March 19, 2011
I try to explain everything all the time, over and over again until I want to gaffa-tape my own mouth up. Like at lunchtime, I kept starting every sentence with 'I'm happy, I am happy, but...' (people started getting pissed off, Ella told me to shut up). Maybe I'm not happy, and I'm trying really fucking hard to convince myself and others that I am. Mostly, I didn't want people to think I was whining/self-pitying. I also realised I'm way to obsessed with happiness. This is when I want to shut myself up. But I just can't shut up, so you'll have to deal with it for the rest of the batch. Hell, maybe you'll even understand.