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So summer is now officially over.
I'm not back yet. I'm just saying: it's September, so the colder months are on a roll now, the sun sinks lower and lower each day, and soon it'll be dark both when we rise up to go to work and when we get home from it - and I'm already starting to feel like I'm in shit shape (at time of writing - couple weeks later).
Time to stack up on extra D-Vitamin and whatever other supplements you may need to get through this hellish season, which is weird to say because: it's cold.
The moose hunt started today.
In the North, that is. I don't know how many they're allowed to shoot. I don't know if they shoot that many, or many more they don't bother to report, or if they track the exact moose count, and how many hunters are out there, and if they usually hunt before or after work, or take the day off, or take an entire week off, or hunt during the weekends, or even take an entire season off, or how long the hunt lasts.
All I know is the moose hunt started today, so be wary.
I don't know a thing about the bear or bird hunt either, for that matter. I really don't know a thing about hunting.
I like guns, but I don't like shooting living targets, which I guess makes me a bit of an anomaly. Nor humans nor animals. Though the latter seem worth bundles of the warmer.
At least the herbivores.
The naive. The innocent. The pillars of our habitat; ecosystem. The wild. The wonderful. The beautiful and weird. The undestructive. The timid. The fuzzy and furry and always on the brink of extinction; while we thrive like a raging plague.
So I'm back in Stockholm again. Err... going soon. The travel day didn't lend me so much forethought, or after, or any inbetween, but the one or two leading up to it kept me from being both as productive or as positive as I could have been had I truly lived in the moment and not cared about where I was headed the next day. The way I wish I would live. The true way. The right way. The: work hard and fight way! But take it easy, as they might say, and you'll go wherever it is you want.
I guess I'm officially back from vacation now.
Back to work again. Back to the office. Back to slumber. Away from sunburn. Away from green fields and greens in abundance. Into corners. Cold walls and warmers. Away from water. Away from sauna. Away from flora. Away from fauna. Away from the greatest season of the year: and the adjacent one on the come up. I've come down, but I'll be one up: weekend... before I'm totally back to this work thing. It's disturbing.
To be honest there are some good things about it too. Ups and downs. Fly around.
Just ate lunch. Feel stuffed. Think of going outside. Sun is shining in through window, but I've got things to do first, like write this. So I think I'll write this and then go out, and all will be groovy. Maybe get back home with a bag of apples. Finish writing and recording my songs, and booking flights, and then watch a movie? And tomorrow I'm off to another place. For just a few days. Days are a mess now. I'm amazed. I feel great. The more that goes on: the better I feel. Also this is not chronological atall.
Words! Words words words.
I don't have enough of 'em.
I've had this tab open since morning today, but I've been doing other things and now suddenly it's over midnight - and I still have a few days to catch up on.
Should I wait till some other time - some other day - when inspiration strikes? Or should I get my fingers fidgeting around the keyboard anyways - seeking the words I wish to find?
As a professional writer you're supposed to do the latter, so I guess I will, no matter how ugly the results.
But it can be beautiful too.
...and I do hope to make it beautiful!
They say creation is beautiful, but destruction can be too.
Humans are a destructive species, and our beauty... lies within? If it's within the eye of the beholder: then do we simply satiate our own egos by looking at others; trying to find redemption in ourselves, and who we are, as a species?
What about God? What about Prometheus? What about the life after - why did the church alter the scriptures to give people the wrong answers? Maybe we're all part of one big religion after all - though some believe, and some don't.
I don't know what I'm talking about, really.
Tired. Midnight passed. I let the words flow off of my mind like the rain off of a shelter - like I wish it would have when me and my sister were walking home today. But instead it rained on us.
I don't think I felt the cold, though. Summer rain. Warm.
Still I'm tired. Torn.
I think I should go to sleep. Revive. I wonder if I need some vitamins. Some minerals. I should've eaten plenty of healthy things already - I should resist. I should stand strong till morning.
Or lie down.
They're an art form in their selves.
...in themselves? Suddenly I'm uncertain of what word''s the right one.
Just like I'm uncertain of where to add a line break.
I give the successful blogging way a try: add line breaks as often as you can.
Make it easy for the reader.
At the same time: make it seem like you're writing more than you are.
And make the reader read it more slowly, so it takes more time and enhances that impression.
And so that some of us are annoyed, and feel like the line breaks...
...are too many.
1! 11! The ninth month of the year and the eleventh day it is... and I don't know why but that feels special somehow. Maybe because it's been a special day. Cause I feel good about myself? About what I've accomplished? There's more to do yet, but I'll leave it be till tomorrow. I'm jumping on a train tomorrow, but I don't feel stressed yet. I feel calm. Considerate. Complete. I feel like I've packed the more important things and am ready to just go to bed and have a rest. For real. I think I'll do that right now.
I'm listening to an interview as I write this. Swedish rapper Stor - one of Sweden's best rappers... according to the interview title.
I can't say. I haven't heard most of his stuff, but from the little I've heard I'm not sure it's the style I'd rank highest. Good flow; good vocabulary; poetic; not so good annunciation. It's how I'd rap in English if I hadn't gone to international school, I assume. Not bad, but not cool enough to boom. Not rude. Not cruel enough to tune into - but I grew up in the loony bin and flew out blue. True.
This really has to be my most tired day of the week... maybe of the month. I don't know why. I didn't go to bed THAT late. I didn't wake up THAT early. But all day I've been in a daze, trying to snooze on the train to and from work (2 x 40 minutes), and rest a bit on the couch when I got home, and that didn't help so I think I'd better go to sleep earlier as well. I'm just tired today. It's just one of those days. One of those cold, and gray, and tired days.
I went into this with a mission! Get all of my hundred words done. Run boy run. Write this so you can get out and have fun! And I'm not as fast as I used to, but I still go through blues too, I do yes I do, true.
It's not been perfect but this life sure has been worth it! I'm stronger on the inside, but weaker on the surface. I don't look all as happy, but it's just my tired eyes. Can't wait till time is right so I can get outside and smile... and grimace at the sun.
I was planning to go to a concert today, but when work was coming to an end and and the time neared I looked up the weather report and... it wasn't positive. 1mm rain per hour. Starting one hour before the concert commenced, and ending at least a couple hours after.
How much is 1mm anyway? Enough for you to get wet? I Googled, and yes, it was.
But the reason I Googled in the first place was probably because I didn't really like going to that concert anyway. I took the train home instead. Did other things. Felt better.
I didn't even get the option to start writing for August this time. When I logged in, shortly after summer, with the aspirations of resuming my writing here at 100 Words, both August and September were provided as options to me, but alas, no longer.
It seems I have bypassed the time limit required to start writing for the former month, though it's weird there is one anyway, because who would start writing on the previous month from scratch when you've entered another one? Someone who's written all their posts elsewhere and wishes to port? Someone obsessed with stats? Yeah...
So it's a day of travel, and of course I woke up feeling like shit. Cold. Headache. Stomach rumbling. Hungry yet with no appetite - that typical type of travel stress, eh?
It probably has something to do with de-stressing too. Maybe eating something unsuitable yesterday. Maybe not sleeping so well. Maybe something else.
Either way it's been a while since I felt as nervous as I do today - wondering what six hours on the train will be like in this condition. Can't be all that terrible, can it? It's a train. You can sit down. Rest...
I'll make it.
Oh hell, looks like I missed a few days again!
I caught up with my diary this morning. Just two days; here there's six. Seems like the only time to catch up and write is in the weekend, and after this it's email, and blogs, and all sorts of other plans and issues. Need to clean the house, too. I haven't done so properly for three months.
Time ticks by fast sometimes - especially whenever it's not winter, but though some days are stressful it's exactly how I like it too. With things going on. And time at home.Computer time.
Sooo I'm back from Östersund again! Back to Stockholm for real this time. No more vacation this year... except for maybe a short trip up North in a couple of weeks, that is. At least the next weekend's free. After that it's Kålmården. After that the next weekend's free! Then probably that short trip up North.
Times are good when things are going on, though. Not TOO much, but not too little either. Just so much that you have time for that which is the most important, and no time to waste loafing over what's not. Good times.
I mean just enough stress as in: to little time to get depressed. Too little time to contemplate the big things in life, like death and existential purpose. You feel more purposeful too. You get nervous and excited over things to come, though you don't have so much time to prepare that you're so nervous for so long it turns into an angst for whatever you should be looking forward to. It's practice too. And it's enough stress that you go to bed tired, and have wake up a little earlier, and better routines so you don't sleep life away.
I went to another concert today: Linnea Henricsson (if I spelled that right), and it was pretty amazing! The genre's pop and jazz (not my usual style), and the songs she'd had on the radio sounded so much like Veronica Maggio I didn't know she was a different artist... until her concert appeared in the list! You learn a lot from these things.
She talked a bit much between tracks, but was refresingly spontaneous and open, doing things like changing clothes right on stage, and moshing with the back of the crowd a bit - where I was. Glad I went!
So much RAIN!
It didn't stop for a second - though the rainfall was modest all morning, and SMHI (the local weather bureau) kept telling me it wasn't raining at all when I checked their site. I checked it like five times today. Nope, no rain yet
I know the prognosis can be a bit wonky, but when it turns out untrue they do usually correct it. So much for that...
I was thinking about going to a concert today too, but doesn't seem like that's going to happen now. And probably no time anyway. Time to take a weekend; relax.
My buddy Bear came over yesterday. Surprise! We watched half a Bollywood movie then and the other half this morning - Koi... Mil Gaya (that ellipses is part of the title). Also surprisingly good! It's the Bollywood version of E.T. A while in I realized I'd seen it before, but maybe not the same way. I noticed things now I hadn't before, like how the sky was both bright and dark on the opening spaceship scene - filmed from different angles, and probably times of day. The stunts, costumes and dances were impressive though, exaggerated as they always are! Good watch.
A new day! A Sunday! And I'm up a bit earlier than I usually am these days too; feeling not as tired as I usually do when I am.
They're having a military show in the city today, so guess where I'm headed in a few minutes?
Of course I know it's all propaganda. Everything from the weapons, to the flyby's and parachute jumps - it's all a play for the masses, and to earn our liking with the controversial Aurora exercises currently going on. But as long as you know that it's alright. Should be fun!
I won't get brainwashed.
Just another day blazed by, and I had a headache for the second day in a row.
Nothing all too intense t5hough. Just stressed. Maybe too little water. I took a walk with my sister as the sun went down, and fixed up a quick dinner in five minutes. Still haven't had time to clean the house for the duration of the month. Just one more of those days.
Feels great though! Not slaving away for low hourly wages but getting things DONE, and turning the pages in the book of life. Cook and fly, never shook by trials. Goodbye.
I ALMOST overslept today.
It started fine. The alarm rang 8:25, and I woke up 8:25 and shut the alarm.
I remembered my dream... I wanted to remember more before I went up, and record my memories of it. It was pretty interesting. So I shut my eyes just to bring the pictures back into my head... and then some vague part of my mind started asking me if I shouldn't get up already?
Opened my eyes. 8:45. No time for breakfast or bathroom breaks - I cycled to the train like a madman. Made it.
I thought I'd record a few songs tonight - all those weekly verses left over from the summer, but when push came to shove I could barely get the one done! Then I was hoarse for the day. Or night. Too little practice I guess.
So it's time for plan B. Clean the house. Only I thought I'd respond to a few emails and maybe write some words before I take on that particular project, because it's kind of a massive project... it's kind of a big house... if not tonight though, tomorrow's a new day! Nothing like a new day.
So I didn't get to cleaning the house after all yesterday, and so far today I haven't gotten that far today either. I woke up a bit earlier than expected - so I ended up getting up later than planned. I skipped breakfast, went shopping, cleaned up the garden and shed, and am now consuming a quick green lunch before I continue this business.
It's so easy to get side-tracked, though! And let minor things start taking more time than they're supposed to, like when you find an interesting box and just have to check what's inside...
To be continued.
So I cleaned the house! Finally. I cleaned it all in one day. Shopped some. Recycled. Fixed the garden. Fixed the house. Fixed everything.
I didn't fix myself, though. The morning after, I woke up feeling tired like I'd never been before... or maybe it was my head. Thumping. I just wanted to stay in bed.
And it got worse. Work went OK. Lunch was fine. After-work went OK. I forced down dinner. Concert NOT okay - I was falling asleep, then feeling ill. Too loud, too bright. I tried to rest at my sister's, and then the guests arrived...
...and then we took the train home, and the headache faded away, and we stayed up way too late and talked and had a good time and woke up early the next day and toured the city and ate out and stayed up way too late playing games and then woke up early to take the commuter train to the train to the bus to Kålmården, and spend the day there, and then take the bus to the train to the commuter train back home again! And we had such a blast. Hectic, but relaxed. Such an amazing trip.
This is 104%.
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