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To My Friends - because you're worth it
I am here for you when you're happy
I will be there for you when you're down
I'll be here for you to laugh with
When we're just fooling around
I'm here to tell your secrets to
Cause you know secret is how they will stay
I'm here for you during hard times
To tell you that things will turn out okay
You know I will always be there
When you think you can't take anymore
And do you want me to tell you why?
Because that, is what friends are for.
It just hit me that homecoming is in three days. I'd be my first but unfortunately I am not going. Everyone says I should go stag, but I only want to go if I have a date. This whole occasion is not worth the stress. Not that I haven't had my chances. I've asked and been asked. Been on both sides of the fence. The thing is that it's like I'm caught between the two fences. And I still haven't found the gate that I want to go through. Guess I'll just have to keep walking until I find it.
You want to know something? I've come up with a new term. You know when it's like you kind of like someone, but it's just something you tease your mind with. You don't have an actual thing for them. You don't seriously consider doing anything with it or about it. Well, I've decided to give that term a name. Passive Crush. Does it not sound cool? It's like when you need something to daydream about, you think about them. What ifs… I wonders…. But then in the next instant it's right back to your math homework. Or something like that.
Homecoming, homecoming, homecoming. That's all anyone is talking about. I have been involved in so many things related to it that it's starting to get to me. One can only take so much. Finally, after tomorrow, it will all be over. Then I can go back to the sane world. My world, of school, friends, and basketball. Lately it seems like I've been seeing less and less of my friends and playing less and less basketball. I miss them. Sunday will bring relief, I hope. I just can't wait until all this is over and things get back to normal.
Today's Homecoming and I had so much fun in the parade! It was awesome! All the work we put into it for the freshmen class (though we didn't have a float) was worth it! I'm definitely going to be in it again next year. One thing I learned; we needed more water balloons. Oh, and another thing. I'm so glad I'm not going to the dance, because then I would've had to leave the game/parade early, and that wouldn't be worth it. I think I came away with the better deal this year. And next year can only get better.
Well, what can I say? Didn't leave the game early, got to know some people better instead. Didn't go to the dance, read a good book. Didn't sulk, put aloe on my funky sunburn that I got from being at the game/parade. And when I went to help clean up after the dance, saw my friends and they said it stunk to have gone single. So I didn't do badly. Some people may think that the dance is "the main thing." But I think it's only the Icing-on-the-Cake, but without the parade/game you don't really have a cake. Do you?
Boys Vs. Rice Krispies
They look really good on the box/outside, but once you open it up and take a look inside, it doesn't turn out to be that good. They start out all nice crispy/crunchy/fun, making much noise. It looks like there is a lot of substance there, but once you add the milk and spoon, they get old and soggy really fast. They're a good snack, but they don't stick to your gut or keep you full. You get hungry again quite quickly, but you aren't going to want another helping of them because they didn't do the trick the first time.
There's a difference between giving up/losing all hope and to stop hoping. You see, if you give up/lose hope, the situation has come to a close, leaving you with only one option. You don't want to accept it, it's not the one you wanted, but you do because you don't have a choice. You are helpless, and it is inevitable. However, when you stop hoping, you have realized the possible results, chosen one yourself, and accepted it by your own free will. Granted, the choice you make could've ended up being the end result anyway, but I'd prefer the latter.
I just finished writing a birthday card to a friend and this is what it said:
You're 15! Only one more year until you can drive! Bet you can't wait. And as fast as the days fly by, it will be here in no time at all. And before we know it, we'll be seniors, graduating. Man, I'm going to cry so hard when that happens… But anyways, before that, we're going to have a blast! So the memories will always be with us, even though our friends may not. Enough w/ the depressing thoughts! Have a great Birthday!
I've just been thinking about fate. I've heard it said that our lives are decided by fate, everything is predestined. But that means we actually have no free will, no control over our lives. Every choice we make is predetermined. I'm not sure if I believe in fate. I do believe things happen for a reason, to make us stronger, or help us understand. And perhaps this does shape us in some ways. Also I think we are here for a purpose, though I expect that we have to find it on our own, fate won't just take us there.
Having friends is so important. I don't know what I would do without mine. Just the knowing that people care about you; that there are people who you can talk to about anything and everything anytime. People to laugh with, cry with, do stuff with. My friends mean the world to me. They make my life fun. And without them, there wouldn't be any good reason to go to school! Sometimes I don't think people realize how good it makes you feel when someone just smiles, says hi, or especially happy birthday, to you. It just makes you feel special.
There's something that you should know about me. I am pathetically obsessed with basketball. I love playing. I love practicing. Even the sweating doesn't really bother me. I think I'm one of the lucky ones, to have found something that I love this much to do. A lot of my friends play it. It's something that we do together and all have fun. Plus I've met a bunch of new people through it. I can't think of any time that I was unhappy on the court. When I'm playing, everything just feels natural, like I'm where I'm suppose to be.
Autumn is here. The trees are flaunting their new fall fashions, dropping samples to share with the rest of us. Pumpkins are appearing on doorsteps, the air is turning crisp. The world takes on a new clarity that no other season possesses. The sun drops lower in the sky, which fades into darkness earlier and earlier. As if it's practicing for its winter sleep. The fields are turning burnt gold to match the sunset. And though, I see the birds flying off into the southern horizon, I know that they will be back to repeat this yearly tradition next year.
I'm very insecure about this whole idea of having a boyfriend. I mean, I think it'd be kinda nice, to know that someone cares about you that way, to have someone thinking of you. But what other responsibilities come along with this? What else does this include? Telling them everything; where you're going, who you're with, what you're doing. Do they then have the right to touch you, to constantly have their arms around you? Do you always have to be together? There're too many things I don't know on this subject. It's frustrating, and the not knowing scares me.
Where do I belong in forever, in whose arms, the time and place… If you're not the one, why does your hand fit mine this way… I pretend that you're already mine, then my heart ain't breakin every time I look into your eyes… God forbid love leave you empty handed… You're still a whisper on my lips… I'll always remember how I felt that day… Unexpected what you did to my heart… It's time to say goodbye, no more excuses, no more tears to cry… When you're all alone in the lands of forever, lay under the Milky Way…
I'd really like to write something amazing right now. Something that is just so beautiful and fluid it would swirl around in your mind like rich chocolate. You'd relish it, and it would remain like a fading dream in your consciousness. It would delight you like a child's laughter, or perhaps make you cry as if for a happy ending. It would touch you in a way nothing else can, like true love. You'd keep it like a happy memory. To recall when it seems there's no good left in this world. But it seems that I have writer's-block today.
Finals… Teachers say the word and the class cringes. A cumulative review of everything we've studied so far through the year. I'm definitely not looking forward to them. The teachers say, "oh don't worry, if you study you'll be fine." Have they forgotten that we have gone through 8 chapters already? It all just seems so overwhelming. But what can you do about it besides study your brains out? They'll come, and then it will all be over and school will be normal for another nine weeks. But think about it… Is school ever actually normal? I don't think so.
It's Friday! Finally. I'm going to a football game, our last home one for the season. Hope we win. Not that I'm planning on watching the whole thing anyway. Football games are more of a social thing for me. Walking around and talking to friends. Since my school is on block scheduling, I don't see a lot of my buds during the week. So I make it up at football games. And by doing that, football games are always fun. I only have to know the score, who won, and what team we played. Just in case my parents ask.
Oh my gosh! I went on a haunted walk tonight. I've never been on one before and it was so fun! The only things that actually scared me were the guys with the chainsaws. I didn't like them. There were two houses that we had to walk through and in the first one, this little minion guy kept following me and breathing in that freaky way right behind me. I was like, "dude, you need a hug! If I get out of here, I'll give you one." And I did. Then he left me alone. I think I need help.
I need sleep. Sleep is good. My dad once said that sleep is overrated. I'm not sure if he was joking or what, but I hope he was. I need at least 6 hours to wake up in the morning, 8 to get through the whole day, and 9 to function completely. I consider sleep to be one of my favorite things, behind basketball and food of course. And I really need to start getting more of it. But I suppose until that day comes, I'll have to get along. I just hope I don't pass out in the meantime.
Useful Spanish Phrases 101
Hola – Hello
Como estas – How are you
Donde esta el bano – Where is the bathroom
Necesito una pasta de dientes – I need some toothpaste
Necesito dormir – I need to sleep
No digas eso – Don't say that
El tiempo es malo hoy – The weather is bad today
Que lastima – What a shame
La educacion fisica es me clase favorita – Physical Education is my favorite class
Ne gusta practicar baloncesto – I like to play basketball
Todos los dias yo practicar baloncesto – Everyday I play basketball
Me gusta mirar unos partido de baloncesto – I like to watch basketball games
I can't wait until Halloween. I really want to go trick-or-treating. Personally, I don't think you can ever be too old for it. I think I'm going to be Trinity from the Matrix. Babe in black. Lol. It's just an idea. I hope the weather is as good as last year. Last year was absolutely perfect. I didn't even have to wear a coat. Ah, the memories… "And who can resist free candy?" as one of my friends once said. Oh I can't wait. Now all I have to do is find somebodies to go with me. Hmmm… any takers?
I am unable to come up with an intriguing topic today so I asked my mom to give me one and she said strawberries, so here goes… I make awesome fruit shakes. Bananas, frozen blueberries and strawberries with milk. Put it all in a blender and you have an instant yummy snack. Not only that but it's good for you. The strawberries in particular are important. Along with the blueberries, they turn the mixture an interesting shade of purple. And they add an additional tartness to it. My mouth is now watering, I think I'll go and make some now…
I have lived through the first day of finals. I am alive and still breathing. This is good. I think I did well, well, I hope I did well. Tomorrow I have to take the finals for Spanish and world history. Conjugation, dates, people, foreign verbs… Crazy I tell you. But the good thing is that we get out of school early. Yep, went and played basketball. So what's new right? And did I mention that our student teacher in Advanced Algebra II made us chocolate cupcakes? They were really good. Food is always good. Today is National Balogne Day.
Today's word is "OTTOMAN". What is an ottoman you ask? Think of it as a giant cushioned footrest. It is usually about the size of a coffee table. Now I bet you're wondering where I come up with these things… well if your family spent over two hours in a single furniture store, and you were as bored as me, you'd eventually pick this terminology up. I found one, and though I didn't like the color, It was really, really comfy. If I hadn't've had my contacts in, I would've fallen asleep. I need to get me one of those.
I love AIM. I think it's awesome. The only thing I don't like is you can't hear any voice inflection or see facial expressions. And the way somebody says something in one tone could mean something completely different in another. And I can't always detect sarcasm. Not to mention that I am sarcastic a lot myself. Not only that but you might act a little different online, since you can't see a person face to face. And say or ask something that you wouldn't normally in person. I suppose that there are pros and cons to that, but oh well.
Ahhh… Halloween is in the air. Ghost, goblins, centipedes… Centipedes? Woa… where did that come from? Anyways. I love Halloween. The getting dressed up, that's my favorite part. The candy is just a perk. It's like, for one night, you can be something absolutely different. A hippie, a princess, or a wizard. The possibilities are endless. It's up to you, and your imagination is the limit. I think that my most creative costume was an invisible dog-walker. Man, you should've seen the looks people gave me. The greatest thing was when someone came up and asked me to walk it.
I want your opinion. Do you think that people are born with their attitudes and personality, or that they choose/become that way because of their surroundings and own choices? Are people born to be stuck up, understanding, or violent? Are people destined to hate, to fall in love? Or do people get to choose these things? I like to think that we're in charge of our own fates. That we get to pick how we act. I guess that I'm forever an optimist. I prefer to forgive, forget, and let things go. Life is too short to screw it up.
Black cat sleeping. Potion brewing in a kettle, thick green liquid, steam rising. Candle's light. Herbs, bat wings, pickled eyes of newt. Old worn broom leaning by the door. Grab it and out the door. Witches' Wind. Flying, rushing through pine and oak, past sleeping trees, over dark spaces and lighted towns, across empty meadows racing. Flashing by, dreamscape. Listen… leaves whispering autumn's secrets. Graceful movements, gliding towards the sky… of stars, full harvest moon casting its glow to the earth below. Cold breath of fall curling, stealing away warmth. Return to the hearth, to the fire. The witches' wind.
Tomorrow is Halloween, and I guess I'm not trick-or-treating this year. Oh well. A couple of friends of mine tried to get me to go with them and steal candy from little kids. When I told them I couldn't, one tried to put the guilt trip on me by saying… "If you don't come then I'll die, and then so-and-so will die because she loves me, and then so-and-so2 will go insane and put curses on the world, and then everyone will come and kill you because it's your fault… blah, blah, blah…" She's got a creative imagination doesn't she?
Venturing out against the cold
to walk around the neighborhood
along empty roads
but still wary of cars
Past lit houses
with glowing pumpkins guarding their doors
and little ghost, fairy, and superhero
Talking about anything
Beneath star-filled sky
and sliver moon
Surrounded by darkness
but pools of light reaching for us
It seems the world hold's its breath on
This frigid night
as if waiting to see what will happen
The quiet whisking our words away
with the wind
Eventually, the cold forces us back inside
and we are welcomed by warmth
and hot chocolate.
The Tip Jar