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BY Davey H

03/01 Direct Link

MARCH WORD MARCH

When in the course of temerity-tainted time-wasting human events it becomes imminently plausible, even mandatory, to respond with poise yet with appropriate tinges of vitriol to outlandish, extortionate criticisms of those less fortunate, one of the responsive persuasion verily shuffles up to the proverbial yet tangibly felt soapbox, grasps her/his respective, non-proverbial bootstraps by the proverbial short-hairs, gives them a resolute tug, and ushers forth impassioned streams of well-intentioned and determined expostulations which, by their very resolve-backed nature, are well suited to the occasion at hand and audience-at-large, however minuscule the orator may at that time be.

03/02 Direct Link

COMPUTER MUTER:

Let's just say you surf away
and often let the crap in
then one day your head of mutton
will foray to hit that button,
only to have nothing happen.

Voila! The gig’s up,
and you’d better get hacking
because you didn’t keep up
with the diligent backing.
At that point
as you sit in your joint
you’ll realize that something is lacking.

Congrats, brats – you’ll see that that’s
a sign that things went awry;
and that old hard drive
is no longer alive
Hah! Better luck tamari!

Thus when it goes capoot,
you can just hit MUTE.
03/03 Direct Link
When driving, just drive.
When arriving, simply arrive.
When thriving, though, share.
After all, lacking gall, it is only fair;
for as Mom once said, “don’t dare
enthrall in a wealth snare.”

At least that’s what some say
of plethora of those
which out in the fray
act as such ‘NGO’s’
who claim to do good
and some do, if you would
but others, well, nobody knows.

Talking heads will advise
oh, that bunch in Ukraine:
well, to no one’s surprise
they are causing some pain.

But to us on the couch
in zombie affectation
we hasten to slouch
oversimplification.
03/04 Direct Link
Well, pardon the puerile piss outta me
if I bore you with this silly blurb:
man, (woman, too), that Jasmine Rose tea
was ever so mightily superb!

One thing we couldn’t help notice, Otis,
was that even when it was ‘cut’
with half straight green tea,
the delightful rose
and jasmine aroma
still kicked you in the butt;
it tickled both palate and nose, Homah;
best of all, we have a glut!

4 U C, one can never know
what the grate Davey
will up and throw.
4 it’s all in the game
of wordy non-fame;
quite frivolous and apropos.
03/05 Direct Link
Funny, sometimes you need
to write the year down.
That’s what she said
with a slight bit ‘o dread.

I agreed
with a simmering frown.

So it wasn’t funny,
that said my Honey
as she flung lots of paper piles down.

I lamented those old receipts and invoices
when she chewed me out
‘oer my frivolous choices:
not placing the year
on those papers, I fear
was an error that certainly annoys us!

Of papers in question
could I make a suggestion
before the next shuffling foray?
Please add the year
and month, m’dear;
not just the week or day.
03/06 Direct Link

S., RIP

Today was the day in '91
that we remembered our cousin
who tried with great pains
to blow out his brains
but then lived 'oer the months
say, a dozen.

Why, pray (or don't) did he pick
this date of March 6th?
What could the reason have been?
He had a young cousin
'twas born on the 5th
but he had rarely seen him.

When we saw cousin S
he had languished, I guess
and was fitted with giant thick glasses;
as the staff at the home
didn't leave him alone
and sure didn't sit on their asses.

03/07 Direct Link
ED, 2, RIP BLUE

Now what could be said
of that RIP Ed?
He also had done himself in.
By picking this date
what were we to relate?
Oh, the feeling was dreadful as sin.

His voluminous writing
and querulous wit
were at most times so disarming;
but down deep within
was a simmering bin
that had led to his last-ditch self-harming.

Not a lot we can say
of that final E-day
when he gave up his dread last breath growl;
but he left us, it seems
all his scribbling in reams
which we'll read to the very last vowel.
03/08 Direct Link
The SHED said: “I AM.
And it WAS and IS.
Thence is SHED story told:

The P-man brought it to completion
for his garden tool accretion.

P framed it up and boxed it in;
press-board walls were mighty thin.

Later were some windows added,
but I'm not sure the floor was padded.

Perhaps P had some trepidation
about the addition of insulation.

I noted his progress whilst staying aloof;
near done, I guess, with P laying on roof.

A spectacle to watch, indeed,
while morning Joe enjoying;
I stayed away, as per the need
so as not to be annoying.
03/09 Direct Link
Yet Another Day In The Strife

Indeed this day started out okay
whilst looking like it would suck;
but instead of balls dropping
we commenced to get hopping
with 'stuff' on our minds
we unclenched our behinds
and actually had some good luck!

Then, with a slight bit 'o trepidation,
we hit the friggin' road:
Pavement white, turning back to brown;
not contrite – they are layin' it down!
Thus on our autos CaCl2 will stick,
but it is far better than an ice slick!
Our daily salt, it is not their fault,
we will rust all the way to town!
03/10 Direct Link
King George On That Date

George was pictured crisp and pressed
in rolled up sleeves, he looked his best.
Posed for that shot so sharply dressed
at Heritage's droll behest.

The image would go on a calendar, see?
And fair George would ultimately
show his mug so verily
and flaunt his power frequently.

I wondered as he signed those bills
sundered pens with sharpened quills
he oversaw some drubbing drills
and parsed his words to radio shills.

Yes, Heritage was a foundation
that captured George's imagination.
He zapped them info 'oer the wire
hoping, lo, to preach to the choir!
03/11 Direct Link
But For Us

But for us, the average Schmoes
reading betwixt the lines;
we piss and cuss and scribble prose
whilst crooks set skew our spines.
Then, as now, as has ever been,
before the lens will retract,
we brood and scowl 'oer acid pen
at how it will all impact.

Look, you have no stinkin' choice
in how the history is written;
so best not raise your bellowin' voice
lest you be the one merely smitten.

Lay down those placards of protest
oh simmering, scowling fool;
this sh** won't change at your behest
what did you learn in school?
03/12 Direct Link
Well, Bust My Green Jeans!

I have neither heard nor seen
a thing so absurd as “Asparagus Queen”.
But alas it did pass
with hot gas unrelenting,
the green queen's morass
they'll be surely lamenting!

How demented was this phenom?

Here's an example of any given extant Asparagus Queen's pertinence to our current situation:

Gravestone timber friggin' jack
disk clone, dog bone, digging back.
1,3,4, oh go and pee
and don't give any flak!

Asparagus roots, well, they're in cahoots
with those never errant farm workers;
passing some gas, pull it up by the roots,
before beetles make some tearjerkers!
03/13 Direct Link

RADIOFF

Not waylaid, no tag, no hash.
In the shade with this radio trash!
Indeed, how many times
have I turned that thing on,
only to find this mind's
function thus gone?

Now that is a good question,
with no need to shout it;
but here's a suggestion:
do something about it!
Next time, oh rabble,
when you hear psychobabble,
rather than trying to tout it;
don't piss or scoff; hey, just turn it off,
then you've no need to reroute it!

For of a difference it makes not one whit,
so keep up resistance:
you don't give a sh**!

03/14 Direct Link
Thinking back to why they let Lehman fail:
my, oh my – someone lost their tail!
Here, man, paean to them I wail:

Sharpened pencil, at the tip
loss prehensile, sinking ship.
Glossy stencil, mortgage flip
Garnered when she'll have pursed lip

And then one dayI talked to Tom
to see how he had weathered
this bust-ass theft of greed and glom
to which he had been tethered.

He noted that he'd ridden out
this hellish nasty caper,
and also with a frown and pout
said “I still hold their paper.”

Seeing that Tom was not elated
Davey H commiserated.
03/15 Direct Link

Opined Andrew:
“Opinionated – it's such a bad feature;
you're desecrated, oh, gas-spewing creature!”

Moreover, he railed on, himself opinionated:

“Snow again in the forecast, my friend,
and it will be soon blowing in;
so you'd better get working
and cut out the shirking
lest the snow be on my foreskin!”

Thus ends yet another highly impolite expatiation of the Andymeister, whose exhortations have not previously been chronicled by the grate Davey H for 100 Words entries.
And as a point of reference, Andrew's streams of irreverent carbon dioxide emissions were rarely appreciated by the snowbound frozen munchkins of this place.

03/16 Direct Link

Scribblin' with wandering mind mined

China mine a giant Panda
You won't mind some propaganda.
And what a grand, uh, story it was!
Give 'em a hand-a just because.

But that story was a mere distraction
from the gory lion's action
whilst zookeepers' prompt bloody gaffe
did bring sure doom to young giraffe.

But then, as per this ever-wandering pen,
we scurry from that lion's den
then
plod and scribble here once again:

the distracted cat laid
down his hat
whilst hastening not to drop it;
then took a piss
on the floor like this,
and wouldn't even mop it.

03/17 Direct Link

“Do not,” they say, “Mix fruit and grains.”
“Screw blot.” I bray; won't take great pains.
Because that mixin' is what it takes
Yum! Blueberries fixin' with hotcakes!

So lots of things are common knowledge,
with or without flings of college,
but it won't matter what you eat,
your endless patter incomplete
and no matter what you bleat
surely, adder, the clock will beat

The foregoing food philosophy was no doubt proffered by a neatnik who, in her/his scrupulous efforts to organize a hopelessly disorganized state of affairs in the outside world, attempted to paste such meticulousness on her/his innards.

03/18 Direct Link

Continued: the rail regarding college,
it should entail imparting knowledge.
But is that four years' recompense
a substitute for common sense?

This one should be oh, so clear;
so listen up, my fledgling dear:
We know 'foil wrap' as 'tin foil'
though it should be noted here:
it's actually made of aluminum, goil,
and has been for many a year!

A four year stay to thee I bray
should sharpen up your schnoz;
and grant you skills you'll use today
no shills, and just because:
You'll work and earn
that's a sure requirement
for funds to burn in your 'retirement'.

03/19 Direct Link

“Whatever IS will be a WAS.”
 – Bhikkhu Bodhi.
And yes, 'Bhikkhu' is a REAL word.
Venerable, that Bhikkhu Bodhi!
And to him I listened intently
because indeed, well would bode he.

All that is will pass away
and become the 'was',
not here to stay
and no one need remind you, 'Cuz:
You and me, us, them, and they.

I will pass, as my trees and grass
those rusting tools and shattered glass.
I will go and not come back
the same, also, for machines in the shack.
And implements tucked in the shed?
Gone to thieves or otherwise DEAD.

03/20 Direct Link

Blank Page Somewhat Untitled

Here's yet another blank space filled:
will it get first place? 'Oer that we’re thrilled!
We'll continue this pace thus having shilled
whilst saving face with minds soon stilled.

We're compelled to tell you that's
a standard practice in the flats
and from society's gaggle of brats
were rescued many dogs and cats!

But what about turkeys, chickens and ducks?
The thought of them evokes “Aw, shucks.”
They deserve better than rides in trucks
or to be slaughtered for a few measly bucks.

Thus to finish this blank page
our hearts go out to that outrage.

03/21 Direct Link

HELLO, SPAM!
An obstinate spammer and Internet slammer
had discovered what hitting 'SEND' meant.
'Compose' did comprise
rancid prose we despise
though protected by our First Amendment!

But rather than hurt he
could query of QWERTY,
but for me:

I saved some 'Spam Classics',
and raved “they're fantastic!”
Like fat in pastrami well-marbled;
whilst in grammar so lax
and with wretched syntax,
they're a pastiche of nonsense that's garbled!

Oh, do they conspire us
to throw down a virus?
Or is it a bit more benign?
I won't detect
but will rather protect
this system that so far is fine.

03/22 Direct Link

Of the PATH taken by the holiest, 'thus-gone' arahants, and particularly the SAMASAMBHUDDHAS, it was noted by a fellow modern-day householder that, contrary to erroneous, inexplicably popular belief, such aforementioned attainments, let alone the extremely difficult sacrifices and penances required to bring them about, would not be possible, because, in her words:
“you wouldn't want to.”
The PATH and FRUITS obtained
are exceedingly rare in this world.

Thus, Davey notes the following quotes:
“I venerate and do not fake it;
no ifs ands or butts;
whilst admiring the path
that he mustered to take it;
man, that took some GUTS!

03/23 Direct Link

Bad habits, detest
and late hours working
yet that's when the best
seek to come out of lurking.

Thus putting the best to the test, we gorge;
now at your behest,
hey, I just saw old George!

And this George I just saw
he has very few teeth
dull pink gums in his craw
this to you I bequeath:
George, he works all his days
yes, he’ll never be done;
lost his teeth in the craze
indeed, soon he’ll have none!

So under George
I could have apprenticed
and on sugar gorge
whilst en route to the dentist.

The End

03/24 Direct Link

Got up, slurped a cup,
to the creak of the chair.
Didn’t go out, couldn’t go anywhere.
Yup, had to get up, had to go take a breather,
‘cause the book I was writing
that was NOT exciting
though pages were turning
not much was I learning.
It wouldn’t go anywhere either.

Things roll along, though, albeit not so greatly;
and we sing a fuel song
amid engine’s throb-throng,
have you seen those damn fuel prices lately?

Yeah, we’re doing okay, but not, say, “fine”;
as diesel today was $4.39!

Oh, that green dye?
It goes in the tank, guy.

03/25 Direct Link

TALK. Yes, that is correct.
And it is all we do.
To this one might object,
and they have a right to.
But one thing’s for sure, oh, and may I implore?
As the words rearrange,
it is at base mere chatter,
for nothing will change
so the talking won’t matter.

But talk if you will
and yap if you might;
cuss and spew swill
morning, noon and night.
You jaw-jacked in the past
and could well do so forever;
hey, not so fast – it’s a useless endeavor!

Homo sapiens has easy reach
as the only animal capable of speech.

03/26 Direct Link

Hurry up! Don’t wait!
But don’t worry, slurry, you are already late!

To hear that debate
you would think it just fine
with no need to berate
some damn Keystone pipeline.

It was just a plain tiff
that the tar sands operators
could spill that tar stiff
not to trifle with the ‘laters’.

Yet, as one snarky climate change denier
would likely prompt us to cogitate about this:

“The emissions from all mouths involved in this contentious imbroglio could very well dwarf the aggregate CO2 emissions of such tar sands, should their transport and eventual cumulative combustion come to fruition.”

03/27 Direct Link

Clove hitch dove ditch, windlass cove pitch.
Nobody reads, nay, let alone heeds,
so let’s just pull weeds – life’s a glitch!

But here’s a story I would like to tell Kory:

“There once was a man named Goddamnit
who waxed so defamed as to slam it;
though he was hell bent
on this message he sent
it meant all who saw him said “RAM IT!”

But that was now and this is then
I’ll show you how to piss again!
Thus it brings to mind for you
a scene that happened in ’82:
In the next post we will continue.

03/28 Direct Link

As for that tale I was telling you
that garnered a wail back in ’82:

Davey cussed and pissed
all over the place,
and be certain of this:
he sure had a red face!
He took thirteen piss tests in one year
lest he be drugged as per their fear,
but Davey, cocksure with each whiz,
did soon endure – with piss not his!

Meanwhile, colleague
and ace flame tamer Ed R.
made it a point
to put Davey on the hot seat
where he could be made to sputter.

A master of brazing,
Ed could get away with that nonsense.

03/29 Direct Link

Mom was in Die Fledermaus
oh, yes, that opera droll.
Much later, I saw a later mouse
that had scurried through a hole
behind a wall inside my house
it couldn’t have been a mole;
like any rodent, ‘twas a LOUSE
I wouldn’t soon cajole.

With no mouse concurrently
residing residentially,
I patched a hole behind the sink
whilst all the while a-bitchin’
that’s where they had come in, I think
makes sense, hell, it’s the kitchen!

Now this mouse’s tale unwinds
with squeaks and creaks and roars;
that house will be no longer mine
and neither is it yours.

03/30 Direct Link

This phenomenon was possibly written about previously, say, in February’s batch,
so unless any reader would be willing to collate, culminate, locate, extricate, and disseminate said possible errant redundancy from past expositions, here goes:

What came but a knock upon the door,
a wholly unexpected knuckle-bound roar!
Then behold, to bring me ostensibly
good friggin’ tidings, yo, couldn’t I see?

Hence, a well-dressed cadre predictably,
whom whilst filled with goodwill,
often generate ill,
but, hill, they are WITNESSES, see?

Their literature with familiar features
but sadly it must be concluded:
we’ll exonerate these faithful creatures
for being, sometimes, so deluded.

03/31 Direct Link
Johnny G, we assume, is doing just fine,
so here – hit ‘Zoom' – perhaps he’s on line.
Though we wonder out loud
’oer those games that he plays,
says he, tall and proud:
“here’s to the good old days!”

Oh, no need to elaborate
on those ‘old days’ so great
when ‘old’
these here days
means 2008.

Johnny, indeed,
had well weathered the storm,
of money no need
whilst holed up in his dorm
just flailing his games
and dating some dames
encircled with passion’s hysterical flames.

Yes, Johnny’s play station
without due hesitation
is youthful and still true to form.