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A miracle. An amazing, bright, tiny miracle. Who knew 40 weeks of waiting would end up being the biggest lifechanging miracle in my life? Before this special moment; I was a drug addict, without a care in the world. Many late nights at the club with many questionable characters. Staying out all night spending unmentionable amounts of money on booze and drugs. Never once thinking about the consequences of my actions, until I laid eyes on my miracle. All at once, I knew it's time to change. Now I work, attend college, and have put away all those immature things.
Attending college, after being out of school for 11 years, is extremely nerve wrecking. At first, you don't know what to expect. Will my professors like me, will I be able to keep up with the younger students, how can I manage work and school with all the craziness of my everyday life? I am grateful that my college has many tools for people who graduated years ago. The New Student Orientation helped to settle my nerves and they answered many questions I had about my big return to college. Now I feel more confident and excited for this journey.
Karma. You see a stranger drop $20. What should you do? What if that stranger was you? Would you notify this stranger or would you take the money and walk away? When I see that bum on the side of the road, I often wonder, what did they do that karma would punish them with no home, no bed, no security, etc. When driving, the car that cuts you off catches the red light, or even better gets a ticket. I honestly believe that the good choices you make today will have an impact on the karma you hold tomorrow.
With Valentines Day around the corner, I have thought more and more about what love is. It's not about money or status, I think love is more about the people who are there, the support they give you, and how they got your back no matter what. We express love with hugs and kisses, but sometimes words can be just as comforting. How is it people stay married for 50 plus years? Love. How are we able to forgive the unforgiveable? Love. What's the one thing every human needs to survive? Love. Love is patient, kind, forgiving, and forever strong.
My Grammy. Oh how she is missed. Even after these 7 years, I can still remember her as if I'd seen her yesturday. Her short curly brown hair, glasses, and I will never forget those hugs. She was the glue that kept our family strong during our struggles. She was always there to offer advice or just listen. She would've given any of us her last, because we were her family and that's what families do. I am sad because my son will never know what this world was like with Grammy, but I am positive she watches us everyday.
I heard on the news, about a father accused of killing his wife, had died in a house explosion with his two young sons. Police say it was a murder/suicide. Apparently, he was going to lose custody of his children and couldn't handle the thought of being without them. The question remains in my head; did he or did he not murder his wife? Would he take his own life because of the stress of being accused?? Or was he feeling so guilty, he couldn't live with himself? This story just breaks my heart. So many why questions left.
My brother. Wow, so many stories! Growing up in a fatherless household, with a mother constantly working, and a sister who just didn't care must have been quite a struggle. He fought through his own personal battles to become one of the best men I know. After the birth of his son, he knew it was time to work harder, get an education, and find a career he could be happy with. I never knew how much his relationship to me means, but now that we are grown, I can't imagine life without him. He makes me want to succeed.
The snow falls and falls and falls. The wind chill is below freezing. Roads are closed. We are stuck at home, which at first isn't bad, until the electricity goes off. The cold can be felt down to your bones. My first thought is to try to stay and fight winter, but after a night of candles and liqour and NO warmth, I chose to challenge mother nature and leave my home. Digging my car out was no fun at all, but after hours of work, my car was free! Then off I was, finding a warm place to stay.
I awoke this morning to the unfortunate news that my Nana didn't make it through the night. She was elderly and the nursing home said she suffered a stroke in the night. It has been years since I have seen her. When her husband, Papa John, died she moved out of state with her son. Even though dementia had taken over her mind, I won't forget her love for all of us. She made the best lasagna and home-made bread. She had a warm heart and a caring soul. She was loved by many and will not be forgotten.
Tooth pain has got to be one of the worst pains ever. My other half seems to always have teeth problems. When he was a growing teenager, his wisdom teeth were never taken out. So, now that he is all grown up, his wisdom teeth are pushing all his teeth together causing him the maximum amount of pain. Seeing him hurt, makes me hurt. I wish I could magically make him feel better. He doesn't want to spend the money to fix his teeth. He's always looking for the cheap, easy way out. He needs to take care of himself!
Growing up, my parent's were divorced. My dad moved around a lot with the Air Force and was not around for a large part of my young childhood. My mom worked a whole lot to support my brother and I. When I was about 12 years old, I got the chance to reconnect with my dad and it has been great ever since. He lives in Nebraska with my step-mom and his "babies" (puppies). My world has definently taken a turn for the best having my dad be a part of it. I am greatful for everything he's done.
My long, lost cousin is coming to visit me in a month. She is 15 years old and she reminds me a lot of myself. Being a teenager is tough for everyone, but for me it was awful. I didn't respect any of my authority. I thought everyone hated me and my life was worth nothing. I was involved at a young age with drugs, which did not help at all. I am glad those years are over. Being an adult and having my son has changed the way I look at things. He has changed me for the best.
The time has come for me to seriously start thinking about my future. I need to pick a major so I can come up with a master plan to get my education mapped out. I have many different interests, so I'm taking a lot of skills tests to narrow down what would fit me. I want to make the best decisions. I feel I'm late in the game by starting college at 29 years old, with no time to waste. I wish I would've known years ago how far an education can take you. Better jobs, more money, and security.
Valentines Day. Wow. Time flys! Just a year ago I was unemployed, depressed, without a clue on how to get my life together. Now I am confident that whatever I do with my life, I will succeed. I got off that couch in search of the real me. My views and opinions change as I grow and learn, but I will stay true to the real me. Becoming an attribute to not only my community, but to those around me. I want to be a role model. I want people to see me as someone they want to be like.
I am sick today and don't feel to much like doing anything. I take Dayquil hoping it would boost my energy up, but I can barely get out of bed. I know I'm truly sick when I don't watch TV or play on the internet. I just want to hide from the world today! Nose running - check; Fever - check; Can't keep anything down - check!!!! Oh Mr. Flu, how I hate you!!!! When I'm feeling good, I don't think to wear a jacket or even take my vitamins regularly. I guess procrastinating until I got sick should teach me a lesson!
I sometimes wish I had constant stream of video on my life. At times it would be drama and much of the other time it would be hilarious! My baby is the funniest kid ever! He dances around and walks slowly backward; looks like Micheal Jackson! He likes to play hide and seek and peek a boo! His bright eyes and shining smile are so precious!!! I know that God put him in my life to make me laugh! He will pass gas and look to see if you heard. Maybe one day he'll grow up and be a comedian.
A lady came into my job the other day who had been married 55 years. I haven't met anyone like that in a long time. People are too quick to break up and move on. The question I have is how much crap do you deal with? I know being married 55 years would put a person through almost everything! You would have to be an honest and forgiving person to stay with someone for all those years. She was an inspiration of what love should be. She said she takes care of him and he takes care of her.
Here recently we have been having some beautiful weather. It makes me think of days like this years ago and the cookouts my family used to have. My Grandad would prepare the homemade guacamole and margaritas. My Grammy would be working in the kitchen preparing all the meats, side dishes, and desserts with my Nana. My Granny would be playing SkipBo or Rummikub with a group. The kiddos would be running around playing in the country fields that surround Grammys house. It has been along time since those wonderful days and I can remember some details like it was yesturday.
When I was 12 years old, I was a hard headed, my way, pre teen. I had no respect for myself. I was on a serious road to distruction. A family friend suggested to my mom that I get away from my environment and start over somewhere with more structure. She agreed and I was sent to Boys Town. It was a large community of educated, well respected adults trying to make a safe place for children and teens. I am greatful my mom made me go. It completely changed who I was and made me a much better person.
Another wet and rainy day today. Ugh! I don't want to do my homework, housework, or any work for that matter. I am always looking for my time to relax and it never pans out. Life is super busy and I'm trying to enjoy it. I wonder, when I get older will time slow down? Every day just flies by. I got a large to do list everyday and sometimes don't even finish that. With all my stuff I rarely sit down to relax. I'm up and running when my eyes open in the morning until they close at night.
Being grown with responsibilities makes you miss your young years. Having a job, a family, and an education to worry about constantly keeps my mind racing. I barely remember the days living under my parents rule, with no rent and no big responsibilities. However, I do miss being carefree. Being grown has it's advantages. You create your own rules for your own lifestyle. When things get tough you have to buckle down and handle business. Sometimes I wish I had a weekend free of responsibility, but that will never happen. I guess I'm whining today, because I need a break!
Today is a beautiful warm day. I really wish I could enjoy the day, but my son is sick. I look out the window to see bright, beautiful sunshine. It's funny how the sun gives me energy and the cloudy days make me sleepy. My baby follows me around all day. We play a knock knock game, but can't go outside. I'm sure he will feel better just in time for bad weather! I seem to always have bad luck and timing when I want to do something. I'm planning a family vacation and hopefully everything will go my way!
I know I'm maturing when saving money sounds better than buying new things. For years I have been behind on the bills, always making late payments with late fees. Spending freely from my wallet until all funds were gone. Finally, at age 29, I am over it! I want to pay my bills on time and have money put up for an emergency. It has taken a long time to find a comfortable balance, but it's time to stop worrying about eviction and bills being cut off. I want to enjoy my money and not have to worry about bills.
"Stop and smell the roses." A quote many of us have heard, but rarely take a break and truly enjoy life. With work and family, I can see why we are all so busy. There's always something to do when you have a family. The house needs to be cleaned, the laundry needs washed, the family needs dinner, and on and on. I am trying to plan a solid vacation, but sometimes it seems so far away. I worry since this is the first vacation I paid for. I want everything to be perfect. Am I asking for too much?
It occured to me in a dream last night that I'm a great story teller. I'm starting to think if I put more effort into telling the story, I can become a better writer. Personal narrative definently is not my favorite writing style. I like to write things that hold value and teach lessons. A story so compelling it truly changes the way you look at things. I need a dose of creativity and I think that will kick start my good writing. I brainstorm the best right before bed, when my world is quiet and their are no distractions.
When you are telling a story, the way you begin can shape the way your story is told. If you start with "Once upon a time...", the reader may think this story took place a long time ago. If you begin your story with a joke, the reader can assume the story will be funny. If you start your stories with a bang, people may find your story adventurous. The best story tellers send you down a path, then the story takes a turn. The turn is drastic and makes the story come alive. You should catch the unexpecting audience.
After you have had a major turn in the story, it's time to unleash your hidden weapons. These can be relating details that bring on the "WOW" factor. It's like when you see a couple get married, then the next scene is the husband and the best maid together. You say to yourself, "WOW!" Getting that reaction can take some creative work. You are always looking for something that hasn't been done before. The most creative go on to change your story or add important details. Most stories will have a happy ending, but getting there is the real fun.
I am eager to learn new ways of writing this semester in English. Reading and writing have never been my favorite subjects, but the more I learn the more interested I get. Most of the time I get overwhelmed, because I want my story to be so much, but to me it's always missing something. I want the reader to get lost in my stories excitement. I want to write about things that make you wonder. I know I've read a good story when I'm daydreaming about what happens next. I'm going to try new writing styles and get creative.
With this year being a leap year, it has felt like a long February. This will be my last entry for now. I am seriously thinking about doing another month, but my 100 words will tell a story. I want to write something compelling that makes you all think about my story and wonder what should happen next? I love writing about drama, but I definently know how to have fun. Some of my entries were kind of blah to me, but others really let me express myself. This was a great learning experience. Life is good, God is great.
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