Thursday is training day and I always get off work a little earlier than usual to go to UP to dance. But when he asked if we could meet, it was almost automatic that I forget about Thursday being training day and say okay. The thing about my nameless relationship with him is that I'm never forced to do anything. I do things because I want to. And I'm with him because I choose to. We talked about us as if we were detached from ourselves. I found it cute when he giggled. I asked why. He said, "kinikilig ako.-

I had no idea a nine-page fashion spread took eight hours to shoot. Behind-the-scene pictures and videos were fun to shoot, though. We were treated to a buffet lunch and for one day I forgot about trying to lose weight. The dessert spread was calling out to me, how could I say no?

Spent the rest of the night in a pink bed with two of my good friends. We watched a not-so-funny movie and shared a bag of Cheddar Cheese Ruffles and two bottles of water between us.

Life's been really simple these days. I have been really happy.

I've learned not to squirm in pain when that time of the month comes. I quietly retreat to my room and sleep until the stinging feeling is gone. I made sure I slept all afternoon because it's a Saturday. And there's no breaking that happy streak of ours. Tonight was different from our usual eat-at-home and sleep routine. We ate out and he took me out for two kinds of dessert. He took a picture of me after I had a sip of our chocolate shake (which we shared with two straws, aww). It's my favorite picture of myself now.

I am now a godmother of a handsome young boy named L. I was transported back to college when I went to Bulacan for my cousin's son's christening. It's always fun to catch up with old friends.

Today I realized how much effort I put into keeping in touch with my friends. Sometimes I think to myself, shouldn't I stop being so persistent and just wait for them to be the ones to call me to see how I am? Or am I scared that maybe if I do that, no one will come looking for me? I don't know.

Today I met Mr. Pure Energy himself - Gary V! I remember dancing to Shout for Joy for a presentation we had to do in Star Scouts. Haha! I was so star struck and I wasn't even in the same room as him yet!

Marla and I waited for our turn and when we went in, he had a ready smile and shook our hands. He talked about music, his family and life, in general. I came out of that room an even bigger fan. He's a genuinely good man.

I listened to his album as soon as I got back.

I was never a fan of their music, although there were one or two songs I'd like. I can count the number of times I've seen them perform with my two hands. Or maybe even just one. But last night, I went with my mom and brothers to watch them perform. I can't explain it, but I feel an odd sense of pride whenever I watch my brother onstage. It's like I know that without him, they can't perform as good. I don't know. Call me a stage sister, but I still think my brother's the best guitarist I know.

I like eating. I'm sure you can tell with my not-so-tiny stomach and relatively large hips. Mealtime is always something I look forward to. Breakfast, lunch, merienda and dinner are the highlights of my day.

Discovering sixty-peso gems like sticky rice with sweet mango and iced tea is heaven. Just thinking of what to eat the next day excites me! Food is something I cannot completely let go off. Aside from the fact that I could die, I think it's too good to pass up.

Maybe that's why my dieting is going nowhere and my stomach and hips aren't smaller.

I always send him a good morning message. On some days, I send him a message before I eat lunch. Today, he sent me a really cute message. So cute that I smiled by myself while reading it.

"Eat lunch but not a bunch. Eat right so arms will be tight. Eat well so stomach won't swell. After you eat, wipe your mouth with tissue. Wish I'm eating with you, because I really miss you. Corny? Sorry. Back to reality. See you Saturdi.-

People don't know how sweet he is. Or maybe they do, they just refuse to believe it.

"Macy, you're da bomb!"were the words of my editor in chief. I pulled it off. The article that almost seemed impossible to write was done. Thank God I was obsessed with that show for a while so it wasn't so hard to come up with so-called trivia.

It was weird but comforting to be back in Studio 8. Something just keeps me wanting to go back, even if I really don't want to go back.

I had a stronger-than-usual Mudslide and it's going to make me sleep like a baby tonight. I love having dinner with the driving queens.

When I fall silent it means something is wrong. He knows it, even if I'm smiling. He knows I'm not alright. He says he can see it in my eyes. I try to smile wider, but he doesn't believe it.

The thing is, I always end up with the same situation. I'm sad because I'm scared that all my relationships might end up the same way. With me being left behind just because there are certain things I am not agreeable with. Does it have to be all or nothing?

Am I being difficult? Or am I just being real?

Twenty eight years ago, my parents got married on a beach. Twenty eight years later, they have four kids, two are supposedly now earning and two are about to finish college. I have to say, I ended up with pretty terrific parents.

I had a sick feeling in my stomach when I woke up today. I don't know if things will change because of last night. I'm hoping that they won't. He said something about keeping a special friendship, without compromising my limitations. I'm actually kind of relieved, because usually this is when the boy walks out of my life.

Whatever it is I'm afraid of, I don't think it should worry me. Or at least not yet.

I sat through one disc of Veronica Mars, in a very hot room with my electric fan blowing stale air. I wanted to finish the whole season, but after the first and third discs wouldn't play, I kind of gave up.

I'm waiting for that new entertainment show to come on because my friend's writing for it. She says they're practically just re-dubbing Ryan Seacrest. Oh well, I'm a sucker for gossip, anyway. Re-dubbed or not. Oh, and Wazzup is right after.

I was psyched to go back to training - after two weeks of not going. Then, I found out that since school is starting, the regular summer schedule of Tuesday and Thursday nights has been moved back to Monday nights and Wednesday afternoons. I can only go on Monday nights!

Things at work are starting to get hectic. We're brainstorming for the October issue this week, shooting cute boys this weekend and shooting the August cover next Sunday. We're launching the new website in a few weeks. The super boss came by my desk and said she's really excited for it.

I tagged along for behind the scenes pictures of the Clash President. He's really small. How cute that he remembered me from Wazzup. He told his handler that I dance pretty well -he hasn't seen me dance, but Vhong told him.

I was supposed to meet up with my favorite fruit but because I was being a brat, we ended up not even seeing each other. I got so pissed, I sent him a really cold message. What was I thinking?

He called me and I was silent for maybe half of our conversation - if you can call it that.

My friends in the office launched their new website today - or they're supposed to. I'm dreading the time two weeks from now when I'll be in the state they are in now. But the terrible thing about it is that I'm alone! I have no team!

We had cheesecake today. And cheesy fries, brownie a la mode and death by chocolate. We originally thought we had a discount because of our IDs, but apparently not. But who said that would stop us from enjoying dessert?

I love it when he says that he thinks of me when he's feeling low.

We brainstormed for our October issue today. Six hours just talking about what to put in the magazine, but it didn't feel like it. I wonder why I never enjoyed brainstorming this much for the show that I used to work for before.

We sat in traffic for almost two hours, shuttling from my office, to where my mom buys her pirated DVDs, to the mall and then to my brother's friend's house. At 9:30, I finally had dinner - lasagna made by my mom for my youngest brother, who turned twenty today. He's not a teen anymore. I'm getting old.

This is the closest I've been with any person in my life. And for that reason, I've never been as scared as this, ever. I always want to be the person who will never anger him, the one who will never give him reason to say, "I'm over this."I risk going home at four in the morning for the simple reason that I love the feeling when we're just in each other's arms. Not even talking, just hearing each other breathe. It's like there's no other place I would want to be at that precise moment but with him.

I find that as I grow older, the less I seem to care about occasions such as birthdays, Mothers' day, and Fathers' day. I used to be the type to go out and buy something as trivial as a card from Hallmark just so I can say, "I got this for you on this special day."These days a kiss, a hug and a greeting when I wake up in the morning is all I can come up with. Should I be bothered? Two years ago, I wrote about my parents in a national newspaper. This year, I did nothing.

I'm supposed to come up with around 15 layouts by tomorrow and I've already done 5. My eyes are tired and I think it's time to rest.

I left the office early to catch rehearsals for the concert - which is in less than two weeks. I wasn't part of the dance they rehearsed so I just sat and watched them practice. Some of them are leaving the country for the World Hiphop Championships. They went to the Embassy and all but two were granted their visas. I hope we raise enough money for them so they'll be able to go.

Thirteen layouts in two days! I'm all Photoshopped out. I still have to work on my newsletter for this week - and figure out why people keep unsubscribing. My newsletter is pretty! Why don't they like it?

I had lunch with a friend from my org today. She's my batchmate and we updated each other with what's going on with us. She asked about work. I told her how much happier I am now. It was a long overdue date that we kept talking about but never got to actually doing. It was worth going back to the office at 2pm.

Compared to yesterday, today wasn't as hectic. I basically just got all the old content and neatly filed them into new folders. Maybe tomorrow, I'll file them again according to the new site's sections. I don't know.

A nice glass of taro ice with pearls was a welcome break from dating my computer the entire day. I missed with the meriendakada because my YM refuses to work properly!

Before I went home, I sat down in front of the Mac and evaluated different boys. We categorized them into Yes, No and Maybe. I wonder if boys do this to girls.

After two weeks of missing training, I finally got to train tonight. We did a run through of the concert and I messed up pretty bad. I was lost and I kept bumping into people during change blocking. Time to step up! The concert is in one week and I'm only in one dance. It used to be two, but they're putting the two dances together. I guess I'm pretty grateful that they're not taking me out yet.

I also flipped through the July management copy today. I'm so elated. I can't wait for the magazine to hit the stands!

Whenever I get together with my high school friends, I always go home with a full stomach and an aching jaw. No matter how long we haven't seen each other, or how many we are, we always end up having fun. Tonight was no exception. Four couples, three singles, lots of food and hearty laughter. I always say that high school was probably the best four years of my life. Everything was so simple back then. Maybe that's why I enjoy working in Candy so much - because it reminds me so much of high school. Yeah, that must be it.

Third weekend of shooting the cute boys of 2006 today. Third Saturday we're coming in for work. I don't mind at all, because time with the girls in Candy is always so much fun. It doesn't feel like work. They always laugh at me because I know really kitschy Pinoy stuff - songs, movies and dubbed series.

After work, I hung out with him and had ice cream while he had dinner. I love hugging him! Almost to the point of crushing each other even. A friend asked me the other night if I loved him already. Honestly, I'm not sure.

Before we went to Mass in the morning, I read my article aloud to my dad. After I finished reading it, without prodding, he said, "Maganda."I couldn't ask for a better compliment than that, especially coming from my favorite boy in the world.

We had our cover shoot today, and for the first time, I had no problem about going to work on a Sunday. It was fun taking behind the scenes pictures and videos. I guess it helped that the cover stars were pretty wacky, too.

It'll be another month before we have another cover shoot. Can't wait.

Going to work for seven days straight finally took its toll on my body. When I woke up this morning, I wanted to go back to sleep. My limbs were aching and my head was throbbing. But I knew I had to go to work, so I did.

I also had training. It wasn't so bad tonight. I missed a few steps but I wasn't totally left behind. And I only bumped into a person once during change blocking. Ha! Concert is on Saturday and I don't know what to wear yet. I'm really excited though. I miss performing onstage.

I've kind of been floating this entire week. Maybe because I can't really juggle work and my extra-curricular (can I still use this even if I'm no longer in school?) activities. We're launching the new website in two weeks and I'm performing in a concert this weekend. I've been leaving work extra early to make it to rehearsals and I know there's still so much to be done for the website. But I am very confident that things will flow much better after this weekend. I made it to the last run through of the dances tonight. I love dancing.

Today was my mandatory day off. I still couldn't stay away from my office work, though. So I edited some content in the morning and checked my inbox. What a geek! I also made it to the afternoon training of the club. I am officially no longer lost, but I am now also the weakest among the dancers. I need to learn how to project (but what look!?) by Saturday. I'm almost always usually ok onstage. I can't do it when we're just rehearsing. I get shy. I visited Apols tonight. She got into a car accident over the weekend.

I had the intention of coming to work early, but my brother didn't come home so we didn't have a ride. There was so much to be done in so little time! My head was spinning by 3 in the afternoon after carefully resizing pictures of 135 cute boys - some not so. I didn't take a break because I thought I'd be leaving at around 8 or 9 anyway. But my ride came at almost 10:30! I was hungry, my head hurt and was generally in a sour mood. I haven't eaten dinner but I'm too tired. I'll just sleep.

Today was one of the most tiring days I've had this month, but also the happiest. The new site is almost done! Everyone loves it and I feel really good about it. I had so much stuff to do today and miraculously, I finished everything. Too bad I wasn't able to leave as early as I planned to so I completely missed blocking onstage for the concert. I got to the theater and was told that our moderator walked out because no one was on time - eep! We did one run and it was awful. Hopefully it's better tomorrow night.