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A Mystical Leaf of Sufi Afro Zen
Today she turned seven years old.
There was more than enough food for everyone. Too much food and too many drinks.
It was like a feast, yet I felt slightly embarassed knowing that everyone knew I was still jobless and the big marital issue.
Everyone tried to hide this knowledge, but I could tell that everyone knew.
Hermano took me out to the front of our flat and tried to persuade me into some job options and career moves, but my mind has already been made up.
I need to go away from here for a little while.
I say that I've made my final decision to leave South East Asia for awhile and go back to the so called good old West, when I know that there is nothing good about the West at all.
There is the usual promises of gold, fame and success, but in the end alot of people are left in the desert of disappointment.
I talk about completing my A.A and possibly going for my bachelor and master degree knowing that the guarantee of finding work in the field I desire isn't guaranteed.
Degrees seem to be higly prized in foreign countries.
I did not want to ever see my managers face ever again, after I was relieved of my duties from my pseudo job. He sent me an SMS a few days ago stating that I couldn't get my last pay check if I didn't turn in my staff i.d.
I thought I would keep it as a souvenir.
They probably thought I'd use it to watch free movies.
I went to my old job early in the morning to avoid seeing his ugly face, and there he was coming out the taxi, with his dreadful energy and fake compassionate poise.
Two hearts in one.
Tears flow down their cheeks like fresh active rivers, sadness and wailing could be no deeper than this.
Maybe after all the tears were gone, all healing would come and that things would be realized as to the reasons why I had to go from this place.
The desert heat is harsh, yet a rose still manages to bloom, despite its surroundings.
Some wonder why it does not wither away, but no one questions its belief, faith and what language it speaks.
Oh desolation leave my heart now, and take my sorrows and pains with you.
Before you make a move, you do as much research as you possibly can about your decisions.
Life can be like a game of chess.
If you make the wrong move, you can jeorpadize everything.
If you make the right move you can win the game.
But life isn't about winning or losing.
Life is about making choices. We are where we are because of choices we made.
Once we make our choices and take our hands off the piece, there can be no turning back or having regrets.
We can only live with our choices or make new ones.
I can understand why it is said in parables and scriptures that the things we strive for in this world is baseless. Mainly because we will not live on Earth forever.
So what if we become rich, posessing all the fruits of our labor.
When we die, our work accounts for nothing if it's not passed on or if the government or the banks seize your property and riches, because there was no family member there to claim it.
We would be better off being masters of our lower desires and this material world than being victims of these things.
I saw the Reaping, where the girl who was assumed to be a devil girl was actually an angel.
The scientist in the movie had an explanation for everything and denied that events that were taking place were related to scriptures and the end of times. This is how scientists think today.
There is no God they say, and then they ask you to prove that there's a God.
Why doesn't anyone ask them to prove the Big Bang theory, which is just a theory, or that man evolves from apes, but apes are still living?
Why haven't they evolved?
Is true history hidden in symbolism?
Or should I say is some history hidden in symbolism?
Symbolism like the hieroglyphics or ancient paintings from centuries ago.
Is it possible that some ancient texts were misinterpreted or purposefully made to look bogus to hide an even deeper truth?
Why is truth hidden from the masses of people, and why do some people discourage us from seeking the truth and answers to questions?
Why are some people killed when they are close to the truth or when truth is discovered and the discoverer desires to reveal the truth?
Darkness envies the light.
I wondered why when people speak of the Jews, they refer to the ones in Israel, but no one talks about the Black Falasha Jews in Ethiopia.
I'm quite sure that there is a large percentage of people who never heard of a Jew being Black. Maybe they should dust off their Bibles and read it.
I never realized that the Psalms consists of five books. I often wonder what the Psalms sound like in Hebrew or in Arabic.
I marvel at how widely available world news is today comapared to ancient times.
But world news is not always true.
Do you want freedom?
Have you ever considered seeking independence versus dependence?
If you want to be independent, some work and sacrifice will be involved. Are you still interested?
There is various levels of independence.
There is financial independence, independence on a level of self mastery and then there is the indepencence of isolation. Isolation from humanity that is.
Financial independence will free you from debts and dependence on men for borrowing. I cannot guarantee you a successful business that will free you from poverty.
It would be far easier, yet difficult to make yourself free from want and desire.
Is Hip Hop a culture?
I ask this question because I noticed how the word is often attached to Hip Hop.
Is Hip Hop a way of life? Is it something you wake up to and adhere to?
Culture usually depicts the way a group of people live their lives on a day to day basis wich also contains a set of beliefs.
To answer this question maybe you would have to listen to the lyrics of Hip Hop where you can learn about police brutality, oppression, wicked governmnets, abortions, modern prophecies, ancient history and distant stars on different planets.
I walked by that pet shop I always see on the bus, but never managed to pass by. I thought there was a restaurant next door that sold black peppered chicken rice, but I was wrong.
The birds and rabbits saw me through their cages and I wondered if an animal or bird in a cage felt the same way that a prisoner felt in prison.
Does a bird released from its cage feel the way a prisoner released from prison feels?
The prisoner still has to face the prison of the world, the bird has to face hungry crows.
There was more heavy rains today.
During and after the khutbah at the mosque more heavy rains came down from the sky.
It was not unusual to see everyone roll up their pants legs to escape large puddles that in some cases went up to the ankles.
Later I saw a man who may or may have not been an angel on a bicycle, waiting patiently for the rain to stop. and also looking dead into my eyes.
Telepatically I asked the question, "are you an angel?" Becasue if you are, I am in need for some real serious blessings.
Why do children get frustrated when it comes to problem solving?
What may seem easy to adults is not easy to children.
I played tick tack toe with a seven year old girl. Several times I tried to explain how she was supposed to prevent me from getting three in a row. Her main focus was on winning, not on strategy.
I know that the mind and brain of children is still in the process of developing.
Even in our adult stages of living, we can still advance and develop our minds too.
After all things, the mind is infinite.
It's good to ask yourself questions about your religion if you have one.
Questions like, why do you believe what you believe?
Do you believe because of something you read in a book, or because what somebody who held a religious stature told you?
Or do you believe because of a vision, or dream you had, or a close call with death?
Do you believe because of something you feel deep down in your heart, or because of a knowing that is known beyond an explanation?
Or do you believe something and don't know why you believe?
Keep asking questions.
What is man?
Webster states it is an adult who is not a boy.
Uncle Sam says that a man is a man when he reaches 18, but says, "go serve your country boy!"
In some societies, a man is not a man until he kills his first anmal, or kills another man in battle.
Some women equate a man who is able to pay all the bills or satisfy her in bed.
Some men equate a man to how many pounds of weight he can lift or how big his balls are.
What is the purpose of man?
My daughter's school called me stating that I did not state what my occupation was on her application.
What is your occupation sir?
What difference does it make I wondered.
What do you mean what is my occupation?
Do you mean where do I work?
What degree did I get at some university?
Or do you mean what occupies most of my time?
I told her I was an artist and she did not seem to understand, so I wondered if I needed to say it in French or Chinese.
What is an artist?
You know peope that draw, paint,...
I reflected on the definition black.
The first definition of black being classified as a color when in fact it is the essence of all colors.
The second definition of Black in reference to people, where Black is not a color neither, since Black people come in different shades of black and brown.
Black in its essence as a definition refers to Culture, Civillization, the Arts, and Sciences, down to Creation and Creativitiy.
Then there is triple black darkness of space before there was a sun or stars, and the triple black darkness of a Black woman's womb before conception.
Love was built, and within minutes it was destroyed.
Ask questions and give contradictory answers.
Somewhere on Earth a princess is happy and a King has no wife.
Speak to your father who says I've got to pick up your brother.
"Where is your book Mice are Nice?" asked the teacher.
I don't know.
"Find it!" yelled her stepmother.
Fear reigned all over the little girls face.
I hate to see people in fear.
Somewhere else across the street and across the sea a woman was weak in her knees lamenting, and weeping with a pounding headache like Buddhist gongs.
I am faced with the most complicated mathematical equation of my life. And what is the mathematical eqation?
One of my problems or should I say several.
Problems inclusive of trials, tribulations, and decisions.
I have come to a point in life to where I don't see problems as problems, but as mathematical equations.
For every problem there is a solution.
That is the way of the Universe.
A mathematical universe which does not always involve numbers, because mathematics also involves the mind and the mind is adinfinitum.
So I'm trying to solve my problem, which is beyond calculus, trigonometry,.....
Fear rather real or imagined should be given the status of a documented disease in the medical books.
Fear can destroy you physically, mentally and psychologically.
In the scriptures it states that the devil or Satan instills fear in people to control them.
He or she whispers evils into your ear, suggesting that if you don't listen to them or follow them, they will threaten you with some loss.
Loss of a job, money, some title or position, property, or even life.
When in truth fear has no power over us.
Only the power and belief that we give it.
She brought back food from the funeral, which was 40 days ago that her mother's sister died.
I don't like going to funerals.
It isn't because I fear death, but more because of the peculiar atmosphere that I sense.
I spent most of my time today in front of the "tell his vision" also known as television.
Man of the House about some murder was quite boring.
Sahara starring Jim Belushi, about a tank and thirsty Germans was good.
Submerged starring Steven Seagal wasn't so fantastic and I noticed that Seagal is getting on the fat side.
Needs to exercise.
Nurse Betty which is not her real name called me on the phone stating we noticed that on the immunization form you've stated that your child is allergic to all immunizations.
The vast majority of the world is bent on the belief that immunizations are a necessity, neglecting the side effects that come with them.
Missing limbs, brain damage, muscle and tissue damage, and man made biological diseases.
We already have a natural immunization system in our system that does not need foreign substances injected into it.
Why are you injecting me with the disease you are trying to prevent?
At 22:25 I completed reading the Revelation of Saint John the Divine which concluded my reading of the entire Bible beginning with Genesis page by page.
Thanks to being jobless I had the time to spare to accomplish something I had been putting off for years. Read the entire Bible from front to back.
So now what?
Move on basically.
Reading the Bible will not make anyone a saint.
Even prophets confessed their sins to God.
The Bible has its contradictions and I see why the Jews don't accept Jesus.
He exposed all their wickedness and proved they weren't holy.
My hunger contributes more to my sadness in my states of fasting, going without food for long periods of time.
The sadness of leaving your loved ones behind and being away from the familiar all adds to it.
No one wants to be separated from love.
But with changes in life, transformations are made, realizations come about, and aspects about yourself you never thought about comes to light.
In some cases there is comfort in the loneliness, and love in the silence, endeared with the absence of humanity if even for a little while near a forest or vast ocean.
Which number is the greatest number out of all these numbers?
11, 15, 17, 19....
She said 11.
Do you know how to count to 20?
She said yes and counted 1 through 20.
I asked which was the greatest number and she said 15. Now I knew she was guessing and maybe she didn't know what I was talking about.
My first impulse was to pull out the belt and spank her, but I am against the theory. besides, you can't punish a person for not knowing, even if you do.
You can only teach or try other methods.
One minute happy, another minute sad, and the next minute angry spells what?
There is only two words to describe it. An emotional wreck.
Consoling an emotional wreck can take up your entire day and all your precious time, ruining all your plans.
Emotional wrecks can give you a big headache.
Where can emotional wrecks be found?
They can be found in homes as housewives, women in the working industry under stress, the waitress trying to be patient with unruly patrons.
A man can be an emotional wreck as well.
His bills, the wife, children, poltics, job, boss, income taxes.....
Flying a plane may seem easy, but so many switches and controls are involved.
Even if I never own my own aerial object, I would still like to know on a knowledge basis how to fly.
On a science fiction level (and sometimes science fiction has its level of truth) I often see myself in an entirely different light.
I'm wearing a black uniform, belonging to a fleet of ships not belonging to this world.
My spaceship can do all kinds of maneuvers. Make 90 degree turns, maneuver underwater like a submarine, reach star systems in less than one minute....
Time is going a bit too fast for me.
One minute it is 10:00, the next minute I look and five hours has already passed me by.
Is there anyway to grab the reins of time that seems to be wildly on the loose, trying to get to some unknown destination, taking me with it?
I thought time was not real, but no one can deny that the sun rises and sets, which we call days and nights.
The inventions of clocks and calendars has turned time into something else.
Maybe even something horrific and frightening from its original form.
My heart beats, but I don't feel it beating. What I do feel is this welling sensation of fear and uncertainty mixed with the comfort after a cup of teh halia.
The heart builds an inner fire that does not consume me, but enlightens and enlivens.
Should I produce my wings and fly from here to snow country? Or should I anchor myself into the Earth and stay here to this serenaded melody?
Freeze time and thaw it later?
Journey on wings of tomorrow, speckled on a Spanish horse named Cecillia?
Or scatter my bones across the land to whoever?
The Tip Jar