December 6, 2019
In this new place where he's settling, he's brought four things: his mother's love and disappointment, his father's absence, and the ghost of his past happiness. He knows he needs to let all of these go, but holding on keeps him together—as if changing the smallest thing will cause him to disintegrate, never to be put back the way he is now. And why does he like the way he is now? Does he even like himself? On some days, yes. On some days, no—but he regards these days as more important. They keep him on his toes.