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BY Davey H

04/01 Direct Link

But then, digging further into the text at hand, culled from “A Brief History Of Forestry”, even more voluminous sentences turned up, with the hands-down winner boasting an incredible 74 words!

One could say this type of writing is a real attention span tester. And the hell of it is, people didn’t need it back then.
They wrote on and read off of actual paper pages in natural light when such light was available. That means sun, son.

At night, of course, that was a different tale. Chances are most workin’ folks went to bed when the chickens did anyway.
04/02 Direct Link

The next day, shortly after 9 am,
Davey H went out after them.
Ground hard enough to drive on? Check.
Hot blackstrap molasses-slathered gruel prepared for immediate consumption? Check. Gas @ 3/4 full? Check.
Energy levels reasonable? Check.
Key in ignition? Check.
Turn said ignition? Check.
Ever-reliable engine responds vigorously? Check. Roll to job site? Check.
Take stock of situation and prepare to commence laboriously? Check.
Knock off by 1 pm? Check.
Roll down the road with radio off? Check.

So what the heck?
Remember this: you are just a SPECK.
Nevertheless, away you will peck,
with both hands on deck.
04/03 Direct Link

Much later, responding to an irresistible compulsion, Davey H, the progenitor of this series of batches/essays/posts, boasts that he indulged in serious consumption of sweets.
In other words, he gave his palate a nudge and gave a hop to the candy shop for a generous hunk of fudge.
Dayum! That place had more varieties of fudge and sweets than you could shake a candy cane at. So the choice was a tossup between penuche and vanilla walnut. Yeehaw! The winner? BOTH.
Then, fatefully, with an awful ‘CRUNCH’, a pre-molar crown fell out, mid-chew and threatened the gustatory sugariness.
Friggin’ OUCH!
04/04 Direct Link

So much for sugary fun. And THAT crown happened to have cost $2100.00.
“It’s too financially painful to go on flappin’ about it,” Davey H moaned.

No snow, no red ink. Go slow.
Try not to think. Do you know?
Can you blink?
Blink like February, that short-assed month.
Can you believe how fast it flew by?
It laughed at you, oh worker-dunce!
You tardy gal or guy!
Although February snow
contained perverse allure,
still quite hastily it did go;
a brief one, for sure.
So where would you know
where did the time go
although we had it before?
04/05 Direct Link

Aaron left as the house key in that tiny half-assed bird feeder by the front door, just like he said he would. And that was good ‘cause we were in the ‘hood where neighborhood watch was no doubt extant, so ‘suspicious’ is something you CAN’T.

On March 1, son, before anything was done,
Davey H, in accordance with his views
turned off the dreadful news.
Yes, that he did choose, fair reader, he imbues
that aforementioned news
had nothing he could use.

Slightly later, he swerved to dodge potholes in delightfully rough roads as the car’s radio crackled with static.

04/06 Direct Link

If you read that riposte, have no fear;
don’t go gettin’ touchy-feely now, hear?

Before and after 9/11, it was and is a known fact that over 30,000 flights a day take off and land without incident. But the only one you’ll ever hear news about is the one that crashed. Or maybe the ones that had major ‘mechanical malfunction’ leading to impromptu landings or emergency measures.

Eager bloodthirsty viewers line up to witness what they hope is carnage. A little blood here, some bits of bone there – you know, the same stuff Indy spectators flock to the races for.

 

04/07 Direct Link

You will interact with thousands of people in life,
but regrettably the ones you remember most vividly are flaming gas bags.

Meanwhile, Henry was enjoying a refreshing renaissance lately and would be damned if anything was going to stand in the way.
First order of business, therefore, each day,
was to get out of bed,
shake the cobwebs from head
and head out into the fray.
Yes, ‘twas work to be had
in good times and bad,
right here in this renaissance version;
and it shall come to pass
‘tis best to bust ass
in a cauldron of healthy immersion!

 

04/08 Direct Link

Whew! These rough roads of spring

increase loads on each thing

before you have gone very far;

so were those wheels adjusted

before you had busted

the poor underside of your car?

Now hear this with no bliss:

As you sit on your ‘tocks

you'll bust both springs and shocks.

 

Davey H sniveled and proclaimed

“Aw, shucks,”

Hey, the road less traveled

is a road that SUCKS.”

And yes, said road

will take much longer

‘cause the pace is slowed,

but hey, it makes you stronger!

So that is why, no need to guess

that cobbled road is traveled less.

 

04/09 Direct Link

We interject this bit ‘o nonsense to inform any and all readers that a search for Chopin’s 'variations on Lucido D’Amano' performed by Emmanuel Ax turned up zero results.

How long will you linger when life gives you the finger? What’s your hope, misanthrope?

A silly pun is just a pun; a good one soothes the soul; yet if a pun is overdone, you need some PUN CONTROL.

Friday, anyway: “Live in the moment,” the soothsayer said, hashing and rehashing ancient wisdom that wasn’t really his. He just felt justified in presenting it as if he had invented the idea.

04/10 Direct Link

A follower of the soothsayer took the teachings to heart, some of which involved minimizing ‘stuff’ or ‘de-cluttering, the implications of which (surprise!) spilled into the spiritual realm. At this point the reader of this thread may yawn, “so, what’s the point?”

Well, the point is blunt: minimizing has minimal value. In the end, the follower minimized his partner right out of his life and infuriated his work colleagues with his one sentence replies.

Yes, brevity has its place, but in this case, the minimalist would have been better with a cluttered fetter; at least that way he’d save face.

04/11 Direct Link

With snow that’s too heavy to shovel

we go and hole up in our hovel.

The skies are so gray

that it’s not fun to play,

so we’d rather just sit ‘round and GROVEL!

Trying out this orange ink. (Blackened here out of necessity). Please don’t pout. So what do you think? Whoops! This turned out messily!

If you wait for perfect weather,

too late, you won’t get together.

Before too much more time passes,

please put on your pinhole glasses.

They’ll help, not hurt; that’s no surprise;

for what’s needed for eyes is exercise,

not laziness (that they despise.)

04/12 Direct Link

It was Sunday and Davey H was getting his typical late start. But that was okay;
‘twas lazy Sunday.
That said, ‘twas out of bed,
then retch and fetch some tools from shed.
But he left bereft before face was fed.

“I’d best git ‘er done,
 though it isn’t much fun, son. 
 If I don’t, my ass is dead,” he said.

But then someone asked,
“what do you do with your time?”
And thus he was tasked
to reply with a rhyme:
“Well, you might tell
I’m not early enough
to wrest free of this knell
and complete useful stuff.”
04/13 Direct Link

We interject this bit ‘o nonsense to inform any and all readers that a search for Chopin’s 'variations on Lucido D’Amano' performed by Emmanuel Ax turned up zero results.

How long will you linger
 when life gives you the finger?
 What’s your hope, misanthrope?

A silly pun is just a pun;
a good one soothes the soul;
yet if a pun is overdone,
you need some PUN CONTROL.

Friday, anyway: “Live in the moment,” the soothsayer said, hashing and rehashing ancient wisdom that wasn’t really his. He just felt justified in presenting it as if he had invented the idea.
04/14 Direct Link

With less time for the ‘Net,
and a need to leave the house
thus haven’t made a dollar yet,
can’t do it with a mouse!”

After all, Davey H added wryly,
he was more of a paper shaper
than a mouse louse.

Besides, if he was going to sit on his tukus, he would rather meditate.

And then tonight it was only right
to squeeze in a car wash
by gosh
in the dwindling light.

Ahhh, the sweet taste of success!
That in the form of the aforementioned strut replacement, which, he did bitch, while arduous, was brought to completion!
04/15 Direct Link

A Man-Tooth Ballad

When Darius Blakey jumped out of bed,
he felt a bit flaky in his tousled head.
Alarmed, quite distraught,
he hen commenced to shout:
“Yikes! I’ve been caught!
A front tooth has come out!”
He could not put it back
though he gave it his all,
for you see it had cracked
when he got in a brawl.
With a busted-ass tooth,
what was he to do?
Should he be uncouth
and find someone to sue?
In the end, of course,
it would cost many a buck,
thus with toothless remorse
he was sh** out of luck.
04/16 Direct Link

The foregoing limerick was a decidedly fictional account of one man’s dental struggle and loss – with or without friggin’ dental floss.
But that man had the loss
whether or not he was his own boss.
 
Dental insurance – a joke if ever one existed – would have chipped in (pun intended) a pittance toward the cost of an implant for Mr. Blakey. Still, this thought had not yet implanted itself in his flaky Blakey mind.
 
So he had a plan, man,
and would scrape together what he could find
then off he would go to Mexico
before he got too far behind.
04/17 Direct Link

“Damn, that’s uncouth
seven grand for one tooth!”
spat Blakey so various and sundry;
“Although it’s my bane,
I’ll go jump on a plane
and it’s off to that hot southern country!”

‘Twas no need to think twice
of the American price,
common buck-sense to him, you and me;
Mexico would suffice
and the weather was nice
thus a re-toothed Blakey he would be.

Editor’s note: this riposte that he wrote
may have made him look just a bit ‘mental’;
was this only a drill?
Or was he a shill
for averting a disaster dental?
 
[Thus ends Bleaky’s great indenture]
04/18 Direct Link

“Where does all your money go, son?” Bing’s father asked.
It was approaching 1:00 am and Bing had just returned from a boisterous bachelor’s bacchanal – one of many such activities this time of year.

Bing’s lips quickly went south from their former sh**-eatin’ grin upturned position. He thought ‘what a way to greet your progeny!’ But he kept his newly saddened mouth shut. 
On the upside, Bing also thought, at least his father hadn’t hit him. No, that form of martial punishment was not in the cards.
Bing’s father was understandably miffed about Bing’s trajectory;
[2B continued next post]
04/19 Direct Link

here was a 20-something with great potential
who seemed to be frittering his money – and his precious youth – away.

As a point of reference to the uninitiated, Bing’s immediate family stayed connected with the very close-knit Vietnamese community whose elder generation had seen the horrors and deprivation of war. Now, having been given the opportunity to live free in the land of their former enemies with the chance not just to be alive but to THRIVE, was a blessing indeed.

Let’s think about that for a second. Those folks would say “been there, done that, don’t wanna go back!”
04/20 Direct Link

Meanwhile, at the bi-monthly volleyball matches with his mostly white suburban friends, Bing felt freedom from the constrictions of hard work his seniors seemed ready to impose on him.
The insouciant partying was only a side effect, he assured them; monetary and career success would arrive in due course, as indeed it eventually did.

“So don’t worry, Dad;
a good time will be had,
and I’ll be a good guy and not bad;
Also you should know
that I’ll have lots of dough,
so, hey, you know, please don’t be mad!”

So Bing slammed volleyball
and trips to the mall.
04/21 Direct Link

Infamous was this date
suicide of a brother
who could have been great
and he was like no other.
Guess he couldn’t wait.
Such grief he brought his mother!

Davey H here interjects the tidbit
that he drives a 22 year old car,
hoping against [not dashed] hope
it will love long and go far.
The trusty old radio tough as whip leather
still plays music, news, and the weather.
Davey H recently worked off his butt
replacing the busted right rear strut.
For 3 years running the check engine light’s on,
but he’s resolved to run ‘til it’s gone.
04/22 Direct Link

Davey H tends to learn things the hard way, and he has learned the hard way
that his teeth aren’t very hard.
In fact, they’re quite brittle,
despite his refraining from fluoride consumption.
Just as one learns how things are put together by taking them apart, Davey notes, “you find out a lot about your teeth by breaking them.”
Not too smart.

Out in the drive the wheels are still frozen; then off on the path he all have chosen, conditioned, yes, to the spirit of winning, but, I guess, these old wheels are just spinning. So what? No smut.
04/23 Direct Link
Yes, Davey is grinning, and he would like some (whatever), BUT he grew tired of sinning.
To that end, friend, Davey H hunkered down;
for with much work to do
and remaining ‘small town,
he just had to pursue
and try not to frown.

In the news elsewhere, much mention is made of the Koreas, north and south. Of course, the North gets slam-dunk, flat-out negative reviews. Not a word is ever uttered in the MSM about Allied atrocities inflicted upon the Koreans during – you guessed it – the Korean War. Moreover, nobody knows what THAAD is. Or what BAD is.
04/24 Direct Link

THAAD (Terminal High Altitude Area Defense) is the warmongering global ruling elite’s missile defense system – one that we NEVER hear about – which is for all intents and purposes permanently parked, some say without permission, on Korean land. First strike capability is what’s needed, you understand? ‘Nuff said.

Meanwhile, back in the vicinity of the Big Apple, trends analyst Celente riffs on what is buoying the stock market bull bubble: stock buybacks, to begin with. These big bucks activities do not necessarily benefit you, oh SMALL investor. But you are an important cog in the burgeoning  machine they call the market.
04/25 Direct Link

When you go out and hit the road
astride your 4 wheeled savior,
regardless of your requisite payload
you’d best be on your best behavior!
Hey, you’ll get there;
you’re doing just fine,
amid the cars and trucks;
just be sure to stay in line
although the traffic sucks!

Now here’s this:
Everything is an ‘oppo’
They all hate each other
and can never agree on ANYTHING.
Yes, they hate a bunch,
wanna eat each other’s lunch,
and cut each other’s throats
but will drown in each other’s moats.
Of time this s*it is wasteful
not sublime, and quite distasteful.
04/26 Direct Link

Oh, dudess or dude: interruption is RUDE!
And that is how and why it goes;
Like so many guys
MSM does despise
this guy doesn’t watch those shows.
For info-tainment you may be wishin’
but it’s feign-ment of superstition.

Wowed but not cowed
not attached to his views,
Dennis G. vowed not to listen to news.
Not keeping or steeping
in worldly affairs,
he cursed with some bleeping,
a haughty “who cares!?”
An exclamation point
followed him out of the joint;
from his ass gas was passed.
He had made his point clear;
as his cohorts, aghast, did fast disappear.
04/27 Direct Link

Well, oy-vay – another Monday!
So squeeze the tube,
let out the ointment;
for it is with dismay
that we hasten to say
that we just missed a dental appointment!

Davey H is reticent
about an email that wasn’t sent,
so no recipient, although it was well-meant.

Oh, shut up, you radio chatter! We’re fed up and you no longer matter. Our ears shut voluntarily, and that’s not automatic; because we’ve listened wearily to your news, wars, and static. Enough guff. Put on an ear muff. Let’s go outdoors with dogs on all fours and get some fresh air and stuff!

04/28 Direct Link

Outside we will go in the perilous snow
so deep that it becomes a pain;
as much snow has fallen
and our plow is a-callin’
as we traverse the treacherous terrain.

Whatever happened to the proverbial ‘little engine that could’?
That story could resonate most anywhere and spawn many a tangent.

For that matter, where did all those faithful small engines end up after their tenure of service? How terribly sad to let them go!

For starters, take the stalwart power unit on Dad’s old push mower, sporting stellar performance every season with rarely a hiccup.

It had such personality!

04/29 Direct Link

When running full throttle, it would intermittently sputter, settling into its own quirky rhythm: BDROOM, BDROOM, up and down, in and out.
You get the picture.

It just couldn’t seem to smooth out those highs and lows.

In hindsight – a characteristic reputed to be 20:20, the throttle ‘vibrato’ may have had something to do with uneven crankcase pressure and how it was tied into the carburetor; moreover, the ‘breather tube’ could have had some outside air infiltration.

Regardless, we can assume the blade could still achieve the requisite 3000+ RPM to cut grass, as indeed it would have had to.

 

04/30 Direct Link

That old blade housing and deck were stout cast aluminum, presumably, and bore no name – or none intelligible  anyway, unlike today’s mowers whose manufacturers splay loud decals on every flat surface.

The whole machine was well worn
and stained up with the frass
of many a summer’s grass.
Chlorophyll, if you will,
and that gave the old push mower some class!

On a sunny summer day
BDROOM BDROOM BDROOM!
Old mower was at play,
sweeping it up like a broom.
Dad he could depend
on his old dear lawn mower;
before each summer’s end
that grass could be cut lower!