-beater and black vinyl pants. I went to an area in the middle of downtown, where groups of artists and musicians were gathering outside. I saw my friends Rose and Kelly, but I didn't want to talk to them. I walked past them. But within seconds my legs began to give. I walked slower and slower against my will. I thought, not now, not now, but I couldn't help myself. If my legs weren't going to work, there was nothing I could do. I was self-conscious about how strange I must have looked taking baby steps.
03/05 Direct Link
In Germany, we hiked to an airport through a lush wilderness. Along the way we stopped at a rustic looking mall. We had planned on eating at a place somewhere in the middle of nowhere, some famous hamburger stand, but we stopped to use the restrooms. One in the group, a fat louse none of us liked, had to get a hamburger in the food court, taking up valuable time. Some of the group thought we wouldn't be able to find this hamburger stand, and wanted to eat then. The cashiers were severe about exact change, and called me names.
03/06 Direct Link
The plot for the next film of which Kenny Loggins is working on the soundtrack, isn't easy to sum up. Frankly I wish they had explained it to me with more detail, because it's even more difficult to explain to anyone else. I have to rely on generalizations, cliches, and assumptions. Does it involve the search and destruction of giant sentient pill bugs, ravaging the countryside during the Dust Bowl, only for the humans to be met by surprise by insects that can read minds and are preparing the planet for the further propagation of their mutated species? Kind of.
03/07 Direct Link
I kept falling off the edge of the stairs and onto the tortoise's back. I didn't think the animal noticed. I would scramble back up onto my feet, and pull myself back up onto the stairs. Someone should have put a railing here, because it was obvious that the stairs had a severe angle down to one side. All I had to do was climb to the doorway at the top of these stairs, but it was like comparing meat to marbles, the way I had to work at it, and for what? Very little I can easily assure you.
03/08 Direct Link
I'm riding in the car with Tracy Nelson. She played the nun on "Father Dowling Mysteries". She has a nice roomy white car with multicolored polka-dots detailed on the sides. She tells me I have some sort of disease, which is a relief, considering how much of a hypochondriac I am. But I don't know how she knows about this disease, unless she's a nurse in real life, and I can tell that she wears many hats, just by her acting roles. "You have to get help," she tells me sincerely, "and that's why I'm taking you to the hospital."
03/09 Direct Link
The spider was brown, about the size of a Black Widow, and had large moving black fangs. I'd never seen such a spider. Whatever it was, it wanted blood. I wrapped a telephone book in some newspaper, and dropped it on the spider, crushing it. In the other room of mom's house, with the shelves and washer and dryer, I discovered, almost too late, a grey scorpion on a shelf. I grabbed a paint can to crush it with. As soon as I aimed the can, the scorpion took an attack pose directed at me. And those suckers can jump!
03/10 Direct Link
They had some delicacies. I said I wasn't interested. "Why, I eat the three basic meat groups, what's wrong with that?" They told me they had other options: giraffe, seal, snakes, and other even less appealing items. They ran the meats through their hands, hungrily. "Why not lamb fetuses?" I offered, "The most tender of all!" They laughed at me, as if to say, don't be silly. They said I had to choose, so I chose snake. It was like eating cartilage, or trying to eat tasteless gum. "I just don't see the point," I said, with my mouth full.
03/11 Direct Link
Sitting in the middle of the highway is a red gelatinous mass, trapezoidal in shape. "Stop the car," I tell my mother, because I want to get out and make sure the mass is okay. I know you're not supposed to stop the car in the middle of the highway, but I'm worried the mass is going to get hit by drivers who aren't paying attention. I don't even know what I'm going to put it inside for safety. It will probably just manage to fit inside the glove compartment. I hope that it won't lose shape on the way.
03/12 Direct Link
His head, arms, and lower legs had been severely burned. After numerous grafts, and countless hours of surgery, he had regained use of his limbs. His head however remained bald, largely yellow in color, and with no orifices. Doctors performed surgeries to remove sections of organ donors' eyes, nose, and mouth. When the eyes, nose, and mouth had been transplanted, it looked like a bad cut and paste job with images from old magazines. It gave the man a more human look, though now the original skin looked like a waxy mask with four poorly cut holes in the front.
03/13 Direct Link
For some reason since mom's death, I dream more about malls and escalators than ever before. To me escalators tend to always be running up, and not usually down. When I dreamed about the airport that used escalators as ways to move people through lines, the only escalators that went down were controlled by crotchety old people.

One of my earliest fears was of riding escalators, because kids were always getting caught in one with lose clothing, like scarves or shoelaces. It seemed like a far more common danger to children than frostbite, which was my other biggest childhood fear.

03/14 Direct Link
Marci had to pick up some things at the Aldi. Everything fit inside a box. I had no memory of where I had parked the car, but she remembered. She sat the box in the passenger seat.

"What, are you going to sit in the back?" I asked.

"No, I have to clear out some room for the box."

The back seat was full of old dolls of all shapes and sizes. "I have to get rid of some of these dumb dolls," I sighed. One with huge eyes I held up to Marci. "Ma ma, ma ma," I said.

03/15 Direct Link
The greens went with the greens, the reds with the reds, and the yellows with the yellows. Size and shape differences didn't matter. I could put the little green trapezoidal forms with the long green rectangles, or the small yellow orbs with the big yellow pyramids. What mattered was that the colors matched. There were a lot of these forms to gather and organize into the appropriate containment system. They were spread all over the streets. If I didn't get to them in time, cars would probably run them over, and then the distinction between their forms would be lost.
03/16 Direct Link
The owners of the triangular house were not fashionable: a woman who wore dresses of long panels of orange fabric, and her husband, who looked like Elliot Gould, and kept a suit on at all times. The one time I'd been there, I went to visit my friend, but suddenly everyone left the house without me. I found the kitchen upstairs, and couldn't get back downstairs. In the master bedroom, I climbed through the window with vertical blinds that matched the mother's dress. I slid down the roof and into the dark backyard where a lonely hot tub sat, unused.
03/17 Direct Link
The estate sale started out in a large, dark house and wove into a huge warehouse. I began in the kitchen, finding plenty of old dishware. While piling these items up, for some reason I added to my pile old embroidered towels and blankets. The sellers said that those had no value, and I could just have them. I had three shopping carts full of items with prices, and without. But the man running the sale decided that items meant for the trash could only go there, and not in someone's basket. I had to sneak the "trash" items out.
03/18 Direct Link
Things I would like to have dreams about but to my knowledge and recollection, never have: Easter Island, turtles and tortoises, Niagra Falls, yeti, the Civil War, being tiny and walking around among normal size plants and insects, being a surviving member of the Donner party expedition, assassinating people I don't like and then finding out later that no one else liked them either but just pretended to, travelling to the center of Jupiter, Eskimos, totem poles, hearing an improvised composition played live by Coltrane and then remembering it when waking, the taste of eating fresh pineapple all over again.
03/19 Direct Link
For a school project, I built a water tower from scraps of sheet metal. I left it in the desert and forgot about it. Years later, my tower showed up on the local news, the subject of a story about farmers who found it on their property. They were going to tear it down, worried that it would collapse and hurt their sheep, and supposedly it was haunted. The farmer took the crew on a tour inside. It still had three mattresses, chicken wire walls, and compass mounted in the middle of the room, to prove the presence of spirits.
03/20 Direct Link
The science project involved making a full body outfit for the mule out of bird feathers, mostly from geese, but also from finch, canary and peacock for visual detailing. When the mule had been covered, she looked awfully sharp, as far as mule fashions went. But we kept having to remind ourselves, this is for science, this is for science, and sat down with our balogna sandwiches and milk, eager to eat after such hard work. The mule, of course, she got her bag of oats, the one with sequins on it.

This is for science, this is for science.

03/21 Direct Link
It was illegal to run from one end of the block to and back to the other. They told us so. We didn't believe them. How could it be against the law to run on the street where you live? "This is silly," one of the girls complained. "I for one am not going to just sit on my ass and watch the clouds pass by." We watched her butt jiggle in her polyester track shorts, as she ran to the south corner. She returned to us, huffing and panting. She was out of shape, and no one said anything.
03/22 Direct Link
On the way to the subway the ground was soaked. I was worried I was going to ruin my shoes. The grass on nearby front lawns was yellow and half dead. The ground was so wet it squished when walked on. At the train entrance, a lot of people were milling around, like they were didn't know what to do and didn't have anywhere to be. The entrances to the trains were completely filled to the surface with mud and debris and long dead grass. The tunnels had flooded so fast people knew there were bodies adrift in the mud.
03/23 Direct Link
At a stall in the food court, I leaned over the counter to see what some of the dishes were. One of the people working snapped at me and said I should look at the menu written on the blackboard, way up high. The food seemed appetizing at first. When the plates came out, none of it looked like what we thought we had ordered. My plate had what looked like cheap, inedible action figures of anamorphic birds wearing black uniforms. My friend had a plate of what looked like octopus tentacles with hard shell coverings mixed with rigatoni noodles.
03/24 Direct Link
The tongue, it opened a mouth of its own and vomited all over my shoe. Strange thing for the severed head of one of those things to do. No one told me that would happen.

Inside the organ, were drawers filled with all manner of ancient and mysterious items. The parents who owned it, were clearly kept unaware of the contents. The first thing I dug out was a Russian pocket watch from 1568! It was about twice as big as the pocket watches we all know. There were so many things to look through, until the parents came home.

03/25 Direct Link
For some reason I’d been taking care of Lynora’s baby for almost two months. I was only supposed to babysit for a night. I let her take advantage of me. I excused my behavior, saying I had a lot of other things going on. After maybe the one-hundredth diaper, or maybe it was the one-hundredth bath, or maybe it was the one-hundredth feeding, I called her. “You need to come get your baby.”

“Oh I was just about to come over,” she said, innocently. I almost bought it. I think by the time she arrived, the baby was already talking.

03/26 Direct Link
The terrible storm was coming. It could have been the end of the world -- I don't remember. I remember that I was taken to a modern pyramid, and forced, for my life, to climb higher and higher, until I was on a ledge. A pitch black tornado swept across the land, dragging lightning along with it as it moved. I was in its path, clinging onto a pole. I was told I would be alright, that I would make it through the mass destruction, and the tornadoes. Who could say? Why should I have believed what anyone would tell me?
03/27 Direct Link
My Korean friend's sister looked like an Asian version of Janet Jackson. She even dressed like her. For some reason though she decided she didn't like me, even when I tried to compliment her on looking like Janet. She wanted nothing to do with me. She even told my friend that my poor Korean-speaking skills were part of the reason she didn't like me. Then her opinion changed, and she said she didn't like me because I was American. Later her opinion changed to not liking me because I was a man, and to her, all men were chauvinist assholes.
03/28 Direct Link
We went to a restaurant in a high rise. My friend said his sister was to meet us there. When my friend went to the restroom, an American sitting next to us, struck up a conversation with me.

"You're from America aren't you?" he asked.

"Hard to tell isn't it?" I joked.

"I'm from Tokyo," he said, smiling. Then shrugging. Then turning away while continuing to smile, and then grimacing. He wouldn't say another word.

"Why did you leave?" I asked. I had to wait and wait. Finally he said, "The politicians are assholes there."

"Sounds like America," I replied.

03/29 Direct Link
In the basement of my childhood home, I went in the storage room to look for progress made by the new owner, and thought I saw something odd. I knew it couldn't be real but I was terrified. I tried to run but since I had to walk with a cane, it was difficult to move fast.

In the bedroom everyone had single mattresses on the floor. It was freezing. Covers were pulled up to noses. I had to sleep in the bed directly under the window well. That was the worst, most anxiety inducing way I could sleep there.

03/30 Direct Link
I'm able to try small strawberry and chocolate candies. Some are coated in a vanilla and stawberry icing with chocolate brownie in the center. Others are coated with coconut, and have a soft creamy chocolate center. Unfortunately Ed is there to ruin it for me. He keeps butting in, grabbing pieces out of my hands, offering his opinions for better tasting candies. In no time, the sweetness of all the candy turns sour. The entire confectioners convention is turned into a disaster. Only I know that Ed is to blame, but to everyone else he is just an obnoxious American.
03/31 Direct Link
If you could just ask the water not to go there, because that's a new table. I would really appreciate it. And please, if you could, keep the cats away from the plants, because the one loves to get into the plants and dig and dig and sometimes try and eat them. Oh, and if you could, please keep the windows closed, because there's the heating bill to consider. And if you would, if you make a mess on the mirror after you brush your teeth, clean if up, we're not lower primates. They don't even brush their teeth besides.